To have told my sister she was unprofessional and inappropriate? * [Content warning: concerns baby loss]

[Girlsonahill]

Without being completely outing, part of my sister's job involves going into lots of people's homes. We have a group whatsapp chat with our mum and although not the closest of sisters, generally talk most days get along fine. Today she posted a short video she filmed of a picture someone had up on their wall of their deceased baby and simply captioned "it's dead". This person was unaware she did this. I was horrified. gently told her I thought it was inappropriate and really unprofessional and I got a barrage of abuse back saying I was being judgemental and did I think I was the moral police. My mum said nothing presumably to keep the peace. She has form for being unable to accept any type of criticism but now I'm left feeling like I'm in the wrong and shouldn't have said anything. AIBU?

She needs to be prevented from visiting other people's homes immediately and permanently.

I would report her to her employers personally! Sister or not!

She's self employed! But its disgusting behaviour, even before the truly horrifying post about the baby. I would just disengage from the chat.

Very unprofessional and potentially a professional misconduct/disciplinary issue. No permission or consent from the patient/client. At best its sharing data without consent (photos are data) at worst... well, its horrible isn't it! That is someone's child. Does she regularly film or photo client/patient houses???

I don't think I could have a relationship with someone who did this, whoever they were

With that reaction I would say I wonder if your clients would agree? Or her employer! Honestly she’s unhinged. I’d leave the WhatsApp chat for sure

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.
To be honest, I'd have found that really upsetting. Whatever the circumstances, filming something deeply personal in someone else's home without their knowledge and then sharing it in a family WhatsApp with the caption "it's dead" feels disrespectful.
I don't think you were acting as the moral police, I think you reacted to something that most people would find quite shocking.

That's completely appalling of her. How utterly callous. Is there an Ombudsman you can report her to because I most certainly would.

You are absolutely not in the wrong. Your sister sounds totally without empathy and is not the right person to be going into people 's homes. Because she is your sister I don't suppose you want to report her. But if somebody did she could possibly face dismissal from her job.

Sister wants to hope her employers don’t find out……definitely a sackable offence!

She's self-employed. She's hardly going to dismiss herself.

Yes - here: National Trading Standards Estate and Letting Agency Teams - National Trading Standards . I posted it upthread. @Girlsonahill - please can you reassure the distressed and affected posters on this thread that you, or someone on your behalf, will be reporting this. It's too serious to ignore, if true. Thank you.

I would imagine that’s gross misconduct

It's hard to do the right thing when you know you're going to dislodge someone's view of themselves as perfect, but you've absolutely done the right thing.

That is a truly awful thing to do 😢!

You are not overreacting and not saying something ‘to keep the peace’ ,in my opinion, implies someone is okay with what’s been done. You are not okay with it - I wouldn’t be either - and I think it’s beholden on us to speak out in those circumstances - especially when it’s family. Good for you.

Yanbu. Your sister is deeply unpleasant. If you report it she will likely get a warning or sacked. Unless you are completely ok with being nc I wouldn't do this.However, I would mute the chat and message your mum directly when needed.

hello RTFT she is self employed.

I lost my little girl during my 2nd pregnancy and if I found out someone had taken pictures of her photos or keepsakes without my consent and then shared them, making light out of our heartbreak I would go scorched earth on them. I would not rest until their reputation was in ruins. People like your sister deserve all the bad karma that comes their way. I hope she never has to experience child loss. I'm so sorry you are related to such a horrible person.

Your sister is a terrible, terrible person. Well done to you for calling her out.

I wouldn’t let this rest, personally. If that means fall out from her family of enablers, so be it.

It’s absolutely awful, and terribly upsetting.

Is she a member of any sort of estate agents trade association, eg the National Estate Agents Association? I bet they would take a very dim view of this.

I'm not actually suggesting you should report her because I can see it would cause huge family problems, but it might do her good to think about what would happen if you or someone else did.

In fact, people with autism tend to be quite good at following policies and procedures and working in a rule bound way (if we are going to throw generalisations around!). What a terrible person.

Take videos inside her home, post them on a Whatapp chat you are having with friends and then tell your sister what you’ve done - I imagine the penny might drop then.

i mean most people think estate agents are lying scum but honestly this is beyond the pale.

Not only is it wildly unprofessional and callous, it is a breach of GDPR. As a sole trader, she is the responsible person who is meant to ensure compliance.

IANAL so I don’t know if what she’s done would reach the threshold of criminality, but even if it does not, it is extremely serious. Try showing her this, OP, as a way of attempting to convey that she, not you, is the one in the wrong.

Is she capable of change, do you think? If you think she is not, then reporting her to the trading standards link already posted and to the ICO are the only way you are going to be able to bring it about and protect her unsuspecting clients from this inexcusable behaviour. And I mean the whole thing of sharing photos, not only the baby picture - though that, of course, is a whole new level of unacceptable.

As I see it, you have 3 options:

• having said your piece, keep quiet in future - possibly distancing yourself from her so you don’t have to see it. But that does nothing to protect the -public
• Try to persuade her to change her ways, drawing on ammunition you’ve been given here to show her she needs to
• Report her

Good luck.

Shje IS unprofessional and she SHOULD be sacked! What she did is reportable IMO!