AIBU to think my partner could have been a bit more understanding on holiday?

[georgiexox]

We've just got back from a city break and I've been upset since we got back.

I've put on quite a lot of weight over the last few years. I know I have, and I'm trying to lose it, but it's not easy. My partner is naturally slim and loves walking.

We booked a holiday staying in the centre with the intention that most stuff was within walking distance. I genuinely thought I'd cope, but I completely underestimated it. By the second day my feet and back were aching, I was exhausted and finding the hills really difficult.

I kept going because I didn't want to spoil the holiday, but on the third day I asked if we could get taxis for some of the longer walks. My partner looked disappointed and said we'd chosen this type of holiday so we could explore on foot, and we'd miss loads if we started getting taxis everywhere.

He wasn't nasty about it I guess, but was clearly disappointed/frustrated. I ended up sitting in a café on my own for a while in the afternoon while he carried on sightseeing because I just couldn't manage any more walking.

He told me he thought we'd be doing it all together and was disappointed things hadn't worked out that way. I do totally understand that and I felt guilty because I obviously know my weight was the reason.

At the same time, I couldn't help wishing he'd just said, "Don't worry, let's get a taxi," instead of making me feel like I'd spoiled the trip. He says I knew what sort of holiday we'd booked and never said I was worried beforehand, which is true.

AIBU for thinking he could have been a bit more understanding, or is this entirely on me?

Well, I honestly from your updates, I think he wasn't very nice to you, no. Putting pressure on you and getting stroppy when you wanted to take a taxi, making you feel like you had to miss out on something you wanted to see isn't nice.

Also, it was on the third day - you'd done the first two his way! Where's the compromise? Why did he think you should struggle on? You presumably wanted him to have an enjoyable time, so he should feel the same, surely?

I am 72 and overweight, but I can manage more steps than that without problems. Sorry, your fitness really needs addressing. But he could have been more flexible.

No first time for both of us! I'd definitely love to do Amsterdam!

Yeah i'm just really disappointed to be honest. I know he can be stubborn but this just really upset me. I'd done as much as I could over the first couple of days, but by that point my back and ankles were aching, and the inside of my thighs were killing

Exactly all the ‘oh I’m 95 and I can do 60000 steps a day’ and I’m 58 and overweight and I easily manage 57000 steps a day…….‘It’s nauseating. Do they want medals? Horrid people

I think with a BMI of over 40, in heat of around 30 degrees and on hilly, paved ground you've done really well to achieve the steps you did. Being young is a factor, but it does show it wouldn't take much to get your fitness level up.

Soo many of these comments are sooo judgemental and just hard to read. Maybe because I hate walking I can empathise with you. Sounds like you tried hard most of the days to suck it up and do the walking and only suggested a taxi on the last day. Nothing wrong with that in my opinion, I'd also be upset my partner went off without me (although my partner knows there's no way I'm doing all that walking in the first place).

Hopefully next time you both can plan a holiday that suits both or your fitness levels so it's fair.

I really want to agree with @MachineBee
I did a walking marathon in 2019 but struggled with lengthy walking. Prior to a really full on trip last year (Machu Picchu, walking around Galapagos etc) I went to a shoe shop and was fitted for trainers. It has made the world of difference. Also, heat hits differently and can affect how you react to different situations. I think that the issue is really about how your DP reacted to you. I can understand that hurt. When I did my marathon, the person I went with left me because "can't walk slow due to how it hurts hip". It isn't how I would have done it, but I still carried on. I am also currently increasing my fitness due to blood pressure. You are doing fine and keep going... get your DP to support you. Very best of luck :-)

Loads of thin friends have this too and have to change shoes to accommodate it. I liked my other half dry body brushing my legs and foot rubs when we got back to the hotel 😉..pushing the fluid back toward my heart.

Don't beat yourself up ..some people suffer more in the heat, like walking more or less.. you can be you now…not in some mythical future …no moralising on holidays 🍹

OP I think some comments are harsh..I enjoy holidays like this and always do walking tours as I think it's the best way to experience the city. However, I also enjoy doing a bus tour to break it up and rest my feet and I am not overweight and will ensure I have appropriate footwear. Walking in heat will also take it out of me, I'm from N.Scotland so not used to it!
It's good it's been a wake up call for you but I also think your partner could have compromised and done something like a hop on hop off bus tour to give you a break..I don't think he was entirely unreasonable but for future similar holidays maybe discuss in advance how you will handle similar situations in future.

Oh OP, ive been where you are and you want to do it all but its so tough being that weight. Unless you have ever been heavy nobody understands what it's like. FWIW, I think you did great and he has no idea how hard it is so cannot emphasise. Your not blind, you know being your size is not healthy and you will encounter obstacles. Please look into WLI, they have changed my life. I was over 18st at 5ft 1, im now 8st 7, honestly do it for you 🥰

I think she gets that by now!

What a load of shit posted on this thread !!

over and over again people saying Brits walk on average much more than this - BOLLOCKS, the average people walk a day in the UK is 3000-4000 steps, we are a very sedentary nation.

Honestly people quoting ‘averages’ when what they mean is ‘I’. 🤔

good luck with building your fitness op I used to be very overweight and could only manage what you did and even though I’m much older now I can walk much further (but not hills as knee has arthritis)

im over 60 and really unfit. However for our last holiday we averaged about 18,000 steps per day in 38 plus degrees and lots of that was hill side towns.
I think that your step count for your age was really
low.

I have never understood "holidays" that consist of endless walking the street with no purpose other than looking at buildings and shops. Sounds very tiresome and boring. Overweight or not. However,I guess some people do find endless walking fun, and when you travel with someone like this it's probably a good idea to set expectations before a trip, if possible. I don't know if I believe that you didn't anticipate that you wouldn't be able to walk as much as your partner - that it was something you first learned on this holiday. Lesson learned, hopefully. Adjust expectations beforehand, and yes: both parties should be understanding of one another, and be willing to somehwta compromise on some things.

Also, I don't understand why everything needs to be done together. I frequently travel with groups of family members and friends, and we always divide into smaller groups, or even explore or relax on our own. Just because you came and leave together, doesn't mean you have to spend every minute together, doing the same things.

@georgiexox Do you think he partially chose this holiday to get you to exercise?

Yes I have 3 dogs and walk for hours every day. What’s that got to do with commenting on people saying the average in the UK is more than the OP did ?

because its not, google is your friend here. In studies of what people ACTUALLY do every day, its only 3000-4000 steps (nhs study)

Honesty, forget all the fitness stuff, this is a red flag. He is selfish and single minded and is happy to abandon you rather than compromise. He isn't a keeper. Ditch him and find someone nice.

Exactly OP.

You have stirred up the "I'm 93 and I walk 30,000 steps just walking to the loo and doing housework, before cooking my one chicken to exist on for two weeks" crowd.

There is a core of competitive types who have to jump.

I have often walked 30,000 steps a day when travelling. I have things I am far, far more proud of, and don't let people make you feel it's some huge failing as a human. It's no big deal - and I certainly would not be dumb enough to attempt it in heat and up hills, which changes step count entirely.

I can see this from both sides. I recently went away with a friend who is overweight on a city break so lots of walking and I guess I might relate to him in some ways as I couldn't appreciate or anticipate her level or lack of fitness. Conversely I've been away with super fit partner who ignored my needs and that wasn't great either.

However I think you might need to accept there is a lack of compatability. 2 years is often when the cracks start to appear so are you financially secure should the relationship not work out?