To be annoyed at disruption in a theatre show?

[shouldwejust]

I appreciate that this is a nuanced topic, and that there possibly isn’t a right answer.

Recently I went to watch a show in the theatre that I had been looking forward to for months. The tickets were my birthday present and something I can’t usually afford, so definitely a one off treat.

Throughout the whole show, a man who had severe disabilities was shouting out and yelling. He didn’t stop at all and continuously made very loud and disruptive noises.

It completely took me out of the show, meant I struggled to concentrate and was just annoyed!

I fully appreciate that everyone in society has a right to enjoy things, and perhaps this man was looking forward to the show just as much as me! But, I don’t think that it’s fair that he disrupted the show for the entire rest of the audience who had also paid a lot to be there.

I don’t know what the solution is to be perfectly honest. That his carer removed him when he was being disruptive? That he attended one of the “autism friendly” screenings that are expected to have more disruption?

When I said this to my partner he was shocked and said that basically we should just accept that our show was ruined for his enjoyment, as that is being inclusive. I don’t feel that inclusivity should come at the cost of everyone else?

I appreciate that I may be told I am being unreasonable here but I’d like to hear other people’s opinions here

There's disabled and disabled.

It would be unsuitable for people who can't control their voices - not people who are wheelchair-users or for eg, have cerebral palsy but can otherwise be quiet like the rest of the audience.

A theatre performance depends on the suspension of disbelief and being absorbed into the world of the play (or film). It's not compatible with people making lots of noise, whether through disability or downright rowdiness.

Are you suggesting that the enjoyment of say 1000 punters has to be sacrificed so that one person who is noisy and cannot help it should enjoy themselves? That's crazy talk.

I note you just say "places", as if all places were equal.
Which I have explained they are not.

You are posting in bad faith, refusing to respond to nuanced discussion, and I will not reply to you again.

You’re purposely missing the point. I’m not continuing this conversation with you and going back and forth when I’ve made my point incredibly clear more than once. You can choose to misread it if you wish.

No - it's not a 1-1 ratio. It would be many, many people's enjoyment being spoiled so that one other person could have freedom to make a lot of noise.

So sorry OP! Which show was it?

Definitely try to get free tickets to see it again on another occasion.

Don't be so reasonable! The only 2 options are that they either sit in the front and block peoples view, or that they never go out in public again because they might block someone from seeing the salad in the supermarket.

Well I’m glad I read this thread. Because that’s me not paying hundreds to watch a performance in a theatre again, as by being inclusive, someone could be “being themselves” and ruin the full shebang.

Not very inclusive to me is it? I’m now excluded. As I won’t be putting up with that racket.

Of course you won't, because I am having a discussion and you've just come on told me how to parent my child with disabilities and it's clear haven't understood a thing and have no experience at all, but you haven't let that hold you back from being patronising.

I would be embarrassed too.

I expect disabled people had their enjoyment diminished as well. Perhaps this discussion should be about noisy people being required to either keep the noise down or leave the theatre and not about disability?

I didn't misread, you said it, then clarified it.

As someone with an autistic child I agree with you OP. The man should have been taken out or taken to a session that is more suitable for his needs

Because it's rude and inconsiderate to attend a performance knowing that your behaviour will ruin the performance for everyone else who has paid to be there. Being disabled doesn't give you a free pass to be rude and ruin an evening that others have paid a lot of money for.

(Incidentally, I do think it's bizarre that people compare not being able to go to the theatre to being 'locked up'; if that's the case then I've been wrongfully imprisoned for many years, thanks to financial and distance constraints).

There is a point where one person’s inclusion shouldn’t be ruining the experience for everyone else, this includes crying babies, children not keeping still and those with disabilities which mean they cannot follow the established social rules of a setting even with reasonable adjustments. Reasonable adjustments are just that, reasonable, having someone in a wheelchair space, end of a row or free carer pass, not making so much noise it disrupts others. My dsd would be in that category so we would only take her to a special disability friendly event designed for those with high levels of learning disability eg so saw a special showing of mama mia, everyone there were in the same situation plus carers, she loved it but wasn’t quiet during the talking bits (nor were many others!)

Had the same thing happen when I saw The Lion King

If I want to take my child to a relaxed performance of a child friendly West End musical I can do so max twice a year.

The choices honestly for people with disabilities are go, ask the access team for support and manage the best we all can accepting it’s not ideal for anyone or don’t go.

if the person with disabilities was getting nothing from the show and was for example only accompanying others then indeed the solution might be not to go but if the person with disabilities is going for themselves then what are their options (many shows don’t even have a relaxed performance)

Basically it’s annoying, suck it up, see if the theatre can refund you or just move on. I’ve had similar at cinema and theatre performances but like many things it’s nobody’s fault, there is no great solutions and so I shrug and move on.

