Birthday iPad gone before the weekend’s even started. AIBU not replacing it?

[TryingToKeepTheLidOn]

Please don’t flame me.

I already know some of you will say I shouldn’t of bought him one in the first place but ive been putting money away since after Christmas because school keep going on about everything being online now and his old tablet took about half an hour just to switch on.

Hes just turned 12.

I got him an iPad for his birthday yesterday. Biggest present hes ever had. I cant really afford things like that but I did extra shifts where I could and stopped buying little bits for myself because I wanted him to have something nice for once if that makes sense.

Anyway its gone.

Before anyone says insurance yes I know. I know. I didn’t sort it yet because I only bought it this week.

He came home tonight saying older lads at the park smashed it because he wouldn’t let them have a go. I absolutely lost it because I was thinking why have you even taken it out there. Then after about an hour of me asking questions the story changed and now apparently it wasn’t smashed at all.

Now hes saying he sold it.

Or swapped it.

I still don’t actually know which because every time I ask him its different.

Something about getting cash off some older boy and trainers as well but then the trainers aren’t here so God knows.

His dad will be no help before anyone asks. Don’t ask.

I honestly feel sick because I worked so hard to get it. The school letters make it sound like every child needs one now and I thought I was doing the right thing instead of him always borrowing one off school or saying he couldn’t do homework.

Before anyone says hes obviously a bad kid hes not all bad. Hes funny when he wants to be and brilliant with his little sister. Then he does things like this and I could scream.

This isn’t even the first thing this year. We had police at mine over something else in April that wasn’t even really him in the end although he was with the boys involved and I thought we’d turned a corner after that.

Now I’m sat here thinking I’ve basically worked months for someone else to end up with an iPad.

He keeps saying sorry and crying and then five minutes later says it wasn’t his fault because everyone else was getting on at him.

I dont even know whats true anymore.

I cant replace it. There is no money. I genuinely mean there is no money.

AIBU to tell him that’s it and if school want him using one they’ll have to sort something out because I’m not buying another one?

How is he going out to the park without her knowing what he is taking though?

@TryingToKeepTheLidOn if he sold it, where is the cash?

If it’s just broken he needs to tell you so that you can go get it and claim for it on your house contents insurance. Some bank accounts provide insurance automatically too, our Lloyds account covers our electronics (which didn’t ask it to, just part of account package).

If it’s stolen, then you need to contact the police.

Your son must tell you what’s happened. Say you’ll assume it was stolen if he doesn’t and so you have to call the police.

Well partly because he’s 12 and 12 year olds are exceptionally sneaky, especially when they want to do something they know their parent(s) would say ‘no’ to. And partly because it’s an IPad and not an elephant, so reasonably easy to conceal in a waistband and underneath a t shirt, especially if you’re just poking your head behind a door to ask if you can go out. But mostly, I’d imagine, because she’s not in the habit of strip searching him every time he leaves the house.

It has nothing to do with school. The other kids might not even be in the same school.

Going to the door of the child who has taken it might not be the best idea.You have zero idea what sort of person you'd be dealing with.

Police is the only sensible option.

Tell him he needs to tell you the absolute truth because you need to call the police.

I’d definitely get the police involved. It’s the only way you have of getting to the truth and possibly getting the iPad back. Do you still have the box? Contact Apple with the serial number and get it blocked.

I wonder why people start threads and then never come back..

For a start, if the school are so adamant he needs a device to do all this they should be supplying it.
Second- you need to find out what happened to it. Sit him down and refuse to let him go anywhere until you get the truth. And if you can, get in touch with the parents of the kid that took it. Even if that means going to the park and getting him to point the kid out to you. Does your local community have a Facebook page? Use that to name and shame if you have to, to locate the parents.

That was my first thought. I think there may be a bigger problem than the iPad here and I would be very worried. Does he owe money? I know he is very young but could he be being manipulated. I think you need to involve the police.

OP you are burying your head in the sand with this

‘Before anyone says hes obviously a bad kid hes not all bad. Hes funny when he wants to be and brilliant with his little sister. Then he does things like this and I could scream.
This isn’t even the first thing this year. We had police at mine over something else in April that wasn’t even really him in the end although he was with the boys involved and I thought we’d turned a corner after that.’

Oh well as long as he’s funny occasionally and great with his sister it’s ok if he breaks/ loses/ swops electronics, lies and ‘just hangs around’ with kids who attract police involvement?

You need to get a handle on this now.

Best case scenario is it’s smashed tbf and he’s scared to tell you. Because worse scenarios are he owes people money for things you don’t know about and they are the kind of people who’ll take brand new iPads off 12 year olds.

Forget ‘needing a tablet for school’. Your kid is teetering on the edge of criminal activity and one day you will look back and see this was a turning point. I hope you can turn it around the right way.

Lock it online and go.find it

I completely disagree.

This was an iPad that this boy was desperate for.
He obviously doesn’t have many possessions.
He obviously also doesn’t have the easiest childhood either.

The fact that he won’t tell OP the truth, is not because he’s bad - it’s because he’s afraid.

Instead of reacting with frustration or anger, which OP has tried. She needs to reassure him that he’s not in trouble and encourage him to tell the truth.

There are obviously bigger issues going on here and I would involve the police to try and nip whatever it is in the bud.

Agree. Start with the group he was seen mixing with before. “Find my Phone” may show where it last was if you shared Apple id but it has probably been sold on. He won’t have just casually taken it with him to play in the park, he was told to bring it, it has been taken off him and someone is manipulating him for their own ends. Use the “one chance to tell the truth...” line when you have no distractions and report to the police. Find other things to occupy him than hanging out at the park or other new things will disappear.

There is something seriously off here - he's avoiding telling you the truth for a reason and I'd suspect the reason is fear.

This is likely a matter for the police and if I were you, I'd be thinking seriously about moving. This has got trouble written all over it.

Any chance of an update OP??

Exactly this. I would be far more worried about the safety of the child. I know it is awful and frustrating when you have saved hard for something, but he is probably equally devastated and very frightened.

I don’t think so. After all this silence I have a creeping suspicion the OP might have wanted people to chip in for a replacement, but I really hope that’s not the case.

I am worried if he was threaten to give it and that’s why he doesn’t know what to tell you. I would call the police tbh.

She sounded thoroughly broken, TBF - like this was just the straw that broke the camels back. I hope she's alright.

Slightly aggressively put, but yes totally agree.

Sorry but I pads are items that stay at home and don’t go out. Why the hell did he take it out with him ?

OP has already asked him this. She did not encourage it. The concern is that he may owe money to someone.

Yes 🙌🏼

Yeah that's been stolen, post on community facebook group saying it comes back to your door in the next hpur or the police are getting called... then call the police anyway.

I assume it was all set up and connected to your Apple account - locate it using ‘find my’ and go collect it from whoever has taken it