Birthday iPad gone before the weekend’s even started. AIBU not replacing it?

[TryingToKeepTheLidOn]

Please don’t flame me.

I already know some of you will say I shouldn’t of bought him one in the first place but ive been putting money away since after Christmas because school keep going on about everything being online now and his old tablet took about half an hour just to switch on.

Hes just turned 12.

I got him an iPad for his birthday yesterday. Biggest present hes ever had. I cant really afford things like that but I did extra shifts where I could and stopped buying little bits for myself because I wanted him to have something nice for once if that makes sense.

Anyway its gone.

Before anyone says insurance yes I know. I know. I didn’t sort it yet because I only bought it this week.

He came home tonight saying older lads at the park smashed it because he wouldn’t let them have a go. I absolutely lost it because I was thinking why have you even taken it out there. Then after about an hour of me asking questions the story changed and now apparently it wasn’t smashed at all.

Now hes saying he sold it.

Or swapped it.

I still don’t actually know which because every time I ask him its different.

Something about getting cash off some older boy and trainers as well but then the trainers aren’t here so God knows.

His dad will be no help before anyone asks. Don’t ask.

I honestly feel sick because I worked so hard to get it. The school letters make it sound like every child needs one now and I thought I was doing the right thing instead of him always borrowing one off school or saying he couldn’t do homework.

Before anyone says hes obviously a bad kid hes not all bad. Hes funny when he wants to be and brilliant with his little sister. Then he does things like this and I could scream.

This isn’t even the first thing this year. We had police at mine over something else in April that wasn’t even really him in the end although he was with the boys involved and I thought we’d turned a corner after that.

Now I’m sat here thinking I’ve basically worked months for someone else to end up with an iPad.

He keeps saying sorry and crying and then five minutes later says it wasn’t his fault because everyone else was getting on at him.

I dont even know whats true anymore.

I cant replace it. There is no money. I genuinely mean there is no money.

AIBU to tell him that’s it and if school want him using one they’ll have to sort something out because I’m not buying another one?

Call the police. Block the iPad and look for it on find my iPhone

Just on the practical side of it, if you got it all set up, can you do 'find my ipad' from another apple device if its the same Apple login? If you can locate it, you can go with him and find out exactly what happened. Sounds like he was wanting to show it off and then coersed into selling it but is too embarrassed to tell you. Either way, if you purchased the item and have proof you have, I would argue that it wasn't his to sell regardless of it being a birthday present so like others have said. I would go to the police.

The point is he's a child with no need to take his ipad to the park.
He might have wanted to show it off or he could have been coerced into taking it to the park.

It odd Op hasn't returned to the thread.

I also think this above.

Obviously OP can't replace it as she has no means to do so - unless it was insured and they can get a payout if appropriate...

But you have to bear in mind that he may have had it stolen from him - possibly with threats of/actual violence - so, if that IS the case, why wouldn't he appreciate the value of what he's lost?

You would never tell people who had had their house burned down by an arsonist that they shouldn't get a new/rebuilt home - to 'teach them the value' of what a criminal took from them.

I wouldn't be replacing it and I'd make him save up to buy another one. I'd be asking if he's been taken off him as you need to report it if so. I'd also ground him for the foreseeable, personally he wouldn't be going to during the six weeks, as he shouldn't have taken it out. My eldest is turning 12 this month and she wouldn't be allowed out for the rest of the year.
I don't see the issue with you buying bim an iPad and why anyone else would have an issue with that. My youngest is 7 and he's saved up over half for one, so we're giving towards it and getting it him for his birthday

Call the police!!!

I really feel for you OP

It’s obvious he took it to the park to show off and then reaped the consequences

Hindsight now but rules should have been agreed about its usage and that it was for in the house only. I can only echo others that you should involve the police.

I agree she's not getting the full story/truth.

Well that's obvious. It's the plain fact, not a case of agreeing or disagreeing.

