To have told my sister she was unprofessional and inappropriate? * [Content warning: concerns baby loss]

[Girlsonahill]

Without being completely outing, part of my sister's job involves going into lots of people's homes. We have a group whatsapp chat with our mum and although not the closest of sisters, generally talk most days get along fine. Today she posted a short video she filmed of a picture someone had up on their wall of their deceased baby and simply captioned "it's dead". This person was unaware she did this. I was horrified. gently told her I thought it was inappropriate and really unprofessional and I got a barrage of abuse back saying I was being judgemental and did I think I was the moral police. My mum said nothing presumably to keep the peace. She has form for being unable to accept any type of criticism but now I'm left feeling like I'm in the wrong and shouldn't have said anything. AIBU?

We don't need policing either, thanks.

Taking umbridge with someone's language but not with the vile actions that provoked that response?

What is wrong with people?

Has something happened to your sister to make her so shut off from normal human feelings? Perhaps we should feel sorry for her.

That's offensive to autistic people!

That's disgusting and I'd actually report her to her employer if she's in a caring role (social worker, OT, carer, housing officer etc).

What is all this "gently" telling someone who is been an absolute odious cretin? If it had been my sister, they'd be no 'gently' telling her anything. I'd also reported her to whoever she works for. Poor woman having her dead baby shared about like it's a picture of a plate of food. Sick little witch.

She should not be doing the job. People are sacked for less. Absolutely disgusting and also upsetting for you to have to see.
She sounds unhinged.

Why on earth would she have done that. How utterly nasty!

her client would be gutted to know this. its a private personal photo and does not need her judgement. She should lose her job over this and it is such an invasion of this persons privacy. losing a child should not be something to mock

That sort of extreme lack of empathy has got to be suggesting a personality disorder surely? That's not normal at all is it? You say she has other narcissistic traits and her response to being called out over this is typical. NPD is much more prevalent than people appreciate, 1 in a 100 of the population are diagnosed, but most aren't - 1 in 20 (or more) likely to be the prevalence in the general population.

The problem is OP that you will never get accountability from her by calling out her behaviour. She will always be the victim, you mum has obviously learnt this - and as your approach was very gentle I expect you probably have too. You weren't wrong to do it, but it was never going to get the response you'd hope for.

Please show your DM my post. I’m 59 and I would bollock the living daylights out of my DS26 or my DS18 if either of them did this. I would be devastated at having brought up someone who could he so vile.

why is everyone banging on about neurodivergence. OP has said the sister is not.

The idea of someone taking and sharing pictures of my precious dead child for entertainment / mockery makes me feel physically sick.

And as others have noted, there should be nothing gentle about how she is spoken to about her appalling conduct. I would probably be screaming at mine down the phone.

Your sister sounds like abit of a cunt

When you sign a contract with an estate agent, they declare why they take photos and how they will be used, show her this thread because she has broken her contract and data protection. I hope this is picked up by the media because there may not be many people selling, who have a picture of their baby, who has died, on their wall. You should have shut her down long ago tbh. I'd be telling her it stops, or you will report what's been happening.

U sound very normal and the reaction u had was normal !
I would feel exact same way !.
Your sister literally can't have any empathy what she has done is callous and cruel and very unprofessional u were correct in pulling her up it seems to some people that anything is acceptable theses days and that in itself is a scary thought
Don't question yourself u did the right thing u should report your sister she has crossed over into untrusted territory of the family ever found out they would be horrified !!

@Cheeseandolivesplease your post is so offensive, it's unreal. Attitudes like yours will set autistic people back in the workplace, especially in settings such as hospitals and social care. To suggest that a full adult, who works in a semi professional role, doesn't understand that death is final, because they are autistic, is ridiculous.

What the actual fuck is wrong with your sister???

Disgusting.

@AWeeCupOfTeaAndAnIndividualFruitTrifle of course you're right, it was a knee jerk reaction. My apologies.

Because it's an out of taking any responsibility for awful behaviour these days.

No wonder society is so fucked when excuses are always being made.

@IStillHearTheWaves There simply is no need for so much swearing when posting. Personally I don't like the use of the "c" word and it is entirely unecessary. You can absolutely disagree with a point of view, but you don't need to use offensive language in order to get your point across.

Absolutely. I'm sorry, but your sister is not suited to her role OP.
She will not be allowed to take pictures in the homes she visits - that alone is a disciplinary offence. Sharing the image is definitely a sackable offence.
Then we move on to the attitude - I have no words.
I feel sorry for you being in this position.
She's disgusting. Utter cow. Very immature.
I would of been duty bound to report a colleague who did this - for many reasons.

Don't read it then.

The majority of people don't like the warped behaviour of OP's sister. The fact you're inventing excuses for that while pulling someone up on their language is, in my opinon, absolutely fucked up.

@Ponoka7 I have worked with many, many autistic people as part of my job role (24 years in) who don't understand the finality of death.
But as another poster has rightly said, OP has confirmed sister is not neurodivergent.
So it's a moot point.

@IStillHearTheWavesAnother poster than seems incapable of intelligent debate without using a swear word.

Why are people constantly referring to "a sackable offence" and reporting to her employer, when she's self-employed? She's not going to sack herself or reprimand herself.

That is one of the most appalling things I’ve read on here. What a disgusting ‘human’ being she is. I would have nothing more to do with her.