Birthday iPad gone before the weekend’s even started. AIBU not replacing it?

[TryingToKeepTheLidOn]

Please don’t flame me.

I already know some of you will say I shouldn’t of bought him one in the first place but ive been putting money away since after Christmas because school keep going on about everything being online now and his old tablet took about half an hour just to switch on.

Hes just turned 12.

I got him an iPad for his birthday yesterday. Biggest present hes ever had. I cant really afford things like that but I did extra shifts where I could and stopped buying little bits for myself because I wanted him to have something nice for once if that makes sense.

Anyway its gone.

Before anyone says insurance yes I know. I know. I didn’t sort it yet because I only bought it this week.

He came home tonight saying older lads at the park smashed it because he wouldn’t let them have a go. I absolutely lost it because I was thinking why have you even taken it out there. Then after about an hour of me asking questions the story changed and now apparently it wasn’t smashed at all.

Now hes saying he sold it.

Or swapped it.

I still don’t actually know which because every time I ask him its different.

Something about getting cash off some older boy and trainers as well but then the trainers aren’t here so God knows.

His dad will be no help before anyone asks. Don’t ask.

I honestly feel sick because I worked so hard to get it. The school letters make it sound like every child needs one now and I thought I was doing the right thing instead of him always borrowing one off school or saying he couldn’t do homework.

Before anyone says hes obviously a bad kid hes not all bad. Hes funny when he wants to be and brilliant with his little sister. Then he does things like this and I could scream.

This isn’t even the first thing this year. We had police at mine over something else in April that wasn’t even really him in the end although he was with the boys involved and I thought we’d turned a corner after that.

Now I’m sat here thinking I’ve basically worked months for someone else to end up with an iPad.

He keeps saying sorry and crying and then five minutes later says it wasn’t his fault because everyone else was getting on at him.

I dont even know whats true anymore.

I cant replace it. There is no money. I genuinely mean there is no money.

AIBU to tell him that’s it and if school want him using one they’ll have to sort something out because I’m not buying another one?

Don’t think any of our tech is listed separately on our insurance. Not above a certain amount

If I were you I would be worried that he is in trouble and owes money to some kids or not kids and they’ve taken the iPad in lieu of payment. And if he owes more and what he is involved in.
you are also way too relaxed about police visit, even if he didn’t do anything (this time), that’s the crowd he’s with and next time police will come for him

And OBVIOUSLY YANBU not to replace it.
even if you could afford it you shouldn’t replace it’. He can’t even tell you what happened with it!

DS age 14 has always done his homework on a not that expensive Samsung ( android) phone.

At 12 years old he should be able to tell you the truth. I’d 100% involve the police.

Involve the police to try and get to the bottom of what went on.

Can I just suggest that you spend time with your child instead of doing loads of overtime and buying expensive tech?? You need to be more present - especially given the previous police involvement. Expensive gifts don’t replace attention.

He’s scared and in something which is beyond him. Perhaps he told people he had an iPad for his birthday and they made him take it to the park to steal it - could he have been threatened? It would sound like it to me.

I wouldn’t be angry, I’d be extremely worried as he is meeting people that have badly influenced him and maybe are bullying him. I would give him 1 chance to tell you the truth, I’d also go to the police. I would be worried about what happens to him next, country lines and further bullying.

Oh for fuck's sake. 🤦‍♀️
OP hasn't done anything wrong.
There's zero indication "she needs to be more present." 🙄

Don’t even need to go in store @TryingToKeepTheLidOn - log into the Apple ID on your web browser and check find my iPhone. Then lock it yourself.

after that get onto Apple through there and give them the details, they’ll make sure it is completely blocked

Patronising shite.

What on earth makes you equate doing overtime with not paying proper attention to your child?

Is the lying out of character for him? It's possible he has been threatened or bullied and doesn't know how to handle it, but if it's a pattern it's become serious and he does need consequences. Does he still have the old tablet or can you get it back? If it's slow but functional it's reasonable to tell him he must use it, or borrow one from school, until you've seen what can be done if anything to get the iPad back. If that means it takes him twice as long to do his prep, that's how it is for now; he cannot keep saying he "can't" do homework after this. But yes, I'd tell him that this was a huge amount of effort and work and money and there simply is no more to buy another one; he needs to understand the seriousness of what has happened.

For you- this must be so upsetting and frustrating. I’d tell him you’ll need to ask the police to review the cctv at the park to get to the bottom of it.

Tiresome and condescending.

You need to get the truth out of him. DD was the victim of a distraction theft at college and our house insurance covered it so might be worth looking into. I know we had to have a crime number so you will need to contact the police.
If he gets a replacement I wouldn't let him leave the house with it. They're so easily smashed.

I’d tell him it’s your fault for taking it out of the house to the park, you made a choice and it wasn’t a good one. I know you’re not telling the truth and we are going to go down to the police station and you will tell them what happened. I haven’t the money to buy a new one so your actions mean you don’t have an iPad now. I worked so hard to buy that for you, and I’m very disappointed.

I except whoever took it made threats of what would happen if he told. Hence the false stories.

I'd be more concerned about your son than the ipad.
I hope i am off the mark but the first thing I think of reading this is County Lines.
It could be something else but there are some clear markers for it so you need to consider it

To be frank i'd be very concerned about your son in general.
Whether it was him specifically or not he is 12 and in contact with the police. Thats not normal and you need to hear that.

He needs to come home after school and shouldn't be hanging around in parks with scrotes.

On the ipad:
My first port of call would be the police to be completely honest.

Imei number and presumably you set it up so you should also have "find my"

This. It sounds like he’s mixing with older kids who are leading him astray OP. As his parent you need to protect him from this. If he’s has police involvement already then that should have been your wakeup call.

This. Do you haveca community constable or youth aid officer who could have a conversation with him. They are trained at this and he wont be able to lie to them. This behaviour needs to stop as it is only going to get worse with age and he could end up in real trouble even for something he didn't do. He sounds easily led and manipulated. Good luck and you sound like a very caring mum to work so hard for your son.

Can you not claim on home insurance? I would def be calling police and telling him you need a crime number if only to get the truth out of him! And if he does get another one a strict rule about it not leaving the house!

@TryingToKeepTheLidOn So he doesn't have money or trainers to show you which means that some kid(s) stole his ipad and probably threatened him if he were to tell you. Poor kid. He's scared of someone and he feels guilty and ashamed. Comfort him and tell him you understand what has happened and that he needs to tell you who took it. I think he might be bullied on a regular basis for this to have happened so please look into that.

Yes, sounds like some bullying involved and he has become scared of repercussions. Scared children quite often retract statements, especially common in sa cases, but really any situation where they get overwhelmed.

Wonder if he told someone online about his new birthday present and was coerced into taking it to the park. Anyway of checking messages?

This sounds very dodgy and like it’s been stolen. You should involve the police

definitely try get it blocked and search for its location.

You need to call the police.