Sometimes in life we have to use our common sense and make sensible decisions.

If your child is disruptive and constantly shouts out throughout a performance, it's about having consideration for the performers who have spent months learning lines etc and for the audience who have paid a lot of money to see the show.

Greatest good of the greatest number, surely. That’s how societies have to operate. So one person disrupting something for 700, or however many were there, isn’t ok. Now sometimes that will just happen anyway. I was at an outdoor theatre yesterday and the show was stopped because a member of the audience had become unwell due to overheating. So the stage manager stopped the performance while the person was helped and seen to at their seat (and staff cleared up because they had been sick), and they were taken out once they felt well enough to move. Took about 15 / 20 mins and then the show resumed. But in a scenario where someone’s known and standard behaviour is highly likely to spoil the show for other people then that can’t be ok, can it? Because that’s elevating an individual over the majority.

I don’t understand why you wouldn't go back. Or ask for theatre vouchers?

It’s like cutting off your nose to spite your face.

@WillThingsEverBeFergaliciousAgain apologies for missing your reply, because I had someone else mention me in another post at the same time.

Ok, you believe every single theatrical performance should be signed. How are those costs paid for? As you mentioned amateurs, let's stick with them. An amateur group of my acquaintance contacted a local supplier of signers because they wanted to have a signed performance and they wanted £340. The maximum box office for that one performance (if sold out) was £1200 from which £240 was taken off the top for royalties before hire of the hall, costumes, set, advertising etc. It was financially non viable. For a week of performances, you could be talking £2500+.

There aren't enough signers in the country to ensure every single performance in every single theatre or village hall is signed. So do we tell amateurs they can no longer perform their hobby? Close down small theatres that can't provide this service 6-8 times a week? Well done you for volunteering but sadly that's not the real world.

Oh, and which performance would you opt not to use BSL but to use Makaton instead? Or would you use both at all performances?

I think the answer to why should one person be allowed to foreseeably ruin the enjoyment of another one hundred and more should be self evident.

Sometimes in life we have to use our common sense and make sensible decisions.

Great in theory, but for some people their disabilities aren't "sometimes in life" they are constant, and people are disrupted everywhere they go. So their "sensible decisions" whie they have to be thinking of everyone else mean they would never leave their house so their presence doesn't piss everyone else off.

YANBU.

I have a disabled 15 year old and would never take him to any kind of event where I know he would disrupt it for other people.
He only started going to the cinema fairly recently - after we managed to watch a whole film at home with him learning to be quiet and whisper the words he usually shouts out. I was still fully prepared to leave with him if he did, however.

It's the same with a lot of things, unfortunately. People don't seem to consider others much anymore.
I take my younger children to soft play - but I make it clear that they're not to enter the baby area.
I love my dog and take her for walks - but I keep her on her lead as soon as I see anyone else, not because she's dangerous, but because other people might not like dogs, their dog might not be friendly, they might be allergic etc. Thankfully we have a lovely flat green space where I can see someone coming ahead of time, and she has fantastic recall aaaaaand I've lost you, haven't I? 🤣 I can never stay on a topic 😆

The majority do need to enjoy the performance and it’s not right that they cannot. Some theatres do have special performances for disabled people where they might spoil the ambience for others. It’s really up to people to respect others and it’s not possible for everyone to participate in everything. It’s manners really. I know it feels wrong but the theatre could have taken steps to deal with this.

A couple of years ago, at a theatre in Edinburgh, a man in a wheelchair was verbally abusing other theatre goers during the performance. We heard the words and people asking him to be quiet. A couple got up and complained. The staff escorted the man in the wheelchair and his companion out of the theatre. As they should. The complaining couple never returned so I hope they got more tickets! This performance was a ballet! Individuals don’t trump the needs of the majority in this type of situation.

There are lots of things I would love to see happen that won't happen due to financial constraints.

I'm sure there are lots of things in the world you believe should happen that won't due to the cost.

Not sure what your point is really.

It's this sort of bonkers interpretation of inclusivity which leads to resentment of disabled people - not a desirable outcome.

I worked in a school where the kids were desperate to get on to the playing field at break time for the first time after the winter. The Head, a self-righteous puritan, made a big deal about not allowing them to do so because one student was a wheelchair-user and couldn't access the grassy areas.

How do you think that made the majority feel towards this blameless lad? Esp as the Head made a big deal about it to the other children. What she should have done was to make sure the boy could access the grass - and there were a number of ways this could have been achieved. Silly woman. But she was very pleased with herself.