To be annoyed at disruption in a theatre show?

[shouldwejust]

I appreciate that this is a nuanced topic, and that there possibly isn’t a right answer.

Recently I went to watch a show in the theatre that I had been looking forward to for months. The tickets were my birthday present and something I can’t usually afford, so definitely a one off treat.

Throughout the whole show, a man who had severe disabilities was shouting out and yelling. He didn’t stop at all and continuously made very loud and disruptive noises.

It completely took me out of the show, meant I struggled to concentrate and was just annoyed!

I fully appreciate that everyone in society has a right to enjoy things, and perhaps this man was looking forward to the show just as much as me! But, I don’t think that it’s fair that he disrupted the show for the entire rest of the audience who had also paid a lot to be there.

I don’t know what the solution is to be perfectly honest. That his carer removed him when he was being disruptive? That he attended one of the “autism friendly” screenings that are expected to have more disruption?

When I said this to my partner he was shocked and said that basically we should just accept that our show was ruined for his enjoyment, as that is being inclusive. I don’t feel that inclusivity should come at the cost of everyone else?

I appreciate that I may be told I am being unreasonable here but I’d like to hear other people’s opinions here

When everyone has paid a great deal for a ticket, I'm not sure why one disabled person can ruin the show for everyone. THat is not inclusive, it's a complete disregard for paying customers. I don't know what you mean by "segregated" - it's not a school. If it was, you wouldn't describe sending a disabled person to a special school as segregating them.

You're saying that noise in supermarkets etc doesn't bother you, and I'm saying that it really does bother some people who are vocal about it.

So for some people there clearly isn't a difference, they don't want the 'disruption' anywhere.

So who should we listen to? Anyone who feels disturbed?

They won't refund travel tickets or accommodation costs.

Not everyone lives near enough to a theatre to not have to stay overnight.

I'm for reasonable inclusion. Which means making adjustments and providing alternatives where possible, in the hopes that it will mean that most people can enjoy most things - but doesn't mean allowing one individual to ruin or mar the enjoyment of a large number of other people.

Sometimes things just aren't for you. For instance, I can never be a commercial airline pilot because my eyesight is too bad. I'm sure I could do it safely, but I'm barred from the job anyway. Not everyone can do everything, as not everything can be inclusive.

And in the case of going to the theatre, basic consideration for others should come into play. I know I wouldn't even be able to enjoy the theatre if I kept making outbursts throughout - I'd be so embarrassed, and feel so terrible for ruining everyone else's evening, that I'd feel better just missing out and staying home! But I suppose some people don't care about the majority's enjoyment.

This happened to me recently. Went to see a folk singer who kept saying 'Join in if you know it!" which actually was NOT WHAT SHE MEANT AT ALL but the autistic man behind me was obviously a super-fan and took it very literally. Belting out lullabies and quiet songs for the entire concert. People were getting very upset actually and the women next to me was in tears by the end. It was pretty bad.

I don't know what the answer is!

You have been told my multiple people that you’re being deliberately obtuse and here you are doing it again.

you claim you’re having a discussion but you aren’t. You have a position and you’re just trying desperately to stick to it, regardless of the obvious hypocrisy it brings that pretty much every other poster can see.

Clearly this has affected your life a lot because of your daughter - even to the extent of totally dismissing other people with additional needs (though not in your own head it seems). You’ve decided every single person hates your daughter and her Tourette’s and you won’t engage in a wider discussion because of this which is a shame.

In this situation she probably shouldn’t have asked people to join in if she didn’t want people to join in :/

@WillThingsEverBeFergaliciousAgain It bothers me too when people try and tell me where my child should go too but it bothers my child more as their disability restricts their life enough without other busy bodies trying to dictate what they can and can't decide. Some of these posters obviously don't know the definition of a disabled person's right to life and liberty

I know. She was almost saying it like she'd be saying it for years and didn't give it any thought. There were some songs where a bit of audience participation made sense in the choruses (which is pretty normal for folk songs). But not for literally every word to literally even song. It was terrible!

How is it being obtuse to wonder who I should listen to when we are disturbing people.

I mean what makes your opinion more valid than the lady at the zoo or the bloke in the supermarket or the parents at the school?

Is it ok for you to suggest i listen to you and ignore them?

@Switcher Give over why don't you. You are advocating for segregation.

The most appropriate response yet.

@Weemammy21 Many many children with disabilities and learning difficulties do go to special schools! Maybe go and visit one and have a look? No one has a right to spoil an event for the vast majority. Anyone shouting out has responsibilities too.

@MaidOfSteeli feel a bit cheeky asking for a refund when it was a gift! I also feel bad for the person who got the gift (I obviously just told them it was wonderful!) as they spent a lot of money on what was meant to be a really special experience for me.

I travelled from the north of England to London for this show, all in it cost me £300 (train, hotel and food) even with the tickets themselves being a gift so it’s really not something I can afford to do again in the near future! I am a trainee on minimum wage, so i don’t have this kind of money to give it another go sadly

Exactly. People can't put up with a disabled person for a couple of hours and think it's fine to tell them to bugger off, not realising that everyone does it and then the persons life is restricted to nothing.

Then call people sharing their lived experience obtuse for not agreeing .

The ableism on MN gets worse by the day. And those telling me I'm obtuse can't see the hypocrisy in their own words.

As someone with a disability I do not find this insistence that it is fine for people like me to insist on their "rights" at the expense of the comfort of others at all helpful. It builds up resentment and sets us back.
I actually care that I should not spoil anyone's happiness, because, in spite of my disability, I am a reasonable human being.
Parents of children with disabilities should make sure that their children undrlerstand that care and concern for others is important as well as standing up for themselves.

Reasonable people get results far better than unreasonable ones.

I recognise some posters from the crocodile incident thread. They were advocating for the man who threw a child into a crocodile pit to have no curtailment of his freedoms and to continue to be taken out on enrichment trips.

I understand being a disability rights activist - obviously especially if you are the parent of a disabled child. But there are posters on here who - in the light of the thread I mentioned - clearly are rather extreme and have no care for what is reasonable.

As I have explained in other comments, it is completely unaffordable for me to re-attend on a different day or to ask for a refund as it wasn’t me who paid. In this instance, what is your suggestion? Should I just accept that the performance was ruined and I matter less?

omg really?? That is insane. They clearly don’t care about the wellbeing of the general public at all!

Relaxed performances as the way to go with this issue (for those who need it). I would’ve been annoyed as well. FWIW I have a medical condition which is classed as a disability and certain activities wouldn’t be suitable for me. I don’t class that as discrimination.

I'm sorry that you have had bad experiences in other situations but please consider rereading the measured responses from a lot of people up thread and especially from those neurodivergent or with a disability.

This is a very specific scenario and agreeing that it is not appropriate for loud noises in a general performance is not unreasonable, however there are many many other situations in which more accomodations and tolerance would not go amiss.

.

It's not about mattering more or less (although you saying that suggests you think the disabled person matters less).

It's about living in an inclusive world, which means sometimes things won't be ideal for us, but we have to make the best decisions for ourselves in the circumstances. The alternative is the world not being inclusive, and we've seen how that plays out.

You're absolutely entitled to your opinion. And I'm entitled to mine.

The theatre let him stay

It’s their failing

How can you not see the difference between a supermarket and the theatre? It's frankly baffling.

And I say that as a parent to a young adult with ASD. No way would I allow him to ruin a huge group of people's experience. How entitled can you be?