AIBU to think my partner could have been a bit more understanding on holiday?

[georgiexox]

We've just got back from a city break and I've been upset since we got back.

I've put on quite a lot of weight over the last few years. I know I have, and I'm trying to lose it, but it's not easy. My partner is naturally slim and loves walking.

We booked a holiday staying in the centre with the intention that most stuff was within walking distance. I genuinely thought I'd cope, but I completely underestimated it. By the second day my feet and back were aching, I was exhausted and finding the hills really difficult.

I kept going because I didn't want to spoil the holiday, but on the third day I asked if we could get taxis for some of the longer walks. My partner looked disappointed and said we'd chosen this type of holiday so we could explore on foot, and we'd miss loads if we started getting taxis everywhere.

He wasn't nasty about it I guess, but was clearly disappointed/frustrated. I ended up sitting in a café on my own for a while in the afternoon while he carried on sightseeing because I just couldn't manage any more walking.

He told me he thought we'd be doing it all together and was disappointed things hadn't worked out that way. I do totally understand that and I felt guilty because I obviously know my weight was the reason.

At the same time, I couldn't help wishing he'd just said, "Don't worry, let's get a taxi," instead of making me feel like I'd spoiled the trip. He says I knew what sort of holiday we'd booked and never said I was worried beforehand, which is true.

AIBU for thinking he could have been a bit more understanding, or is this entirely on me?

@PenelopePinkerton , he did not take into consideration that she was struggling to keep up with him, sulked, and made a jibe at her cakes.

Either way sadly your weight is the only thing you directly can change here. I’d have been upset too if I were you, but also if I was him!
She can change who she goes on holiday with

I don't see the issue here. He was probably genuinely shocked at your fitness and was disappointed. He shouldn't have made comment abut the pastel de natal, which I agree are lovely! But overall, it's learning for both of you for future holidays.

he should have been more understanding but i wonder which city you went to.
i love walking and believe it is the best way to see any city, or anywhere so I sympathise with him but still on a holiday in new place he should be more understanding.

Lisbon.

Can you please quote where I have even remotely no matter how vaguely that I think this @DancingNotDrowning

you won’t be able to because ALL I said was my life isn’t miserable because I don’t eat cake!!! And I don’t think anyone’s life is miserable on account of them eating cake!! 😆

My life would be miserable eating custard tarts. I don't even want to be within an arm's length of them.

Brace yourself. Some will read this and think you are sneering at overweight people and / or people who enjoy custard tarts!

I’ve read a fair bit of this now .
I am 5’2” and weigh about 8 and a half stone so in no way am I overweight.
I walk my dog every day and in good weather we are out for an hour or so .
I also look after a large home by myself with no help at all and have caring responsibilities too .
However , I’d struggle with this too , the heat and the hills I’d be done for ( admittedly I’m in my 60s and have allergic asthma) so don’t you feel bad about not managing in the heat !
plus he’s like almost a foot taller than you so will likely have long legs and can stride out , with you taking 2 steps on average to his one step .
Think about booking another break away somewhere/ sometime when it’s cooler and prepare by building up your step count xxx
oh and for what it’s worth I LOVE a natas with a nice strong coffee

I'm not sneering at people who eat custard tarts. I don't eat them because I don't like pastry, I don't like vanilla in cakes, and I can't stand the texture of egg custard.

People may be fat for a number of reasons. I don't sneer at them. I might if they were the ones who eat crap all day long and wail 'It's not fair, you eat loads and don't put weight on'.

I think OP was going by her boyfriend's step count not hers.

You are in your 60s and have asthma

The op is 28 and doesn’t have asthma

I love pasteis de nata but they are very very calorific. Definitely only one.

Pastels? Do you mean, 'pasties' or 'pastries'?

Your post at 10:11 🙄

pastéis de nata in Portuguese
cream pastries this translates to.

Observing the likely response of posters if the sexes was reversed means that I despise overweight and sneer at them?

Yes but they're custard tarts.

150 to 200 calories per, not that bad actually. Plus a bit of protein from the egg.

I doubt op had the one.

OP, I don’t care how unfit or overweight you are, or how slim and fit your DP is.

If I were to agree to a trip on foot believing I could do it, then ended up exhausted and in pain because I’d overestimated my ability, there’s no way my DP would huff and guilt trip me over it - especially if there was an alternative such as a taxi. I’d expect him to take a taxi with me, or to walk to the destination and meet me there if I wanted to take a cab - and that’s exactly what he would do, because he wouldn’t enjoy the walk if he knew I was suffering just to keep him happy.

How is he generally in terms of consideration/compassion?

Walking all day long in the heat, esp. in hilly Lisbon would be pretty tough for a lot of folks - and looking at your daily step count I don't think you did badly at all.

My DH used to be a 'walk all day' kinda guy and I struggled to keep up and also never liked the 'fall into bed absolutely knackered' vibe he enjoyed on a trip, we landed up compromising, we'd do 'some' walking and when I'd had enough and he still wanted more then we'd do our own thing, I don't suffer from fomo luckily so he could crack on and I'd head back to the pool / cafe / beach etc.

If you partner is disappointed then tough luck, he doesn't get to dictate your thresholds, each to their own and look for a compromise.

Rude. And unnecessary.
Hope you're really proud of yourself for that bitchy comment.

Even if she does she is 5'2" and a woman to his male 6'1", so she will never have the stamina he has, which is why teenage boy footballers can beat the women's first team - they are stronger, have a faster reflex speed, larger heart, larger lungs, longer muscles, stronger bones etc. So she can get fit but walking round a city in the heat is not a lot of fun and he should have got a taxi. He's entitled twit and OP should dump him.
She could, of course, have got her own taxi and met him at the museum.

We tend to do that too. Not because I can’t stand the pace, it’s just that I do occasionally want to sit in the sun and read a book for an hour or wonder around a nice shop. My DH will literally want to see every single thing he can.

I can understand why your partner was disappointed, as I love walking holidays.
However, my husband is 6'1 and I am 5'4. When we hike/walk together the slower one always dictates the pace. Breaks are important and nobody whines about them.
Also, I would struggle in the Portuguese summer heat. For city breaks in warmer climates spring and autumn are much more suitable.
Don't beat yourself up about it and have a chat with him. Agree on some compromises for your next holiday.
Good luck!

Why is everyone acting like OP’s boyfriend was forcing her to walk all day every day?

Firstly, it wasn’t all day every day. That would have racked up far more than an average of 12,500 steps a day. It is no more than a couple of half hour ish walks a day once you factor in wandering around a museum, and other normal daily walking to the loo etc.

By OP’s admission, they took trams and the metro and had breaks etc.

OP’s boyfriend just didn’t want to take a taxi for a journey that would have been a 35 minute walk. He wanted to see the sights en route. She has said that he wasn’t nasty, just frustrated and didn’t offer to get a taxi when she said she’d stay in a cafe instead.

All these post saying she should find a new boyfriend are crazy.