AIBU to be cross about school dismissing my daughter's severe periods?

[Meetmeinlove]

My DD 14 has horrendous periods- I suspect she might have PMDD which I also have. Her mood is terrible in the run up, can barely move for the first day, often throws up, is doubled over with cramps and it also often triggers migraines too. She often can’t get out of bed for a day- and this is with ibuprofen and paracetemol together.

It’s virtually impossible to get her to school- I have tried but she’s often too unwell. Last month she also leaked through her clothes and we had to pick her up as she was so distressed and embarrassed.

The school have said that they don’t view periods as a reason for a day off. I have tried to explain that DDs are severe but they said to me ‘periods can be treated with an ibuprofen’.

I would add that the medical team at school have also not been helpful at all and have at times refused to give her ibuprofen even with my permission. It all feels ridiculous. I think the way they have handled it has made her less keen to go in when she has her period as they handled the leak issue terribly and she was hysterical when we collected her. (They were very unsympathetic and wouldn’t let her ring home etc- tried to send her back to class and get her to wear someone else’s
clothes that didn’t fit properly- it just made things worse)

I think it’s probably PMDD- I have had it for years and it wasn’t diagnosed until much later for me - it’s been awful though and does need careful management particularly around mood. I have had suicidal ideation with it and don’t want my DD to go through that too.

Aibu to be cross at the schools stance though- I will have to get a proper doctors note I think but I think my annoyance comes from the general ‘take an ibuprofen and get on with it’ dismissive attitude when DD is genuinely unwell with it and I have explained this to them on multiple occasions.

Particularly when presumably all the children with allergies are carrying their EpiPens around everywhere?!

I assume that was addressed to me. Her dev paed said that her anxiety was like a wall that was stopping any other sort of intervention or therapy from getting through. It needed to be lowered so that other measures could be effective. We had no interest in exhausting all other measures while our DD was being destroyed by anxiety plus the pressure to get her toilet trained and ready for school. I know you’ll hate this but whatever: DD received antidepressants all throughout my pregnancy with her. It was decided by my medical team before I became pregnant that it was best that I remain on my medication and not try to reduce the dose or come off it entirely. That would likely have resulted in neither myself and therefore nor DD reaching the end of the pregnancy. If I had breastfed I would have remained on them too. Better to have a happy healthy engaged mum with a trace of meds getting through to baby than a depressed mum who doesn’t engage with her baby.

Anyway I’m back on page 7 so I’m going to catch up on what I’ve missed in the past 4 hours while I was busy doing boring grown up stuff.

That is so sad for your daughter. I would definitely ask them to review their policies and wording.

I struggled when I was younger. For me, choosing the start a pill that’s more helpful for painful periods etc was good. I took a combined pill back to pack, often 3 months in a row and had a short break when convenient for me as opposed to every 21 days. Having the control when a withdrawal bleed happened was much better than monthly periods with no control. I hope your daughter finds some relief soon.

YANBU. Also ibuprofen is small and doesn't need to stay in a blister pack. I'd doing some decanting in her situation.

Reading your post has made my blood boil. My daughter left school 15 years ago and we had exactly the same issue. She was 14 and would lose at least 3 days a month, I’d get a phone call from the head of year, I once invited them to come and see her bed, told them it resembled a butcher’s block.

At the age of 21 our daughter had severely deteriorated, her weight was below the BMI, she was anaemic and her periods were seriously worse than ever. We were told by her Drs everything should settle down by this age, which really isn’t acceptable. She even had negative responses from her manager every month, not helpful at all. We paid for a gynaecologist who did a laparoscopy, he found she had endometriosis, it was bad. She also had a unicornuate uterus (half of a uterus) the other half had formed into a horn that bled constantly in her pelvis, so no relief whatsoever.

No one took it seriously, Drs, school, we even paid for a consultation when she was 14, the idiot said she was too young for endometriosis. I’ve had endometriosis and knew from experience that her periods were not in the normal range.

I honestly don’t know what the solution would be with school, I can’t believe it’s still happening. I’m sure many other lovely people on here can help you. In my opinion it’s a form of misogyny on the schools part.

Given my time again with hindsight I would have done a lot more. I’d have contacted my local truancy officer, or whatever they’re called now, and get the support of my G.P, and local M.P. My poor daughter ended up having a hysterectomy at the age of 27, so many miscarriages and constant bleeding, she had no life and couldn’t work. The medical misogyny and not being believed for years has resulted in her being diagnosed with PTSD, it’s been absolutely awful. Schools should be more informed, they educate regarding trans issues yet when it comes to womens health they are fucking useless and it needs to change!!!

50% of the school population are female and the school needs 95% attendance over all pupils for each school year. But by all means write to Ofsted.

Gosh how schools have changed.. I'd be straight in talking to the head teacher. I started my periods age 8.. suffered endometriosis scince being 14 and ppmd.. l am now 68.. both my daughters were the same.. we were allowed to go to the toilet whenever and take our medication.. when my youngest had problems l just took her out of school.. and the school provided work for her to do at home
. Not sure what the polices are now because all Grandkids are/ were home educated.. schools are just interested in attendance and their numbers.

The problem is that plenty of teenagers are decanting medications and schools don’t have drug testing facilities, so all pills are confiscated.

Ofsted will put the school into a lower category if attendance falls below 95% - it’s a big focus for them.

