To be annoyed at disruption in a theatre show?

[shouldwejust]

I appreciate that this is a nuanced topic, and that there possibly isn’t a right answer.

Recently I went to watch a show in the theatre that I had been looking forward to for months. The tickets were my birthday present and something I can’t usually afford, so definitely a one off treat.

Throughout the whole show, a man who had severe disabilities was shouting out and yelling. He didn’t stop at all and continuously made very loud and disruptive noises.

It completely took me out of the show, meant I struggled to concentrate and was just annoyed!

I fully appreciate that everyone in society has a right to enjoy things, and perhaps this man was looking forward to the show just as much as me! But, I don’t think that it’s fair that he disrupted the show for the entire rest of the audience who had also paid a lot to be there.

I don’t know what the solution is to be perfectly honest. That his carer removed him when he was being disruptive? That he attended one of the “autism friendly” screenings that are expected to have more disruption?

When I said this to my partner he was shocked and said that basically we should just accept that our show was ruined for his enjoyment, as that is being inclusive. I don’t feel that inclusivity should come at the cost of everyone else?

I appreciate that I may be told I am being unreasonable here but I’d like to hear other people’s opinions here

@Weemammy21 Everywhere! Don’t you ever look? It’s pretty normal to see them now.

It’s great that she is able to control her autism that well. Some others (like me) cannot. The same as those loud autistic people cannot control it. I find it odd you think that the autistic people who cannot tolerate loud noises should just shut up and put up but those who make the loud noises are perfectly fine to carry on. They can’t help it right? But I should be able to help it?

Edited to add. Why is it only shitty to exclude the loud autistic/SEN people but not to exclude me? I get I’m self excluding in those situations as I leave of my own will. But I’m still excluded. When I was younger I honestly would have been sitting there smacking my own head repeatedly if I couldn’t get away from the noise. That’s my level of autism. I don’t like hurting myself. But noise can have that affect on me. So what is your solution for me and others like me?

I've already told you we don't go back to any place like that, we would feel too awkward about ruining people's evenings. We have 7 local venues we rotate around and they are all heavily raked bar one and that one is properly staggered so that if you can't see it's the fault of extremely tall people two rows in front, not us.

Exactly what I came here to say.

It’s nonsense because it has no basis in fact. Saying that people who wish for others to be included are hugely entitled themselves and don’t care about how they impact others around them is such a leap and makes absolutely no sense. I will make sure my disabled daughter is not excluded. I will do what I can to make sure her disability doesn’t impact others, but if somebody else has a problem with her being there, I will absolutely not make her leave. (She isn’t noisy, but takes up more space than most because of her mobility aids)

You're not excluded.

You have the option to go another day due to the noises.

Accessibility means that the theatre would refund or rearrange it for you.

I, and my children, can relate to this, although to a milder extent than you. It's possibly why being considerate is so important to me. Random outbursts would ruin my enjoyment and leave me and my kids stressed, tense, and probably make us leave (as soon as it looked like we could slip out unseen).

But it seems only disruptive disabilities are worthy of consideration – the squeaky wheel gets the grease, I suppose.

I eas just thimkimg that it is always that.
Loud must be included, thpse with quiet need get "tough fucking luck don't go then". Every time

when a disabled person pays the same price for the ticket neither you or anyone else should have any authority or try and dictate what they spend their money on. In our experience the most rude and inconsiderate and dangerous people we come across are those who drink alcohol get drunk and start fighting, those who carry knives and guns, men who threaten, assault and rape women, drug users and drug addicts and these are the majority. Yet this majority are all deemed acceptable because they are not disabled.

Oh fgs...that's not what the pp said.

Disabled covers a vast range of conditions. But I don't think people who are likely to be very noisy should go to a live opera performance, no.

I was once at the RSC in Stratford. I couldn't sit comfortably on my seat (it was during the remodelling of the theatre and it was like sitting on scaffolding and my vertigo was stopping me focusing). At the interval I spoke to a member of staff and they gave me a seat on a lovely balcony where I watched the show from a huge screen. I was happy with that. I'm not disabled, btw.

And if the same happens the next day? What if I’ve traveled from Scotland to London for the show? Do they pay for another hotel for me? Call my work to book another day off? And if they just refund my ticket do they also refund all my travel and pay back any other costs?

Not really because I've lived with people telling me my daughter shouldn't be in X Y or Z place for a decade.

It may not bother you, but it bothers a lot of others.

Ok where and when? When is the next relaxed performance for Lion King, Wicked, Matilda? West end performances are yearly if at all. As you are such a know it all how often are relaxed performances for West End performances?

You can make up hypotheticals all day long. The answer will never be less accessibility.

That’s fine. Your answer is just less accessibility for people like me. You can just be honest and say that.

I agree

So how would you make sure theatre is accessible to people who need to avoid disruption?

They are ALL like that to some degree. I’ve been to dozens of theatres across the country. Some are worse than others for sure, but in order to have seating that suits me and you, the rake would have to be so severe, they’d have to lose every second row of seats. Thing is though, I don’t mind. It’s not your fault, it’s not my fault. It’s just how it is. I have a tall husband and he isn’t really a theatre person which is good because seats together that suit both of us don’t exist. At things like school shows, he goes to the back, I sit at the front. Like you he is really mindful of those behind him. So when I’m sitting behind you, I just make the best of it. I enjoy the experience whatever happens.

I don't find that scenario likely I'm afraid. The loss of one person's regular attendance would be unlikely to be greater than the loss of bookings if an opera venue becomes known for regular disruption of their performances with shouting by someone with Tourettes.

If the person with Tourettes is so wealthy they can finance the whole performance then they can shout as much as they like. But until then I do not accept that the needs of the one should override the needs of the vast majority.

Does it have no basis in fact? I don't know about that. It might well be true. But yes, it was my opinion that it's quite possible that people who prioritise one individual's enjoyment over everyone else's enjoyment, might just be generally entitled. It might not be a disability issue at all, but just a difference of view between those who are more considerate of others, and those who are less so.

And your opinion is equally just an opinion, not a statement of fact.

(I'm not sure why your daughter's disability would impact anyone, noise-wise, but I can imagine that if she needs mobility aids there are some things she will be naturally excluded from. Everyone, disability or not, is excluded from some things sometimes, due to their behaviour, lack of ability, lack of finances...all sorts.)

The more popular they are, the more the theatres will provide. Their priority is bums on seats so the show can keep running.

Add specific “quiet” performances to the list of accessible ones.

Perhaps you could take a cushion or some kind of booster seat to enable you to see comfortably. Perhaps it's something theatres could provide? There are also often seats at the side of the circle (or front row) where nobody is sitting in front of you. It's a nuisance I'm sure but wheelchair users are also limited where they can sit.

My youngest is a lot like you actually, so you're very wrong there.

If i can make it work between my dd with tourettes and her then a theatre can make it work for a couple of hours if people whith very specific needs happen to be in the same theatre on the same night.

Loads of things impact all of our lives.

Which takes us back to, when we sign up for an event and pay our hard earned reddies over to see a performance, where external noise will spoil it, then we are all SENSIBLE enough to realise that someone attending who makes external noise is VERY likely to spoil it for everyone.

Not all disabilities are the same FFS. Seems some parents don’t accept that and like to stamp their feet about it.