Birthday iPad gone before the weekend’s even started. AIBU not replacing it?

[TryingToKeepTheLidOn]

Please don’t flame me.

I already know some of you will say I shouldn’t of bought him one in the first place but ive been putting money away since after Christmas because school keep going on about everything being online now and his old tablet took about half an hour just to switch on.

Hes just turned 12.

I got him an iPad for his birthday yesterday. Biggest present hes ever had. I cant really afford things like that but I did extra shifts where I could and stopped buying little bits for myself because I wanted him to have something nice for once if that makes sense.

Anyway its gone.

Before anyone says insurance yes I know. I know. I didn’t sort it yet because I only bought it this week.

He came home tonight saying older lads at the park smashed it because he wouldn’t let them have a go. I absolutely lost it because I was thinking why have you even taken it out there. Then after about an hour of me asking questions the story changed and now apparently it wasn’t smashed at all.

Now hes saying he sold it.

Or swapped it.

I still don’t actually know which because every time I ask him its different.

Something about getting cash off some older boy and trainers as well but then the trainers aren’t here so God knows.

His dad will be no help before anyone asks. Don’t ask.

I honestly feel sick because I worked so hard to get it. The school letters make it sound like every child needs one now and I thought I was doing the right thing instead of him always borrowing one off school or saying he couldn’t do homework.

Before anyone says hes obviously a bad kid hes not all bad. Hes funny when he wants to be and brilliant with his little sister. Then he does things like this and I could scream.

This isn’t even the first thing this year. We had police at mine over something else in April that wasn’t even really him in the end although he was with the boys involved and I thought we’d turned a corner after that.

Now I’m sat here thinking I’ve basically worked months for someone else to end up with an iPad.

He keeps saying sorry and crying and then five minutes later says it wasn’t his fault because everyone else was getting on at him.

I dont even know whats true anymore.

I cant replace it. There is no money. I genuinely mean there is no money.

AIBU to tell him that’s it and if school want him using one they’ll have to sort something out because I’m not buying another one?

You need to get out of him who he’s given it to and go down the park and get it back either from the kid or the parents

Any chance he has ADHD? It’s really impulsive thing to do

I think I’d consider ringing the police- this all sounds very dodgy!

This is bizarre. It’s also a story full of lies so I’d involve the police because either there’s a thief about or he’s doing seriously odd things himself.

I was also thinking about police. It sounds like someone has pressured him into handing it over and essentially stolen it. Especially if he doesn't have the money or trainers.
Have you got any sort of tracking on it?

He's 12 years old so he should be able to tell you what happened and at the very least until then you tell him you will not be buying him any expensive items.

I don't think it was unreasonable of you to buy him a lump of tech. He needs to tell you the truth and then you need to go to the police for criminal damage or theft of your property (not his)

If you're unable to get the thing back then he needs to feel the full consequences of that. So no replacement tech. I would also suggest that he makes reparations to you. Not to the full value of the ipad, but an amount that will require him to put effort in doing odd jobs for neighbours or family like cutting their grass, pet sitting etc in exchange for a bit of money which he passes on to you.

I would suggest that you calmly tell him that he has one chance to tell you what happened, and if you later find out that he hasn't told you the full truth this time then it'll be much worse for him.

I do sympathise, but I'd focus on the lying. Obviously don't replace the device but focus on giving him one chance to repair the relationship with you. Explain that it doesn't matter what he said before, he has one chance to rebuild some trust with you. If you're not happy with his response then tell him that, and that you'll have to think about what to do next.

Can you do a find my iPad thing and at least try to track it down? You can block tech these days if you have the imei number so it would be like a brick to them?

He needs your help. He's a young boy. Yes, I know that 10 is the age of criminal responsibility but genuinely, no matter how grown up he seems, he's not. He needs you to show him that when the chips are down he can turn to you.

He sounds scared and in over his head. I genuinely can't comprehend the thought of any of my children taking an expensive item to a park, then coming back without it, telling me they smashed it, someone else smashed it, no they sold it, didn't sell it, exchanged it for non-existent trainers.... It's crazy stuff. Crazy stories cover worse ones, IMO.

Be mad at him, of course, but save that for later, once you've sorted him out.

Id be telling him that the I'm contacting the police because it so sounds like hes either being bullied and someone's taken it off him or if it has been smashed by older boys and he changed his story because of your reaction.. he might be more likely to come clean if he knows the police will be involved.

Its either theft or destruction of property. Hope you get to the bottom of it and if you do get it back hopefully he'll know that ot does not leave the house.

The imei number is also on the box.

You should like you're looking for justification..... Like you're wavering and you might at some point buy him another one.
School will support his education whatever....
He's fucked up and you need to understand how and why. That's bigger than the iPad and about your relationship and trust going forward. Only you will know the best way to get him to br honest. Does he understand the sacrifices?

it sounds like he’s been pressured into handing it over to someone else. He sounds quite Immature and impulsive - does he have any additional needs?

If school want them to have iPads specifically then that’s something that they need to arrange. Most schools who do that have a scheme that you can pay in instalments and the iPad is used in school for lessons. If he needs to get online at home, he doesn’t need an iPad he needs a cheap laptop that stays at home where you know where it is.

Any chance your household contents insurance might cover the loss/theft?

He’s a child. And has made a huge mistake - encourage him to tell you what’s happened.

The box has the imei number or you trace via find my iPhone and send a message to it and block it, saying to hand it back/been traced and def call the police.

I think he sounds scared too.
I think id give him the chance to tell you then contact the police.
You'll need a crime reference number for insurance. Fingers crossed it gets covered under house insurance

He may or may not be a bad kid, but he is clearly making bad choices and doing stupid things. Tell him exactly what it cost you to get him that iPad - hours worked, sacrifices made. Tell him why you did it, to give him a better chance at school to make a better life for himself in the future.

Then ask him what he would do in your shoes.

Tell him you still love him, so there won’t be punishment, but there can’t be a replacement.

I agree about police involvement especially as you have the iPad box. Something very wrong is going on up at that park, and it’s a child safeguarding issue as well as one of criminal activity.

I’d also ask to speak to his class teacher or Head of Year at school about this, and ask for specific and wider guidance. Does the school have a named police liaison?

This is a valuable piece of kit you need to get back.

If it has been stolen could it be covered on your home insurance?

Oh no that’s awful. I would be struggling to stay calm.

Call the cops. It's theft, your new iPad is gone and you can't get the story out of your 12 year old who also isn't old enough to sell stuff.

The mistake he made was taking an expensive bit of tech to the park. Presumably he wanted to show it off and he didn’t consider any possible negatives. When you talk to him about it that’s what I would concentrate on as it’s much clearer than trying to get to the bottom of who did what. Yes he should tell you clearly what happened and there should be consequences for not telling you the full story. But the issue is he put himself in a vulnerable position by taking it out of the house and to the park. That’s the learning point he needs to focus on first.

He’s just turned 12. And 3 months ago you had police involvement. You need to get to the bottom of who he is hanging out with.

What a disaster. You need to report it to the police and no, he doesn’t get another one.

You do however need to get to the bottom of whatever is going on with him. A 12 year old with police involvement already isn’t remotely normal.

Absolutely this. It’s very odd.