I am also thinking of changing my will

[Changedname12345]

I have 2 adult DC 1 far away in another country the other relatively nearby. I had an accident that has immobilised me for the next few months. I have organised the main help that I need to stay at home but I am feeling very isolated. My nearby DC has not visited me or helped me. I am very hurt. More recently I have got abusive and offensive emails from the nearby one. I have lovely supportive emails from the 1 faraway. I am very hurt. WIBU to change my will to remove the nearby 1? I love both DC very much and do a lot for them. But this feels like an unforgivable situation.

Sorry to hear about your accident.

What were the abusive emails about?

I’d be working more on rebuilding the relationship with the DC rather than punishing them after your death. But that depends on what’s led to the breakdown of the relationship.

The emails were aggressive name-calling and abusive. I think it is to justify to himself why he doesn’t visit when reality is that he cannot be bothered. I haven’t seen him since before I had quite a serious operation and I am now at home immobile. He was to come visit and called off at last minute so I was annoyed. No annoyance of any kind is ever accepted no matter how justified it is. We have had disagreements in the past that eventually resolved but this feels different particularly in my circumstances. He is saying very hurtful things.

I will not change my will. I will try and rebuild the relationship. The only thing I can do just now is nothing until he unblocks me on WhatsApp and contacts me. I should have learned from the past not to expect anything and never express any annoyance.

What you call ‘expressing annoyance’ doesn’t work in this relationship. I’m not saying you are unreasonable, but adults do not like being told how to behave.

Shaming someone never works as a motivator!

And it’s very easy for someone on the other side of the world to send a supportive email.

Often on here, the child who is close at hand carries a significant burden supporting their parent. Meanwhile they also get the criticism and complaints. By contrast the dc at a distance tends to be considered more fondly and when they do visit, the nearby child gets dropped.

I’m not saying this is true in your case, but it does seem a common dynamic. Though usually the nearby child is female and the golden one a boy.

Do you have a personality disorder?

That sounds very vindictive to be honest. But perhaps there is more background here?

It’s easy for your faraway DC to be nice- they don’t have to DO anything. Writing a nice email takes a few minutes, it’s not hard.

I would not take a hasty action based on a few emails. I would wait and see how things pan out in the next few months/years.

No

Ok
I got the sense from your posts of such high drama which lacks real substance.
*Abusive and offensive emails with no apparent explanation.
*You flip-flopping from writing him out of your will, to he's back in the will on the basis of a couple of responses here in the space of a few minutes. You're bouncing on emotion, not actual thought on a serious legal decision.
*The fact that denying him money after you're dead is your first thought and method for punishing him for being rude and absent to you now.
*You linking your love of your child versus his lack towards you and equating that love to money.

It's all a bit glorifying in victimhood combined vindictiveness

You sound quite like him.

Wouldn’t blame you if you did, my brother lives near my parents and I live at the other end of the country and guess whom has been the supportive caring one? Not him.

Why would you want to punish your own child rather than try to rebuild the relationship? Come on, there must be a reason he feels the way he does. Address that

He was to come visit and called off at last minute so I was annoyed.

What did you say to him?

I said I am very disappointed. Then he started into all the excuses. And when I said it’s fine he doesn’t need to make excuses he started with the name calling. Once he started that I couldn’t take it and said I would block him until the morning (I never block him ever but being flat on my back immobilised with no family help or support was unbearable). I unblocked him soon after but by then he had blocked me. Subsequent communications were email. I know I shouldn’t have said anything but I did.

ps there were no actual phone calls. He doesn’t really do phone calls. This was on WhatsApp texts.

What are the missing missing reasons, OP?

Why can't you control yourself and have a proper conversation without getting angry and blocking him?

It sounds like you need therapy. He probably does too.

I am immobilised and in a lot of pain.

I won’t be coming back.

You can still have counselling - it's mostly online now.

We're all blocked and out of the will.

I can't say I blame your son at all. How much is the inheritance?

How old is your son OP? Is his dad around?

You are feeling upset and neglected. You are expressing that in anger. But I think even adult DC can be quite selfish. Maybe your son felt a bit overwhelmed by the extent of your accident and can’t really cope with it.

How was your relationship before the accident?

I do sympathise. It’s hard when our children disappoint us. But you have to try to manage your emotions if you want to have an ongoing relationship.

20 million.

And I'm Janet Jackson