AIBU to be cross about school dismissing my daughter's severe periods?

[Meetmeinlove]

My DD 14 has horrendous periods- I suspect she might have PMDD which I also have. Her mood is terrible in the run up, can barely move for the first day, often throws up, is doubled over with cramps and it also often triggers migraines too. She often can’t get out of bed for a day- and this is with ibuprofen and paracetemol together.

It’s virtually impossible to get her to school- I have tried but she’s often too unwell. Last month she also leaked through her clothes and we had to pick her up as she was so distressed and embarrassed.

The school have said that they don’t view periods as a reason for a day off. I have tried to explain that DDs are severe but they said to me ‘periods can be treated with an ibuprofen’.

I would add that the medical team at school have also not been helpful at all and have at times refused to give her ibuprofen even with my permission. It all feels ridiculous. I think the way they have handled it has made her less keen to go in when she has her period as they handled the leak issue terribly and she was hysterical when we collected her. (They were very unsympathetic and wouldn’t let her ring home etc- tried to send her back to class and get her to wear someone else’s
clothes that didn’t fit properly- it just made things worse)

I think it’s probably PMDD- I have had it for years and it wasn’t diagnosed until much later for me - it’s been awful though and does need careful management particularly around mood. I have had suicidal ideation with it and don’t want my DD to go through that too.

Aibu to be cross at the schools stance though- I will have to get a proper doctors note I think but I think my annoyance comes from the general ‘take an ibuprofen and get on with it’ dismissive attitude when DD is genuinely unwell with it and I have explained this to them on multiple occasions.

@Meetmeinlove I work advising schools. (name changed here).

Your daughter has a medical condition which is impacting her education. She is entitled to her education.
The governing board/trustees are responsible for ensuring that the school meets the medical needs of all pupils so that every pupil gets the education to which they are entitled.

This is the Department for Education guidance that sets this out.
The school should have a medical policy. Do they? Are they following this?
Use the guidance to support your conversation with the school and expectations of them.

Your LA may have a medical/education officer who will support the school to put in place the medical health care plan. This is to help you all work through the medical needs so that your daughter’s education is not impacted (minimised as much as possible).

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/5ce6a72e40f0b620a103bd53/supporting-pupils-at-school-with-medical-conditions.pdf

I was like you DD. I started them at 11 and they were horrendous from day one. Flooding, leaking, horrendous pain in my stomach, hips, thighs & back. I would not be able to attend school for a full week every month due to how horrid they were. I was up every hour in the night too changing pads bc they were just so heavy. By the end of it I was exhausted and used to have to sleep for a full day uninterrupted. School were never sympathetic. In one lesson i'd need to go to the toilet twice which sometimes they'd say no and i'd just walk out anyway. I leaked all over during science one I remember it vividly. Luckily my science teacher was a lovely, understand lady and she got the office to call my mum to come and collect me. Oh it was horrid.
I was diagnosed with endometriosis at 24. I fully fully sympathise with her. It was horrid. I was on iron from being 13 as they caused anemia.

Put it in blazer pocket then or ask gp for something like naproxen which is taken every 12 hours, before and after school

What’s the worst school will do? Send her home? She’s already at home missing out on school anyway

You need to really advocate for her. Medical misogyny has exacerbated so many problems for us grown women, we need to make sure medical professionals do better for our daughters.

Then you can take on the school, they sound awful though x

Nobody is saying the school should fix it they're saying a little bit of understanding would go a long way

I would explain to school it isnt the period shes off for its the fact she is being investigated for PMDD and/or a blood disorder and/or a gynaecological issue.

I hope your daughter gets some help

My DD had very painful periods and has since been diagnosed with PMDD. A GP prescribed her the pill at 15 and another GP (wisely in my opinion) refused to prescribe it less than a year later because of breast cancer history in her immediate family. She has never taken any hormonal contraception since. School will accept a CAMHS letter so that is the correct route to ask to be referred to, as PMDD is a mental illness that can only be diagnosed by a mental health professional. The pill can exacerbate PMDD symptoms.

Actually, no, we don't have those choices available to us. As teachers we're not able to 'decide for ourselves based on our own opinions of something in the absence of any evidence.' In the same way that the police aren't able to informally decide what is and isn't a crime. This isn't how it works. We're not parents, we're teachers. We should always try and remain objective, and that means we can only go on the evidence we have, not what someone else might believe about a situation.

Similarly, there is no mechanism by which individual teachers or schools can 'push back against unattainable targets'. They're set by the government. It's not a negotiation. Head teachers have been arguing with the government for years about this. Teachers unions have been arguing with the government for years about the 'problems with other services'. We can't fix this. And the more people blame us for things entirely outside of our control, the easier it is for the people who do have actual control to shrug their shoulders and pretend none of it is their fault, and so the problems just keep getting bigger and bigger.

So much easier to slash services if you can convince the majority that the reason their needs aren't being met is because 'schools don't care'.

Well clearly they do, because some schools aren’t acting like it!

Treat the kids like human beings. Do better.

We all know teachers like you describe, they damage kids.

Did you see OP's post where she said the school does bag searches and removes it from her ...

Yes, this is exactly the message successive governments have wanted you to receive. Nothing to do with policy and funding, it's just those nasty teachers and the schools that are run like prisons.

Teachers teach. First Aiders, who are not always teachers, deal with medical problems in school.

I suffered like this and eventually at age 28 was prescribed Mefanaemic Acid which changed my life.

I would push and push the doctor to prescribe something. You can get Naproxen from the pharmacist which lasts 12 hours.