Please get her to a doctor and explain to the doctor the severity of the pain she is experiencing, because OTC painkillers are going to do jack shit for her and are obviously doing jack shit.
I had severely painful periods from the very start, and the only thing that helped was prescription painkillers - mefenamic acid tablets. Plus hot water bottles.
Why haven't you taken her to a doctor?
By the way, the school/staff member are WRONG. It's absolutely disgraceful and they need to be put right and put in their place. Show them this post if you like.
My life was ruined by my periods, I had 3 days of SEVERE pain, 'please just shoot me, pain, for a good 3 days every month. The kind where you're on the toilet shaking and sweating (cramping caused diarrhoea). I have been crawling on my hands and knees at work before - luckily had my own office and usually nobody around. And the Ponstan tablets only worked if they 'caught the pain in time'.
I also had severe PMS - the acronym you used, basically.
I would say - SUGAR is a no no at the start of a period, it noticeably made my pain horrific.
Interestingly, no endo found by the time I had a hysterectomy. I did ask for investigations once even younger and the GP refused!
I was subsequently diagnosed with fibromyalgia, though, and apparently that's something to do with faulty pain receptors so 🤷🙄

I didn't say this rests kid with schools

School have to adhere to statutory policy. It’s not a choice. They can’t allow children to bring in their own meds to take whenever they want but they can keep the meds in the office to be administered when needed.

I suggest reading the following to support your DD:
https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/supporting-pupils-at-school-with-medical-conditions--3

Oh poor girl, I'm so sorry. 💐 I hope she's doing well.

Yeah, I was put on the pill as an older teenager, for the pain. It worked like a dream - but I was also someone who was made very depressed by the pill, and I wasn't keen on the other potential side effects so had another go with it when a bit older, for contraception, then never took it again.

Do you work with teenagers?

Yours may be grown up and sensible - mine was - I can assure you that may of them aren't.

I've had to follow overdose/safeguarding/incident reporting protocols on several occasions because plenty of teenagers think they know better than the adults charged with their care and wellbeing.

The number of kids I see demanding medication for minor ailments is wild, as is the number that come back after barely more than an hour, wanting more. So I explain to them there is a time limit between doses, offer alternative options if possible (ice pack for example, or a bit of time out). Most respect that, some will wander off and if a friend is carry tablets and offers them, they will take them. A while late they feel iffy so come back to me or go up their pastoral team who eventually get out of them what's gone on. If they have taken a double dose of something and are feeling unwell in a different way to the original presentation, we have to treat it the same way whether they have taken 2 extra tablets or 15.

I can well imagine a situation where this could happen repeatedly during the course of the day with even worse results.

I get if you have a sensible kid, it's really frustrating, but our job is to care for and safeguard hundreds of kids and not all of them will have the same levels of cognition or maturity.

We have safeguarding and health and safety procedures these days...

EpiPens and Asthma are inhalers are emergency medications that need to be administered immediately and are potentially lifesaving.

As horrible as excruciating periods are (mine weren't fun and my daughter is currently being tested for endo) having to walk a couple of minutes to the medical room to access pain relief isn't going to kill anyone.

This would still require evidence of the medical condition, symptoms, treatment plan, emergency response protocols etc.

I agree however that should try and put something in place as an interim measure in the meantime.

Some children can manage meds safely but there are many that do not - see poster above who works with this age group. Therefore there is statutory guidance in place to cover medical needs in schools. This then informs school policy. All policies should be available on school website to view and explain to parents what steps to take if your child has medical needs.

"What is the thinking behind this practice?"

Complying with government legislation, which a previous poster linked to.

Or like other posters you can ignore that and simply label it as misogyny on the school part, I suppose

We were allowed to fill in a form for medications to be stored and handed out at discretion of the school nurse. I think a lot of schools no longer have a school nurse.

I posted earlier OP about my dd and the mef. Acid and pill. It took some time to get the regimen successful, so I would try again sooner rather than later.

Also, and I appreciate this can be hard for a young girl, but try and get her to spell it out to the dr herself and advocate for her own health.
When my small statured 15 yr old was prepared to tell an older male GP about her bleed throughs we started to make some progress. I think he realised that if she was back yet again and that her need for help overcame her embarrassment, then she was really suffering and it was time to rule out significant problems.

That’s absolutely terrible of the school and I would be writing to the board or whoever if in charge. How can they be so uncaring and rigid?!
DD also has awful periods and can be off for 2/3 days at a time but I literally email the secretary and she marks her out and sympathises.
I’ve had to pick her up numerous times and they never say a word.
We have a GP appt when we get back from holiday to start the pill. She’s taking tablets just now to stop her period while we are away
DD also takes tablets to school. Never heard of a school not allowing medicine to be carried if they should need it.
That school needs to give its head a wobble.

The OP has medical already sought medical advice and will have health records. A diagnosis is not necessary with the healthcare plan in place through any process of diagnosis, change in condition etc

There is a legal requirement for all pupils to have access to an education including support for medical conditions which impact on access to education, attendance etc. Adaptations to meet need.

This is a duty of the governing board/trustees.

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/5ce6a72e40f0b620a103bd53/supporting-pupils-at-school-with-medical-conditions.pdf

"There is a legal requirement for all pupils to have access to an education including support for medical conditions"

Well support for medical conditions would not include allowing a pupil to keep medication in the bag they have not been prescribed, nor can they reasonable be expected to exceed their remit and make allowances or treat conditions in excess of those diagnosed by health professionals.

The problem here is that the GP has apparently has not yet treated the pupil effectively or given her suitable prescriptions and until this happens the school's hands are tied