Sorry but iPads don’t need to be leaving the house to go to the park. That’s asking for trouble. Our kids had iPads but they were for using indoors.

In your situation I’d post on the local fb page asking if anyone’s kid has gone home with an iPad, anyone decent would realise they shouldn’t have it.

But you have no need to take your phone with you - it's just that most people find them useful and enjoyable to have with them. They're also specifically designed to be used on the move - often for people who will have a laptop/desktop at home but also want/need a portable item with a similar (albeit more limited) function.

He isn't a toddler - a 12yo in 2026 is the perfect candidate for being able to make good use of a tablet. I know a lot of adults like to infantilise younger people and have the firm belief that all tweens/teens only use phones and other tech for timewasting and negative purposes, but it's a grossly unfair and untrue assumption. People used to say the same about the internet in general, when they thought it was just a faddy new plaything.

Yes, it's a valuable object - and you do have to be security conscious - but it would easily have slipped inside a plain bag when not being used; it's not like he was pushing a shopping trolley filled with gold bullion through the park.

I know it's tough, but you need to set aside your (completely justified) anger and upset over the iPad, what it cost you in money and effort.

Your son is lying to you. He's caught up in some sketchy stuff and you need to get to the bottom of it.

I suspect it was stolen. He will not have smashed it up himself or swapped it for stupid stuff like trainers - this will have been his prize possession. Almost certainly it was stolen by someone he knows. He probably took it out because he was told he had to/threatened. And he's more scared of them than he is of you.

If he actually did sell it voluntarily, that's worse. Where's the money. What did he use it for or who did he give it to.

I'm so sorry this happened. You need to have a serious talk with him and get to the truth.

That IPad should not have left the house. Call the police and report it as stolen.

He sounds scared, I'd be worried he is being bullied and has had it stolen.
Tell him you need to call the police if someone has smashed it, and would he like to tell you the truth before you call

Just tell him if he doesn’t tell the truth you’re going to have to ring the police and get them to question him. Should put the fear of god up him

He doesn't need one, definitely don't replace it. Tablets do not make children any readier for using a computer in the workplace, if anything the opposite is true.

I think that you should go in to your local Police Station to report this today.

I'd get the police involved as well. They might be able to get out of him where it's gone as presumably it's been stolen ("swapped").

Id also not be allowing him to the park again for a long while.

All my kids do their homework on apps so he will need it in senior school 🤷 there's no paper homework any more.

Politely, I disagree. He will need something to do school work on, whether that's a desktop or iPad, because there's no paper homework anymore, it's all apps.

He wont need an ipad for school - if he has a phone, he can download homework apps on there. A basic laptop or chromebook would be better than an ipad for schoolwork anyway and a whole lot cheaper. I dont understand the argument a poster had above about the ipad being the same as a phone therefore you would take it to the park - well no its not the same is it? A phone is pocket sized and will connect to internet via mobile data - most people would only connect an ipad via home wifi so its pointless taking an ipad out. All of that is by the by anyway - sounds like the ops child is mixing with some dodgy kids and that's what needs investigating.

Forget about the device, as frustrating as that is. You’ve got bigger issues here to worry about, like why he took the device to the park and secondly what’s happening when you’re not there. No good comes from ‘hanging’ out with people who are a bad influence and not proper friends. Even at that age I knew exactly what my children were doing, exactly who they were with and they’d have a time to come back at.

My kids get a ton of paper homework/revision booklets. A basic chromebook/laptop will suffice for anything they need to log into - an ipad is not neccessary.

https://www.littlelives.org.uk/our-campaigns/our-technology-programme/

I wouldn't give up in the iPad. keep pushing to get the truth. Try to contact the parents of a child who apparently bought it to get the full story and get it returned. He doesn't get to go to the park again.

And you could get a chromebook off Backmarket for less than £100. I hate using chromebooks myself but they are fine for school. My daughter had a samsung one all through secondary and sixth form.