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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Birthday iPad gone before the weekend’s even started. AIBU not replacing it?

254 replies

TryingToKeepTheLidOn · 03/07/2026 23:18

Please don’t flame me.

I already know some of you will say I shouldn’t of bought him one in the first place but ive been putting money away since after Christmas because school keep going on about everything being online now and his old tablet took about half an hour just to switch on.

Hes just turned 12.

I got him an iPad for his birthday yesterday. Biggest present hes ever had. I cant really afford things like that but I did extra shifts where I could and stopped buying little bits for myself because I wanted him to have something nice for once if that makes sense.

Anyway its gone.

Before anyone says insurance yes I know. I know. I didn’t sort it yet because I only bought it this week.

He came home tonight saying older lads at the park smashed it because he wouldn’t let them have a go. I absolutely lost it because I was thinking why have you even taken it out there. Then after about an hour of me asking questions the story changed and now apparently it wasn’t smashed at all.

Now hes saying he sold it.

Or swapped it.

I still don’t actually know which because every time I ask him its different.

Something about getting cash off some older boy and trainers as well but then the trainers aren’t here so God knows.

His dad will be no help before anyone asks. Don’t ask.

I honestly feel sick because I worked so hard to get it. The school letters make it sound like every child needs one now and I thought I was doing the right thing instead of him always borrowing one off school or saying he couldn’t do homework.

Before anyone says hes obviously a bad kid hes not all bad. Hes funny when he wants to be and brilliant with his little sister. Then he does things like this and I could scream.

This isn’t even the first thing this year. We had police at mine over something else in April that wasn’t even really him in the end although he was with the boys involved and I thought we’d turned a corner after that.

Now I’m sat here thinking I’ve basically worked months for someone else to end up with an iPad.

He keeps saying sorry and crying and then five minutes later says it wasn’t his fault because everyone else was getting on at him.

I dont even know whats true anymore.

I cant replace it. There is no money. I genuinely mean there is no money.

AIBU to tell him that’s it and if school want him using one they’ll have to sort something out because I’m not buying another one?

OP posts:
NoisyHiker · 04/07/2026 11:48

You have bigger problems here than the ipad.

You need to get far more actively involved in parenting your son. That money would have been put to far better use paying for him to join a sporting club or hobby at the weekends.

He shouldn't be being left to just 'hang round' a park. It sounds like he is in trouble, and it also sounds the perfect storm of age/vulnerability/lack of parental guidance to get sucked in to county lines.

Wake up.

NullaEffugium · 04/07/2026 11:49

The first story was probably the truth. You then lost it so he tried to say anything that would calm you down. The real issue is he is being bullied by older boys and you need to look into it. Blaming him is victim blaming. There is no use being angry with him on this.

I don’t understand the not sorting out Apple Care+ you sign up for it when you first set up the iPad. Did you not even pair his iPad with your phone so you could do a findmy to see where it is?

Do you have the receipt and box? If so get onto a chat with Apple support, they can lock down the iPad so it can’t be used and they may be able to help you get a new one if it has been stolen so very recently.

In future, don’t hand over an iPad until it is all set up and you have activated apple care + on it. My DC broke their first iPad by accident. I had a new one in 24hrs no questions asked.

BuildbyNumbere · 04/07/2026 11:50

He’s 12 … why on earth is he taking an expensive item out and about to the park with him?!? Should have been told it was to remain at home.
If you’ve already had police to your door over his behaviour I’d be re-thinking how much freedom he’s actually allowed!!!
I wouldn’t be replacing it and he wouldn’t be going out until he can prove he’s grown up enough to be trusted!

CalmWriter · 04/07/2026 11:51

Use Find My Device to locate it.
If it has been smashed, report to the police.

pimplebum · 04/07/2026 11:51

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 03/07/2026 23:23

This is bizarre. It’s also a story full of lies so I’d involve the police because either there’s a thief about or he’s doing seriously odd things himself.

