Birthday iPad gone before the weekend’s even started. AIBU not replacing it?

[TryingToKeepTheLidOn]

Please don’t flame me.

I already know some of you will say I shouldn’t of bought him one in the first place but ive been putting money away since after Christmas because school keep going on about everything being online now and his old tablet took about half an hour just to switch on.

Hes just turned 12.

I got him an iPad for his birthday yesterday. Biggest present hes ever had. I cant really afford things like that but I did extra shifts where I could and stopped buying little bits for myself because I wanted him to have something nice for once if that makes sense.

Anyway its gone.

Before anyone says insurance yes I know. I know. I didn’t sort it yet because I only bought it this week.

He came home tonight saying older lads at the park smashed it because he wouldn’t let them have a go. I absolutely lost it because I was thinking why have you even taken it out there. Then after about an hour of me asking questions the story changed and now apparently it wasn’t smashed at all.

Now hes saying he sold it.

Or swapped it.

I still don’t actually know which because every time I ask him its different.

Something about getting cash off some older boy and trainers as well but then the trainers aren’t here so God knows.

His dad will be no help before anyone asks. Don’t ask.

I honestly feel sick because I worked so hard to get it. The school letters make it sound like every child needs one now and I thought I was doing the right thing instead of him always borrowing one off school or saying he couldn’t do homework.

Before anyone says hes obviously a bad kid hes not all bad. Hes funny when he wants to be and brilliant with his little sister. Then he does things like this and I could scream.

This isn’t even the first thing this year. We had police at mine over something else in April that wasn’t even really him in the end although he was with the boys involved and I thought we’d turned a corner after that.

Now I’m sat here thinking I’ve basically worked months for someone else to end up with an iPad.

He keeps saying sorry and crying and then five minutes later says it wasn’t his fault because everyone else was getting on at him.

I dont even know whats true anymore.

I cant replace it. There is no money. I genuinely mean there is no money.

AIBU to tell him that’s it and if school want him using one they’ll have to sort something out because I’m not buying another one?

Agreed

Do not be angry at him.

He would not have smashed, sold or given away his much wanted iPad.

It’s concerning that you can’t seem to recognise this and your entire thread is about ‘poor you’.

You need to contact the police to show him how serious this is and let them know they’re on his side.
They will hopefully bring in some sort of social worker to get to the bottom of what’s happening.

The best scenario was that he was robbed/bullied but this could very easily be a much worse scenario.

A missing ipad isnt your problem...

I think you need to talk to him. 12 is really old enough to have seen how hard you work. and understand how expensive this was. Hes either impulsive (may or may not be linked to ADHD) reckless or entitled. And whatever it is it needs addressing before it is a bad thing.

It didnt occur to him to treat his gift as precious. It still doesnt occur to him to be honest with you. And hes had the police to your door at 12. Im not saying hes a bad kid but dismissing these behaviours as "not a bad kid" and "the boys he was with" is dangerous. He was with them for a criminal activity. He didnt leave and come home, and in USA they pursue "joint enterprise" because theres a view some crime only happens because as a group (particularly young people) egg each other on. He might have gotten outta hot water this time but what about next time becauae hes still playing with kids who will buy Barter or steal his (your) ipad.

You arent doing him any favours by reaffirming things arent his fault, it just happened, it was someone else.

I wouldnt buy him another and id explain to him its not a punishment but that it was a gift you worked weeks to afford and dont have the money to replace.

I would try and get him to tell you the truth under the banner of if you tell me who has it I will try and get it back. Then you could speak to the parents. But tbh if I was lucky enough to get it back hed be earning back the privilege of playing with it.

And id have regular convos about having choices and having to bear the consequences of those choices

Well it sound slike if you get him another one that will be gone in a week as well, so I definitely worried.

You need to sit down and get the truth out of him. If a 'mate' has taken it, you need to go round and get it back. If it was someone else, you need to ring the police.

How is he going out to the park without you knowing where he is, who he is seeing, what he is taking?

that sounds like a problem to me, you don’t know what is going on in his life or who he is hanging out with.

someone may have stolen it from him or coerced him into handing it over. Maybe he is into some bad stuff. The point is, you should have more oversight of what is going on when he leaves the house.

He is 12!

I will only be allowing my kids to hang out at my house or their friends houses for this very reason!!

Don't replace it.

Going without the ipad will teach your DS the value of the it.

Agree With others. He needs help and you need the police. He is clearly hanging around with bad kids. This needs stopping now.

