To be annoyed at disruption in a theatre show?

[shouldwejust]

I appreciate that this is a nuanced topic, and that there possibly isn’t a right answer.

Recently I went to watch a show in the theatre that I had been looking forward to for months. The tickets were my birthday present and something I can’t usually afford, so definitely a one off treat.

Throughout the whole show, a man who had severe disabilities was shouting out and yelling. He didn’t stop at all and continuously made very loud and disruptive noises.

It completely took me out of the show, meant I struggled to concentrate and was just annoyed!

I fully appreciate that everyone in society has a right to enjoy things, and perhaps this man was looking forward to the show just as much as me! But, I don’t think that it’s fair that he disrupted the show for the entire rest of the audience who had also paid a lot to be there.

I don’t know what the solution is to be perfectly honest. That his carer removed him when he was being disruptive? That he attended one of the “autism friendly” screenings that are expected to have more disruption?

When I said this to my partner he was shocked and said that basically we should just accept that our show was ruined for his enjoyment, as that is being inclusive. I don’t feel that inclusivity should come at the cost of everyone else?

I appreciate that I may be told I am being unreasonable here but I’d like to hear other people’s opinions here

Exactly!

I can't help but think that the type of people who are insisting that disabled people should feel entitled to attend luxury/expensive events that their specific behaviour will ruin for everyone else, are also the sort of entitled, rude people who are generally inconsiderate of everyone else's experiences, and think their enjoyment should be centred at the expense of the majority, disability or no.

I’m not surprised, we live in a very abelist world.

There’s the ‘right’ answer, which is that everyone should be included etc. And then there’s the answer that pretty much everyone in your situation would think, OP, if it was their outing ruined. There’s the duality of wanting to be inclusive but also wanting to be able to enjoy an expensive event without being disrupted the whole way through. The two things sometimes aren’t compatible.

Personally I think the answer is that not everyone can be included in everything, because some behaviours, mobility issues etc preclude the person from either taking part safely or from disrupting dozens of other people. I think we can be inclusive as much as is reasonable and feasible but common sense must be applied. It’s no one’s fault, just an unfortunate element of life, bad luck, whatever you want to call it, but that doesn’t mean that one person’s desire to do something (or their family’s) should override the enjoyment of many many other people.

It’s a very hard situation to reconcile but I am thinking if that were me and a show that I went to see a few years ago that I had been looking forward to for a long time, I would have been very disappointed and the experience would have been spoiled.

What if the entire audience asked for their money back?

Another one out, I think that's the third person who can't justify their shitty opinions about disabled folk.

Well not everyone with Tourette’s is the same.

But if someone is going to keep harping up while there’s a beautiful aria on the go, then it WILL spoil the performance for the other 99%. Depends if you care about those 99% or not. Oh and the poor opera singer.

Then that would encourage the theatre to look more closely at their accessibility , wouldn't it.

Utter nonsense. Far from being entitled, I’m happy to accept that being around all sorts of people means my enjoyment of something might be affected by them. If it bothers me, I can leave.

No they should not!! That is what I've been saying. I've had far more theatre trips spoiled by people who are too tall for the seats than those who are disabled.

Thankfully we have a lovely flat green space where I can see someone coming ahead of time, and she has fantastic recall aaaaaand I've lost you, haven't I? 🤣 I can never stay on a topic 😆

This made me laugh @changedusernameforthis1😆 I have to delete huge swathes of text all the time because I find myself wandering off the subject! Or over sharing😬

Why does one opera lover with Tourettes who could watch a recording of top class opera have the right to degrade the experience of a thousand audience members who have all paid to watch the performance live?

But there are things you can do to prevent your trip being spoiled by tall people (e.g. choose seats at the front of a section).

Which takes us back to, disabled people can just stay at home, god forbid they impact on your life.

I have a friend who is a professional opera singer. She also volunteers at a group for disabled young people, she taught my daughter to sing. She was more than able to perform in that environment and would be aghast at the suggestion she was the reason disabled people can’t attend her performances.

Cool so I’m autistic myself. I get highly triggered (I hate using this word but it fits the best) by loud, sudden and inappropriate noises. I also follow rules and get upset when others don’t. Due to my disability, I am now excluded from that theatre show. That person being included excludes me. I absolutely could not tolerate that noise. I would have ended up with my hands over my ears and if forced to stay would have probably been rocking and humming to myself to block it out. (I wouldn’t let it get that far I would just have removed myself first). So I’m really glad you’re happy to exclude me on the basis of my disability. (FYI, I would happily attend a “silent only autistic friendly” version for those people like me. I’d rather than in all honesty.

Why does the tall person, the person with a cold, the one who just can’t sit still have the right to degrade others’ enjoyment. If you can’t deal with a little disruption in your life, maybe you should stay home and watch a recording, if that’s exactly the same experience?

It always seems to come down to money. People are annoyed because they had saved up and treated themselves. Maybe these people should just accept that they can't afford the theatre and not go. Maybe said disabled person is a regular patron supporting the theatre rather than a once in a blue moon attender.

You have to be able to concentrate when in an enclosed audience. Otherwise what’s the point?

You can’t exactly get up and move.

What's nonsense about it? Genuinely? Why is it nonsense?

I look at it from the perspective of: If I or my family were ruining the evening for the majority, because we were being noisy when quiet was needed, whether through our own fault or due to circumstances out of our control, we would leave.

Just as my tall DH and DS are very mindful of not obstructing people's views at school events (the theatre is too rich for our blood).

I would prefer to be considerate of others, and as such, I would hope for the same consideration in return.

I entirely understand your disappointment at not being able to enjoy the performance of something that you so looked forward to and was meant to be a birthday treat. My favourite entertainment in the world is live theatre but I have given up going because of the noise and disruption. Nothing to do with disabilities but people being loud with chatter, eating, carrying and drinking hot drinks, using phones, shuffling, kicking seat backs, going in and out for drinks, toilet etc. And I don't mean children either.

If in considering how to cater for various needs - involuntary noises etc - could theatre design and technology come up with solutions? Some clever technical means of diminishing or cancelling sounds emanating from individual theatre seats or some sections of a theatre with sound absorbing materials in seats and floor or partitions or special booths equipped with microphones from which to view the performance.

It depends on the level of disruption though. When I'm at the supermarket it doesn't bother me if someone has ASD/Tourettes and is being loud as supermarkets are noisy anyway, the same with many other places like public transport etc.

Surely you can see the difference between being loud and noisy in a supermarket, on a train, bus etc and causing a disturbance at a theatre/cinema where people need to be quiet.

My daughter is in the same position. People with autism can be problematic to her because of her autism. But, she accepts that sometimes she will have to deal with it, because she understands excluding disabled people is a shitty thing to do.

So she knows that others excluding her is also a shitty thing to do?

Would she be aghast at the idea of many disabled people being unable to access performances subject to disruptions such as the one described by the OP? All the autistic people who couldn't cope, all those with hearing loss who couldn't hear the performers? Why would she only be interested in the ability of one small segment of the disabled population?

It's not 'a little disruption', though, is it? You're being disingenuous.

For music lovers - and lovers of drama too - the exclusion of extraneous noise or distraction is crucial to their enjoyment. It's not a football match, or an outdoor pageant or a funfair. The exclusion of all sounds except for the music or the sound of the actors is the whole point.

Can you honestly not see that?

Nobody cares about that type of disability, sadly. It’s all about the loud people.