Birthday iPad gone before the weekend’s even started. AIBU not replacing it?

[TryingToKeepTheLidOn]

Please don’t flame me.

I already know some of you will say I shouldn’t of bought him one in the first place but ive been putting money away since after Christmas because school keep going on about everything being online now and his old tablet took about half an hour just to switch on.

Hes just turned 12.

I got him an iPad for his birthday yesterday. Biggest present hes ever had. I cant really afford things like that but I did extra shifts where I could and stopped buying little bits for myself because I wanted him to have something nice for once if that makes sense.

Anyway its gone.

Before anyone says insurance yes I know. I know. I didn’t sort it yet because I only bought it this week.

He came home tonight saying older lads at the park smashed it because he wouldn’t let them have a go. I absolutely lost it because I was thinking why have you even taken it out there. Then after about an hour of me asking questions the story changed and now apparently it wasn’t smashed at all.

Now hes saying he sold it.

Or swapped it.

I still don’t actually know which because every time I ask him its different.

Something about getting cash off some older boy and trainers as well but then the trainers aren’t here so God knows.

His dad will be no help before anyone asks. Don’t ask.

I honestly feel sick because I worked so hard to get it. The school letters make it sound like every child needs one now and I thought I was doing the right thing instead of him always borrowing one off school or saying he couldn’t do homework.

Before anyone says hes obviously a bad kid hes not all bad. Hes funny when he wants to be and brilliant with his little sister. Then he does things like this and I could scream.

This isn’t even the first thing this year. We had police at mine over something else in April that wasn’t even really him in the end although he was with the boys involved and I thought we’d turned a corner after that.

Now I’m sat here thinking I’ve basically worked months for someone else to end up with an iPad.

He keeps saying sorry and crying and then five minutes later says it wasn’t his fault because everyone else was getting on at him.

I dont even know whats true anymore.

I cant replace it. There is no money. I genuinely mean there is no money.

AIBU to tell him that’s it and if school want him using one they’ll have to sort something out because I’m not buying another one?

He's 12. He's either given it away, or bigger kids have pressured him into giving it away, or it's been forcible taken from him. That is a police matter.

Or he's got such a bad memory that he goes down the park, puts the Ipad down, to do something else and forgets that he has it with him. That is a medical matter, because a 12 year old excited about having a new piece of tech wouldn't forget they had it unless they had serious memory issues.

There's no money to buy another one so thats the end of that. Tbh id feel concerned about what's happening and not cross. Something is not going right in his friendship group. Id try and be there for him.

This!!!! The IMEI number will be on the packaging. If you decide to go to the police give them this. Maybe go into an Apple Store and ask how it can be disabled remotely

County lines?

I think he was forced to hand it over and he’s scared.

I know a few mothers who use the phrase “he isn’t a bad boy” and I’m sorry to say that in each case, he definitely isn’t a good boy.

If you’ve had police at your door before the age of 12 then you’ve got bigger problems than a lost iPad. Please use this as the catalyst to make serious changes to his behaviour and who he’s friends with.

If it has been stolen could it be covered on your home insurance?

OP would probably need a crime reference number from the police to make a claim.

This.

And he’s clearly not old enough to be going out alone if this is what happens.

yeah - sorry OP but you can't let him go out unsupervised to the park, for his own good and certainly not take devices out of the house.

It was very unreasonable to give a 12yo an expensive device without insuring it first.

As for the rest, and whether it should be replaced, impossible to say until you get the the bottom of really happened to it. Sounds like it's a moot point though, as you won't be able to replace it for awhile?

You must be feeling sick and angry having saved so hard, but I think you probably have to bury those feelings and support him here as something weird is going on.

It sounds like something untoward has happened, for sure. Though he was extremely foolish to take an ipad to the park. Any chance he's swapped it for vapes, drugs or something like that?

You did an incredible thing for him, saving up for the ipad. The fact that it's been wasted doesn't diminish how incredible your intentions were.

Definitely needs to be a police matter - but tell him this and that he either needs to tell you what really happened or otherwise be questioned by the police, so that they can get to the bottom of it.. and he will almost certainly prefer the former.

The least bad eventuality is that he's sold it to buy/spend money on something frivolous, so he's 'just' betrayed your kindness and sacrifice. Of course, he may well not even have got anywhere near its true value - but then does he respect its true value and all the work you had to do to buy it, as to him, it was free.

Other than that, he's either lost/broken it himself, given (probably under pressure/threats) it to a bully or - worst of all - he's sold it to buy drugs/alcohol, or he already has a drug debt and he saw no real alternative but to 'pay his debt' with his iPad.

Whatever did happen - unless he genuinely did lose or break it - it's a police matter. If he did break it, why doesn't he have a broken one to show you? It may indeed have broken so badly that it no longer works, but it hasn't disappeared and turned invisible. I'd find it very difficult indeed to believe that he let something as obviously valuable and highly-prized out of his sight so that he just actually lost it or forgot where he left it.

The police investigations might not be pleasant at all for him initially, and could bring both him and you a lot of pain; but in the long term, it might be just what he needs to help stop 'making some very bad choices' turning into 'in and out of prison and well-known to the police and courts' when he's a little older.

What apps do they use or is it websites?
Because weve managed to y9 with only £100 10' kindle fires.
So no need for ipads.

He needs to earn to replace is as at 12 he would know you dont take an ipad to the park

I agree with PP that you say "You have one chance to tell me the full truth, because as things stand I am calling the police".

That didn’t take long did it?! -smh-

Ahh OP, how horrific for you and your DS. You must report this to the police no matter what DS says. You can't just write it off. As other posters have said you have the information on the box so take their advice. Good luck, I hope it gets resolved soon. Keep us posted.

He nees to tell the truth incase he was bullied manipulated or sold it for something else.
Ive only bought refurbished tech for my child and will contuine to do so until thry can buy there own.
I did have asibling who sold, pawned off stuff to friends for all sorts of reasons...he needs to fess up westher hes a good kid or not they go thru alot now days.

I agree, it’s been stolen from him.

OP's son sounds very immature or ND in some way.
I agree she's not getting the full story/truth.

Tell him he tells you the absolute truth or you go to the police. He’s not being honest, anything could have happened. You must be absolutely livid.

This kid sounds scared - I would be telling him he is not in trouble and you won't be angry with him you just want to know the truth.

Why are you allowing him out without adult supervision? He doesn’t sound mature enough, he’s already involved with children that bring the police to your door.

Your home insurance may cover it. Some cover devices up to a certain value without being listed.

The bigger issue is police being at the door for such a young child. He shouldn't be allowed out unsupervised if you don't know who he is associating with. You can facilitate friends visiting at your house or your son visiting his friend's homes if you talk to their parents.

Your son isn't a bad kid, no child is, they're just a product of their circumstances, but you need to get ahead of this. Ask for help if you need to before it gets past the point of no return. Don't minimise, excuse, ignore or become defensive. Try to be objective. You might not get a second chance.

Your child told you he was a victim of theft / assault and your first response was to blame him? Really? Even if taking it to the park wasn't a good decision, it's not okay to respond like this to someone who's been a victim of an awful experience, much less a child.