WHEN you have some facts THEN you involve the police they don’t have resources to get to the bottom on this nonsense

How did you not notice him leaving to go to the park with it ?

i would go on local facebook sites and ask if anyone saw anything or has any child who has come home with an random ipad my local facebook group for my area has 24 thousand people on it and. Someone would grass a teen up fast

i am sorry this has happened , you need to tell the school he has clearly been scammed by older boys snd need protection and help

BuildbyNumbere · 04/07/2026 11:52

Marmalademorning · 04/07/2026 04:58

This. It sounds like he’s mixing with older kids who are leading him astray OP. As his parent you need to protect him from this. If he’s has police involvement already then that should have been your wakeup call.

Show quote history

💯 only going to get worse as he gets older … needs dealing with now.

Peachylove802 · 04/07/2026 11:55

Obviously don't even think about replacing it. I'd call the police and tell him you want a straight answer as to what happened to it.

ForeverTheOptomist · 04/07/2026 11:58

TryingToKeepTheLidOn · 03/07/2026 23:18

Please don’t flame me.

I already know some of you will say I shouldn’t of bought him one in the first place but ive been putting money away since after Christmas because school keep going on about everything being online now and his old tablet took about half an hour just to switch on.

Hes just turned 12.

I got him an iPad for his birthday yesterday. Biggest present hes ever had. I cant really afford things like that but I did extra shifts where I could and stopped buying little bits for myself because I wanted him to have something nice for once if that makes sense.

Anyway its gone.

Before anyone says insurance yes I know. I know. I didn’t sort it yet because I only bought it this week.

He came home tonight saying older lads at the park smashed it because he wouldn’t let them have a go. I absolutely lost it because I was thinking why have you even taken it out there. Then after about an hour of me asking questions the story changed and now apparently it wasn’t smashed at all.

Now hes saying he sold it.

Or swapped it.

I still don’t actually know which because every time I ask him its different.

Something about getting cash off some older boy and trainers as well but then the trainers aren’t here so God knows.

His dad will be no help before anyone asks. Don’t ask.

I honestly feel sick because I worked so hard to get it. The school letters make it sound like every child needs one now and I thought I was doing the right thing instead of him always borrowing one off school or saying he couldn’t do homework.

Before anyone says hes obviously a bad kid hes not all bad. Hes funny when he wants to be and brilliant with his little sister. Then he does things like this and I could scream.

This isn’t even the first thing this year. We had police at mine over something else in April that wasn’t even really him in the end although he was with the boys involved and I thought we’d turned a corner after that.

Now I’m sat here thinking I’ve basically worked months for someone else to end up with an iPad.

He keeps saying sorry and crying and then five minutes later says it wasn’t his fault because everyone else was getting on at him.

I dont even know whats true anymore.

I cant replace it. There is no money. I genuinely mean there is no money.

AIBU to tell him that’s it and if school want him using one they’ll have to sort something out because I’m not buying another one?

heartbreaking, but you are clearly a wonderful and loving mother.

3 options

  • Get the school involved
  • As said before, police
  • Find out which child has it, go to their home, get it back, and take DS with you.
SpunkyOchreSnake · 04/07/2026 12:02

It’s not unreasonable of you to buy him it, but it is on you for letting him take it to the park. That’s honestly crazy. It all sounds very dodgy so I would be getting the police involved to get the truth out of him.

Schnapps00 · 04/07/2026 12:03

TryingToKeepTheLidOn · 03/07/2026 23:18

Please don’t flame me.

I already know some of you will say I shouldn’t of bought him one in the first place but ive been putting money away since after Christmas because school keep going on about everything being online now and his old tablet took about half an hour just to switch on.

Hes just turned 12.

I got him an iPad for his birthday yesterday. Biggest present hes ever had. I cant really afford things like that but I did extra shifts where I could and stopped buying little bits for myself because I wanted him to have something nice for once if that makes sense.

Anyway its gone.

Before anyone says insurance yes I know. I know. I didn’t sort it yet because I only bought it this week.

He came home tonight saying older lads at the park smashed it because he wouldn’t let them have a go. I absolutely lost it because I was thinking why have you even taken it out there. Then after about an hour of me asking questions the story changed and now apparently it wasn’t smashed at all.

Now hes saying he sold it.

Or swapped it.

