Birthday iPad gone before the weekend’s even started. AIBU not replacing it?

[TryingToKeepTheLidOn]

Please don’t flame me.

I already know some of you will say I shouldn’t of bought him one in the first place but ive been putting money away since after Christmas because school keep going on about everything being online now and his old tablet took about half an hour just to switch on.

Hes just turned 12.

I got him an iPad for his birthday yesterday. Biggest present hes ever had. I cant really afford things like that but I did extra shifts where I could and stopped buying little bits for myself because I wanted him to have something nice for once if that makes sense.

Anyway its gone.

Before anyone says insurance yes I know. I know. I didn’t sort it yet because I only bought it this week.

He came home tonight saying older lads at the park smashed it because he wouldn’t let them have a go. I absolutely lost it because I was thinking why have you even taken it out there. Then after about an hour of me asking questions the story changed and now apparently it wasn’t smashed at all.

Now hes saying he sold it.

Or swapped it.

I still don’t actually know which because every time I ask him its different.

Something about getting cash off some older boy and trainers as well but then the trainers aren’t here so God knows.

His dad will be no help before anyone asks. Don’t ask.

I honestly feel sick because I worked so hard to get it. The school letters make it sound like every child needs one now and I thought I was doing the right thing instead of him always borrowing one off school or saying he couldn’t do homework.

Before anyone says hes obviously a bad kid hes not all bad. Hes funny when he wants to be and brilliant with his little sister. Then he does things like this and I could scream.

This isn’t even the first thing this year. We had police at mine over something else in April that wasn’t even really him in the end although he was with the boys involved and I thought we’d turned a corner after that.

Now I’m sat here thinking I’ve basically worked months for someone else to end up with an iPad.

He keeps saying sorry and crying and then five minutes later says it wasn’t his fault because everyone else was getting on at him.

I dont even know whats true anymore.

I cant replace it. There is no money. I genuinely mean there is no money.

AIBU to tell him that’s it and if school want him using one they’ll have to sort something out because I’m not buying another one?

Sorry this happened. And in a world where idiot parents are buying toddlers tablets, getting him his first iPad age 12 is fine. I feel so sorry for you losing all that money.

Expensive lessons learned for both of you. You need to get to the bottom of this to make sure he’s safe. I don’t know what sort of school implies he needs an iPad either!

Sounds like he is being controlled by someone to me, who has forced him to hand over the iPad.

I think you need to report it to the police if you can't get him to tell you what happened. Though I am always wary of suggesting this for fear of reprisals and makinrba bad situation worse.

But if won't tell you, what else can you do? It sounds like he is in danger currently.

If the work school set requires use of a laptop, they should lend him one? Is he entitled to FSM? If so that usually means there is tech support available to families who need it. Don't be ashamed - you work hard for your family, that much is clear.

I don't think you can, as a PP suggested, make him refund you for a gift you bought him! That doesn't really make sense.

This.
Do you seriously think he wanted this outcome?
No you can't replace it, and you shouldn't try to but you are putting your anger and frustration above his wellbeing.

This sounds dodgy. Either bullying or gangs.

Bullying: My sibling used to steal anything vaguely valuable to appease the people bullying them. Anything. Jewellery. Tech. Mindset was "if I give you a gift you won't hit me".

Gang stuff - look up debt bondage. These turds create a situation where a vulnerable person "owes" them. He could have given it away to try and stay out of trouble. It won't work.

Either way, right now, in this situation he is more victim than idiot and he needs you.

Another vote for the police

Calmly ask where the lap top is right now and with whom.

Visit the local Police or the ones whom your son already knows. Report the problem and ask for them to have it returned.

If you are successful, allow DS12 allocated time in a living room in your home where he can use the lap top fully supervised. Install safe child locks and allow no more than one hour per day after he has finished his homework.

You keep control and ownership of the laptop.

Your son is vulnerable and easily led. He needs more parental supervision and boundaries. He has problems with telling the truth and following rules.

I would think some bigger lads have taken it off him.

Another vote for the police. From which you’ll get a crime ref number, and when you say you hadn’t sorted insurance, do you have contents home insurance? Although it’s an expensive item, it likely comes under their threshold of single items, so could be an angle.

Bullying
Exploitation (criminal ? Debt bondage)
Theft
Get the iPad locked if you can/tracked if you can, surely it was set up so it can be tracked?
I would be talking to DS again and explaining you are getting Police involved, and then I would call Police/log a crime and explain your concerns

Household insurance should cover it but it's probably not worth claiming. I assume it's a cheaper model at about £400 or so and an excess might be £100, and premiums will go up.

I don't understand why you haven't done 'find my iPad' and seen where it is??

You “losing it” didn’t make his feel safe to tell you. I understand your frustration but you should not be thinking of replacing it.
Hopefully you will both be able to have a reassuring conversation where he feels safe and he’ll tell you the truth.

This.

You obviously need to find out what has had actually happened.
The fact that he keeps flip flopping on different stories is highly concerning. At worst he's been robbed, at best he's made a really stupid decision.
Discovering what has happened informs your next steps...... Police, talking to the other boys parents......

Whatever happens, he must get consequences. I do wonder if he has ADHD or something around reckless decision making

why is he going to the park with a brand new iPad? especially given the background of police involvement.

see if you can locate it on find my iPad etc

consider a refurbished unit next time

Why did he have it out in a field? Also didn’t you have find my set up? If not there’s pretty much nothing the police can do as there’s no way to track it but you can report it nevertheless. It’s obvious someone nicked it.

The bigger issue here is the crowd he seems to have fallen into, imo. That needs addressing asap.

Track it on find my iPad

He tells you where it is or you call the police. One chance to be honest. Then you go get it back or you call the police.

Police.
You need to get to the bottom of this, it reads like he’s being controlled by someone. And that’s potentially a lot more serious than a lost iPad

Another one to say call the police

I'm not clear why you went for the most expensive option when you clearly can't afford it.

A cheap laptop or android tablet would do what he needs.

You need to use the IMEI number off the box to track it and then go to the police. And if you do get it back, sell it and make sure he doesn't have anything that expensive and attractive to thieves again.

And stop letting him out unsupervised if he can’t be trusted.

Police for the iPad.

Stop him hanging out at the park. It isn’t safe there.

• Don’t replace it. If there’s no money, there’s no money. That’s a natural consequence, and the school can help if he needs a device for homework.
• Speak to the school on Monday. Explain what’s happened and ask for support. If the older boys go to the same school, they need to know as it could be a safeguarding issue.
• Report it to the police on 101. If he was threatened, pressured or intimidated into handing over the iPad, it may not simply be a case of him “selling” it. Give the police as much information as you can about the boys involved.
• Get the full story when things have calmed down. Let him know that whatever happened, you need the truth so you can help him.
• Keep him away from those boys. Whether he made a poor decision or was pressured into it, they’re clearly not a good influence.
• Don’t blame yourself. You worked hard to buy him something for school and his birthday. This isn’t a reflection of your parenting. The priority now is finding out what happened and making sure he’s safe.

I think I’d go with the first story. Then you reacted because he took it to the park and he changed the story? It sounds like he is being bullied by other kids? That would be my first concern.