I like this response. So daughter could take a medication in the morning before school and this would resolve the pain issue. Treatment needs to be sorted with a doctor.

And school staff are now medical professionals?!?! Absolutely abhorrent way to treat a young female in pain and massively embarrassed……..where’s the dignity and compassion?
Has your DD been examined by her GP? And I would be seriously considering a referral to a gynaecologist.
As for the school, raise a complaint and take this further if necessary OP

So, to summarise, parent should be advocating for her daughter and getting medical treatment but isn't doing that. Was fobbed off by the doctor but there's no complaint there. A suitable painkiller is available but she's not giving her that either - we know it's suitable because there's annoyance that a less suitable painkiller is being confiscated. Parent should complain to the school because they offered a change of clothes.

YABU for not going to the doctor again sooner. Try to see a different one. The school is more likely to listen if you have a proper diagnosis.

"As for the school, raise a complaint and take this further if necessary OP"

This is another reason that teachers maybe. Just maybe, cannot risk using discretion so as to " treat people like human beings".

The slightest mis step or parent disagreeing with what the staff members have done equals complaint.

Another pupil tells their parents the rules have been bent for someone else equals possible complaint.

If there is a complaint the teachers only defence is that they followed policy. Otherwise they could put the roof over their heads and the food on their families table at risk.

If your child needs medicine in school you follow the school's policy - usually you inform the school what medication they need and how often and it is stored somewhere for the child to collect when needed.

If a staff member does a bag search sees medication. Not prescribed woe betide them if they ignore them and a child takes too many gives some to a friend or whatever.

Teachers are not medically trained and neither are first aiders.

The school has attendance policy based on government guidance and targets.

I'm sorry the school have been sympathetic so far, but you really do need to get GP involvement.

There is a legal framework (Managing Medicines in Schools) that dictates some of what you're referring to eg if your school does ibuprofen at all, only one dose a day can be given and not if the student has already taken it at home that morning. We can also only administer per packet instructions unless we have a GP letter stating that a student needs something out of the ordinary.

It's also absolutely correct that they don't allow students to carry their own medications. You may be able to trust your daughter, but it's well within the realms of possibility that others might swap medications or give things to friends resulting in reactions and even the possibility of overdose.

As a student welfare officer, if you came to me with this issue, I would offer the following:

Flag on system that your daughter is under investigation for these issues
Agreement that she could have a toilet pass for the week of her period each time. If irregular, we'd do her an ongoing one for a fixed period while the issue was investigated and medical evidence provided of her needs in school
You should be able to send in paracetamol and ibuprofen for the medical room to store for your DD's own use and they may want to issue a medical pass, but in our case we would recommend ibuprofen before school, then coming to medical at break/lunch to top up with paracetamol.
We might suggest use of a discreet tens machine or stick on heat patches for pain relief, and would also heat up a microwave wheat pack or fill a hot water bottle if she wanted to bring one in.
We could keep a spare set of clothes if that was something helpful for you to send in and can provide cleaning wipes, San pro and period pants in the event of a leak. We do occasionally send girls home if they're really struggling having had this. We'd usually encourage them to clean up and come back if there's enough of the school day left.

I would expect a GP to provide tranexemic acid (for bleeding) and mefanamic acid (for pain). At this point we would again hold them in medical and issue a pass so she could come out of class and take them as needed although we'd encourage any student to take required medication at times that minimally affect their learning.

I appreciate it's frustrating, but school medical rooms have rules and guidelines to follow. That said they should be having a conversation and at least trying to work with you on this.

Just to say a lot has changed recently for treating PMDD. My daughter suspected she had it. Dr referred her to a women’s clinic within the week and she is now on a relatively new version of the mini pill which has really helped. She was previously unable to use hormonal contraception as it made her depression and anxiety much worse and had come off the combined pill year ago due to similar problems with suicidal thoughts. The one they put her on is called Slynd and it’s been a godsend for her.

Why the fuck is it so hard to get help for this? In this day and age, no kid should have to tolerate this. I live in Aus and struggled with stuff like this since my first period. I made sure to communicate with my daughters that if they wanted help, I would fight for it with them. Luckily have an amazing GP. DD1 was fine, but DD2 very similar to what @Meetmeinlove has described. Throwing up, massive depression, cramps, apple-sized clots, the works. She didn’t get on with the pill because she has migraines with aura, so she was given a Mirena Implant under twilight sedation (she has no memory of it) and once it settled in, it absolutely changed her life. I live in Australia and I know we are more empowered here, but go to DR and demand action.

@Meetmeinlove Vitamins D and A might help, there's some anecdotal evidence that they can reduce both heavy bleeding and PMDD. You can have too much of both though so I would try to get both tested before supplementing, just to have a baseline

With regards to the school confiscating meds off her, personally I'd sew a wee pouch behind the waistband of her skirt for them and tell her not to tell anyone about it

I can't figure out if you're joking? You must be, surely?

GPS often have dome areas they have done more training or interesting in. I know it isn't always possible to pick who you see, but if a GP at your surgery has more of an interest in women's health, may be worth trying to book with them.
Hopefully you can get some help for your daughter.

On a side note, if she is bleeding heavily she may also be anemic, so may need her iron levels checked.

Everyone saying about meds as if it’s an easy option. My daughter was put on 2 different contraceptives, the first she caused her extreme panic attacks almost daily and the sesonf caused such bad depression she was suicidal at 16. It’s not something to be taken likely. That would affect her education more than a day of per month