Am really sorry this happened I hope you get to the bottom of it and somehow get it back ?

I’m sorry but why haven’t you contacted the police?

Sit down with him. Get the proper story out of him. Tell him you’re going to the police about this so it’s very important he puts the true story out there. Sounds like maybe bullies took it and he’s frightened of telling you. I’m sure he would not knowingly just hand it over to someone, especially when you say there is no sign of a ‘swap’ taking place. Once he tells you, if it is him handing over to someone through coercion, then definitely a police matter.

OP, how upsetting.
Please go to the police.
Tell the school the truth.

I would be so disappointed in him.

Looks like the OP has disappeared as quickly as the iPad.

I had thesamething when my son was young. He had new roller blades but swapped them for some crap so i went to the parents home and swappedthem back. You did a loving thing for him and whatever the outcome he will remember your love

It sounds like he needs guidance more than another expensive device right now. Schools understand that not every family can replace costly items. Stand your ground and seek support. https://webditto.com/ offers practical lifestyle resources as well.

All of this.

"Swapping" for some rubbish actually sounds like theft. Therefore I would just contact the police.

I don't understand why children are given ipads - is it a brand name snobby thing like with clothes and trainers? Android tablets are a fraction of the cost.

Id be calling the police this sounds so dodgy

It's giving me county lines vibes

Try your home contents insurance, claim it and sell the replacement and dont give him it. Treat yourself.

if he ever needs one again get second hand. Well done for all that hard work!

keep your chin up Mama.. xx💜

I don't understand the people who are amazed at why anybody would take an iPad to the park. An iPad is essentially just a slightly bigger phone, and everybody carries their (often very expensive) phones around with them everywhere they go.

In fact, your average phone is dearer than your average tablet, as the latter don't have as many fancy features.

I feel so sorry for you, what a nightmare. The loss of the iPad you worked so hard for is bad enough but the lying on top is heartbreaking.

i would be inclined to tell him that if you can’t get the truth from him you’re going to the park to find these lads and find out what happened. That might encourage honesty.

good luck

I wouldn’t be letting him go to the park unsupervised in these circumstances. I don’t think it’s normal for a child that age to have had police involved in an incident and then to have their iPads stolen/taken/damaged. It would be a natural consequence to curtail some freedoms until he is able to act responsibly- that’s not even a punishment it’s safeguarding.

Hi OP,

I'm so sorry this has happened to you and you sound like a brilliant mum.

I second everyone else on here - call the police NOW. Don't waste any more time. If you do that there s a slight chance you might get it back. And whichever toerag did steel it, his parents ought to fork out for a new one.

Chin up, if nothing else it will be a huge learning experience for the lad, it'll learn him not to be so stupid in the future 💐

Oh OP, I had a very similar incident many years ago with my ex partner's oldest son. He was younger though, probably 10. We'd bought him a Gameboy as a present for his birthday, he had it for a few days, and unbeknown to me and his Dad he took it out to the local park. He sold it to a couple of boys for £2. Unfortunately, the children he sold it too, came from a family that were known to the police and although I asked for it back, the Dad denied his son had it.

My ex's son's story changed several times, and in the end we had no idea what really happened. All we knew was that we couldn't prove these children had the device. I absolutely know they did, but by the time we realised, I doubt the parents kept it in the house, it was probably sold.

I have no advice OP. We couldn't afford to replace the Gameboy, and my ex's son, learnt a lesson. By all means, if you know who took the item, try asking for it back, but don't be surprised if you don't get anywhere. You could log it with the police, but if they'll do anything I don't know. I wouldn't buy a replacement either, your son isn't responsible enough.

I think this is a bit unfair. The power of branding is enormous and the raison d'etre of the global big brand-name companies is to continually seek to convince people that only theirs is any good and that the cheaper alternatives are rubbish.

Also, like with every make of vacuum cleaner being referred to as a 'hoover', the word 'iPad' tends to be used generically for any tablet (the same with iPhone for any smartphone). To look at car adverts, you could be forgiven for thinking that you'll only be able to travel along these wonderful scenic roads if you buy that brand new Lexus that they're trying to sell to you - when a 15yo battered Fiesta with 100K on the clock would enable you to do the exact same.

You can easily see, with the pressure of advertising and product placement, where people might not appreciate that "Schoolchildren really need an iPad" might just be lazy-speak for "A tablet would be a benefit to them - but any basic tablet will be just fine".