“Hurry up” just before sex

[Uglymug2]

I’ve been feeling disgusting recently, I don’t know what it is. I’ve always been slim but recently I’ve been feeling wobbly and just not attractive at all. I’ve voiced this to my DH (of 4 years) who’s told me I’ve not put on weight or anything.

Sex has been a big part of our relationship but I feel like it’s dwindling. We used to have sex daily but now it’s about twice a week, which is fine. I’d like more but don’t want to pressure him.

DH has an addiction to weed and constantly needs it to function. He will smoke at night and spend hours in the garden doing so.

Anyway tonight when we were cuddling on the couch I started kissing him and touching his clothes. He said “hurry up then I need to go to the shop” (I’m not stupid, the “shop” is outside for a spliff or 3). he took his clothes off and just kind of sat there. I said I didn’t feel in the mood now.

he’s in the garden smoking and I’m just sitting here feeling like an idiot. I’m only 30 but feel so undesirable and like I’m throwing myself at my own husband.

husband said I’m overreacting - am I ? Would anyone else be upset with this comment?

I’ve voted YABU because it’s fairly obvious the problem is your husband’s weed habit but you’re doing that typical woman thing of wanging on about feeling unattractive, wobbly etc.

Why are you with a man who spends hours smoking weed every day? Christ

why would you want to stay with someone like this? He sounds dreadful.

Stop wasting you're time with a drug addict.

He’s effectively choosing weed and not you. Even if you were watching a film or having a conversation, he’s effectively dismissing you for weed. If that’s what he wants to do then cool but you’re well within your rights to spell out to him that you deserve so so much better

(and less of the blaming yourself please!)

The deal breaker for me would be the weed. I wouldn't want sex with him to start with.

Is his attitude a recipe for happiness?

There is an old tale that of a couple put a penny in a jar every time they have sex in their first year and take out a penny thereafter, the jar will never empty.

Putting the sex aside, do you plan to have children with this man? If so, do you really want to have a child with a drug addict. It might only be weed, but what happens if he moves on to something like cocaine next?

Jeez I'd be looking at divorce tbh. I would not put up with a weed smoker. Absolutely vile and I couldn't be having sex with him either. The 'hurry up' comment would be the least of my worries

Your married to an addict OP. Ideally he needs to accept he's an addict and get treatment to overcome his addiction.

Rushing through anything to get to your hit is a classic sunny of an addiction. I can well remember eating my meal quickly to get to the cigarette at the end.

Unfortunately he may not want to change so you will have to decide if you want a marriage where you're second fiddle to weed.

Do you have children? What does he do fir a living?

Weed is evil and corrosive. It makes people, selfish, detached and robs them of ambition, responsibility and usefulness.

Why it gets legalised I don't understand.

I don't often say this but I think you should give him an ultimatum and if he doesn't completely stop the weed then leave him. He's married to weed not you.

How about’No, I won’t hurry up’ and just having sex at your pace?

You've got much bigger problems to be upset about than his comment. You're married to a drug user, and your issue is with his comment and not his drug use? Lord, give me strength.

Feel sorry for you and your neighbours if he’s smoking weed all night. You want sex with someone like that ?

He's an addict. Divorce.

As someone who knows weed smokers (and no I am not defending them), he didn’t want to rush out for a joint he just doesn’t want sex.

Goodness chuck him out. If my husband was doing that I’d tell him he could sleep in the garden and not to bother coming back in.
There is no need to waste time and your one life being with a drug addict.

What has being 30 and being desirable got to do with anything?

His smoking weed is way more important to him than you, i am sorry OP. I couldn’t play second fiddle like that but it’s up to you

You want to sleep with a pot head? And the hurry up is the worst bit?

It seems you want to have sex woth him to make yourself feel better about your issues it would be better to work on the issues first

I think you've low confidence OP. That's twice now that you've turned his rubbish behaviour onto yourself and that you must be at fault.
You're not! Honestly.
Sex drives do change, life sometimes has a way of 'getting in the way', sometimes stress, age too can mean a sex life will fluctuate and it's nothing at all about attractiveness and it's nothing you have done wrong. But what you have here is a stoner. He just wants to get stoned.

Getting stoned so much will rob him of his zest, his get up and go, his sparkle. I don't have an issue with someone who has a joint once in a blue moon, but when smoke it daily, it's very different. It's no longer fun, something that can give you the giggles and put the world to right, it's depressing, creates paranoid and robs someone of quality of life.

He needs to stop the weed or you need to accept this is it for you or... get out of this situation.

Just another voice adding to the calls to divorce him. He’s a drug addict. He’d rather have a spliff than sex with you. He’s a loser. He must surely stink. He’s wasting a load of money on weed.

Seriously OP, please ditch him.

Urgh. “Hurry up” would kill all my desire. Am I a chore? Is this activity not savoured but rather to be suffered? Fuck that (pun intended) He’s an addict. Leave him.

When your 'other half' has an addiction (it doesn't matter if it is drink, drugs, gambling or kinky sex) there will always be 3 in your relationship and the addiction will take priority over you every time.

Life is too short to play second fiddle to someone else’s addiction. Having sex with someone who is just going through the motions is also soul destroying. You don’t need to accept either of those things.

Life with an addict of any sort is miserable, you will always come second.