I still don’t actually know which because every time I ask him its different.

Something about getting cash off some older boy and trainers as well but then the trainers aren’t here so God knows.

His dad will be no help before anyone asks. Don’t ask.

I honestly feel sick because I worked so hard to get it. The school letters make it sound like every child needs one now and I thought I was doing the right thing instead of him always borrowing one off school or saying he couldn’t do homework.

Before anyone says hes obviously a bad kid hes not all bad. Hes funny when he wants to be and brilliant with his little sister. Then he does things like this and I could scream.

This isn’t even the first thing this year. We had police at mine over something else in April that wasn’t even really him in the end although he was with the boys involved and I thought we’d turned a corner after that.

Now I’m sat here thinking I’ve basically worked months for someone else to end up with an iPad.

He keeps saying sorry and crying and then five minutes later says it wasn’t his fault because everyone else was getting on at him.

I dont even know whats true anymore.

I cant replace it. There is no money. I genuinely mean there is no money.

AIBU to tell him that’s it and if school want him using one they’ll have to sort something out because I’m not buying another one?

Don't beat yourself up too much. The way to think about it is, would you have left him entirely responsible for say £600 in cash being carried around on him? (I've no idea what an iPad costs these days, just a guess!) If the answer is no, then there you have it - he wasn't old enough to have one. Edtech in schools is a scourge and I'm so sorry the pressure there has made you feel like you needed to scrimp and save for him, education should never need that!! (And it doesn't - evidence shows no improvement in attainment by adding in more tech). If I were you, I'd detail all of this in a letter to school to emphasise the pressure you felt under due to (lack of) tech - it's the only way things will change. He's 11 for god's sake, he's not going to be left behind in adulthood by not having done everything on a tablet at this age!!

The rest is up to you - chalk it up to a bad experience (and he can work to save up himself for a new one if he chooses), or try to investigate where it's gone to get it back to show him it was overly impulsive. BUT, you can't expect him to fully appreciate the impact of losing something so valuable, he's just not old enough (and presumably doesn't ever handle those amounts of money!).

AWeeCupOfTeaAndAnIndividualFruitTrifle · 04/07/2026 12:06

aintnothinbutagstring · 04/07/2026 11:34

He wont need an ipad for school - if he has a phone, he can download homework apps on there. A basic laptop or chromebook would be better than an ipad for schoolwork anyway and a whole lot cheaper. I dont understand the argument a poster had above about the ipad being the same as a phone therefore you would take it to the park - well no its not the same is it? A phone is pocket sized and will connect to internet via mobile data - most people would only connect an ipad via home wifi so its pointless taking an ipad out. All of that is by the by anyway - sounds like the ops child is mixing with some dodgy kids and that's what needs investigating.

I don't know about the one that OP's DS had, but tablets come in two main varieties: the ones that only work with wi-fi; and others that have their own SIM and can function exactly the same as a phone - albeit people usually use the loudspeaker or bluetooth when making voice calls rather than have to hold it up to their ear!

Phone companies will often push offer tablets as an extra deal to customers - and theirs always come with their own SIM card and number, because that's the main point of their business: providing you with a one-off device so that you commit to paying them each month for two years for their connection service.

NoSausage · 04/07/2026 12:06

There are two ways of looking at this: yours, which reflects personal disappointment in feeling disrespected for sacrificing so much for no recognition, the other, which is that he had a present and made an irresponsible choice (which imo is entirely predictable for a child of that age and is why they aren't trusted)

It's a learning curve or your part so just let it go and take the painful lesson.

LasagneGoblin · 04/07/2026 12:07

Yet another vote for contacting the police and when you do give them any reference numbers you have from the previous involvement or the details of the incident. Request someone comes to talk to your son. This is to help him, not punish him. Whatever has happened is not good.

Do you know the parents of these friends? Did you see him leave the house with the iPad? I know he's 12 but my older teen tells me when he's going out and who he'll be with and I'd clock him trying to take an iPad with him. 12 is a bit young to be going out and not telling you what his plans are or going out when you're not around / unaware.

