To have told my sister she was unprofessional and inappropriate? * [Content warning: concerns baby loss]

[Girlsonahill]

Without being completely outing, part of my sister's job involves going into lots of people's homes. We have a group whatsapp chat with our mum and although not the closest of sisters, generally talk most days get along fine. Today she posted a short video she filmed of a picture someone had up on their wall of their deceased baby and simply captioned "it's dead". This person was unaware she did this. I was horrified. gently told her I thought it was inappropriate and really unprofessional and I got a barrage of abuse back saying I was being judgemental and did I think I was the moral police. My mum said nothing presumably to keep the peace. She has form for being unable to accept any type of criticism but now I'm left feeling like I'm in the wrong and shouldn't have said anything. AIBU?

Gross breach of privacy and basic human decency. In some jobs this would mean automatic termination. What does she do? If she's a cleaner or carer she most likely has a non disclosure agreement. At the least she could be subject to a civil suit for invasion of privacy. It could even be a criminal offence. Shame on her.

Absolutely sickening

Of course she was in the wrong. And she knows it. But people don't usually respond well to criticism

You were absolutely right to challenge her

Speaking as someone who employs carers for my father, I am disgusted by your sister's actions and if I were her employer or any of the people whose homes she enters, I would expect to be informed of this breach of trust, and then I would fire her. If you're still unsure that you may be overreacting, ask her what her employer would say about it.

I'm so sorry, that's very sad

@SilverTotoro I'm so sorry for your loss. Please never feel that you can't put up photos of your baby if you want to. Just in the same way as we put up photos of the babies and children still with us ❤️
Anybody that would pass judgement on that simply isn't worth knowing.

That is appalling. Your sister is a cunt and anybody saying she isn't is not right in the head. Honestly she deserves sacking and if her service user knew what she'd done that would be her job gone. You were right to tell her.

Neither of these occupations. She is self employed so I guess she feels like she can get away with it more. I do love my sister but she does think she's gods gift. My parents pander to her and her partner does what he's told

editing to add. Im not sure why I assumed OPs sister was there as a nurse,I think I got muddled with another post that mentions nursing, but the rest of my point still stands.

Im autistic and have several family members who are autistic and each present differently,

I saw you mention your autistic brother wouldn’t understand the concept of death, that’s your brother, nothing about the OPp would suggest her sister has autism to the degree she doesnt understand the concept death or lacks the ability to understand why secretly recording photos of dead children to share in a family chat is very very inappropriate.

My sibling doesn’t understand death and can’t understand a lot of social norms, her autism affects her this way but it also means she’d doesn’t have the understanding and capacity to train as a nurse. This sounds like someone being a bit of a mean girl doing mean girl stuff rather than some autistic person with limited understanding of death and not knowing inappropriate behaviour.

If she doesn't think it's a big deal, she should be fine with you telling the person whose house she was in. I guarantee she won't set foot over their threshold again.

Im really sorry. I haven't been through this and yet it made me so sad

@NameChangedBecauseItsOuting I'm not sure the OP's sister is a nurse but you are so right in saying autism presents very differently in different people. As well as my brother, I work closely with neurodiverse children and young people as part of my job role so I was trying to work out if the OP's sister could be viewing the world a little differently as it were.
I guess I am shocked to think this sort of thing goes on when people are trusted in other people's homes!
OP has said this isn't the case with her sister so there really is no understandable reason as to why she did what she did. It's concerning tbh.

That is vile. That picture will be one of those parents most precious memories and your sister is mocking it, and the loss it represents. Horrifying.

My stepson and his wife, lost a child at birth and they have her photo on the wall at home so she is not forgotten and so her siblings know who she is.

Different people grieve in different ways, its not something I would do , but I totally get their need and their right to grieve as they feel is needed. Your sister is a heartless cow for taking a photo, which I am sure is not allowed in someone's home and then posting it for ridicule. It could get her sacked. I'm not supporting the idea you report her (although she deserves it) because she will use it against you for years.

But at some point, someone who has no affiliation to her will report her if she does something similar again. If she is a carer, there are rules about this and I wouldn't be surprised if its not in her contract. Although she doesn't sound a nice person so if she is a carer, she needs to find another job.

You are not over reacting and you did well to speak up.

What the fuck was she thinking, doing that? Completely and utterly inappropriate.

But why did she video? What is the context here? I can’t fathom a situation where it would be even relevant.

But you know really that she has broken her client's trust at a devastating time . OK she is making excuses and blamed you, but she still did that.

That's gross misconduct.

Taking photos or videos and sharing/commenting in this way is wrong and breach of trust/privacy.

The content makes it even worse. You were right to call her out. Tell her she has no moral compass and got it wrong.

She sends a lot of videos of different things from inside people's homes. She usually sends harmless videos/photos to us saying how dirty this is etc but I feel like this crossed a line

I would be reporting that. Unconscionable.

The death of a newborn baby always makes me cry. I lose sleep over it. Your sister was absolutely horrible.

So she habitually comments on clients houses with accompanying vids and pics?

What she did was horrific but as part of a pattern of disrespect she shouldn't be in the job whatever it is. It's a very heavy thing to have to do and I totally understand you don't want to do it but consider reporting her.

This is like those women whose husbands have affairs saying they don't want to blow the family up, and the reply is he blew it up, not you.
She's blowing up her own life and job with her behaviour @Girlsonahill.

Is she registered with the council,or social,services, I'd report her without any hesitation.

Your sister is absolutely vile and I'd have come down on her like a ton of bricks. What a ghastly thing to do!