ProcrastinatorsAnonymous · 04/07/2026 12:08

I think the lying is the biggest problem here. He has clearly made a mistake, but you need to make him understand that even though you might be angry with him, you are still his biggest supporter and on his side - you will back him up and help him sort it out. Can you say to him: forget everything else he's said, wipe the slate clean on that - you were angry but you've gone past that now, so now he has a fresh chance now to tell you the truth about what happened and let you help him.

I would be worried more broadly about who he is mixing with - the police involvement and now this. Are you able to redirect his time by signing him up to some sort of group outside school - scouts, sports clubs, drama, anything that might give him a new focus? Or - nuclear option here, but if moving is something you've been toying with for any other reasons, this would be another reason to go. It sounds like he is at a crossroads and a fresh start could help.

Laurmolonlabe · 04/07/2026 12:22

I think you realise your problem isn't with the Ipad or insurance or any of those things it's with DS. Smasshed, sold swapped, or all of the above, he clearly has a big problem telling the truth, and an even bigger problem taking responsibility for his actions- I'd forget the tears and give him a good talking to- he will either have to put up with the 30 min boot up or borrow one from school.
Your main mistake was buying it at all, knowing he is completely unreliable- the result was inevitable really.

UhOhRatPoo · 04/07/2026 12:28

I really feel for you OP. This has to be a wake-up call for you though, lots of great advice on the thread about how to turn things round before it’s too late.

Do you live in an area with gang problems?

TheSquareMile · 04/07/2026 12:30

@TryingToKeepTheLidOn

OP, it sounds as though he is mixing with people who aren't good for him in any way.

Do you have anything like Scouts or Sea Cadets in your area? It would be a better place for him to be than hanging round in parks.

Sinescure · 04/07/2026 12:31

bridgetreilly · 03/07/2026 23:35

He may or may not be a bad kid, but he is clearly making bad choices and doing stupid things. Tell him exactly what it cost you to get him that iPad - hours worked, sacrifices made. Tell him why you did it, to give him a better chance at school to make a better life for himself in the future.

Then ask him what he would do in your shoes.

Tell him you still love him, so there won’t be punishment, but there can’t be a replacement.

He's not a bad bloody kid, he's 12. A touch young to be given a bad name and hanged don't you think.

Diamondwindow · 04/07/2026 12:32

Ok straight away get on to the school.tell them everything, this is giving safeguarding red flags. Tell them about not affording an iPad, if he really needs one for homework (which is ridiculous) they can sort it. But the bigger issue is the lies and the potential grooming- tell the school about the money and trainers but. They need to know and can hopefully support.

mashandgravy · 04/07/2026 12:35

LaurieFairyCake · 03/07/2026 23:20

You need to get out of him who he’s given it to and go down the park and get it back Flowers either from the kid or the parents

Any chance he has ADHD? It’s really impulsive thing to do

🙄

Friendlygingercat · 04/07/2026 12:43

One year I got a new pencil case for school and carelessly lost it. The walloping I got from my father made me a lot more careful going forward.

abouttogetlynched · 04/07/2026 12:51

Either your son is an ungrateful little shit or he’s in some kind of trouble. I’d be reporting it to the police myself and I’m sure the truth will come out then.
I get you must be gutted you worked so hard to buy it for him, but don’t worry about getting him another one - this is an expensive and depressing lesson learned. Your son needs to learn some responsibility: either look after his stuff, earn his own stuff or be honest with you about what’s happened.

WilfredsPies · 04/07/2026 12:52

SpunkyOchreSnake · 04/07/2026 12:02

It’s not unreasonable of you to buy him it, but it is on you for letting him take it to the park. That’s honestly crazy. It all sounds very dodgy so I would be getting the police involved to get the truth out of him.

She didn’t let him take it to the park. She very clearly says ‘I absolutely lost it because I was thinking why have you even taken it out there’.

KTheGrey · 04/07/2026 12:52

Ouch. That’s gutting.

However - if he needs one for school then school should supply it. Tell them this.

sunnybaros · 04/07/2026 12:56

Sounds to me like he is down the park mixing with a load of dealers. Do you actually know where he is and who he is with when he goes out?

I suggest you involve the police.