To have told my sister she was unprofessional and inappropriate? * [Content warning: concerns baby loss]

[Girlsonahill]

Without being completely outing, part of my sister's job involves going into lots of people's homes. We have a group whatsapp chat with our mum and although not the closest of sisters, generally talk most days get along fine. Today she posted a short video she filmed of a picture someone had up on their wall of their deceased baby and simply captioned "it's dead". This person was unaware she did this. I was horrified. gently told her I thought it was inappropriate and really unprofessional and I got a barrage of abuse back saying I was being judgemental and did I think I was the moral police. My mum said nothing presumably to keep the peace. She has form for being unable to accept any type of criticism but now I'm left feeling like I'm in the wrong and shouldn't have said anything. AIBU?

she's an estate agent. Not that excuses it in any way

Every single video crossed a line. She is breaching the trust of every person whose house she enters.

You should have commented as soon as she started sending pictures from inside people's homes, it's obviously a serious invasion of privacy. Does she post any of this more widely? If so, I would send her employers a link.

She may technically have consent to take photographs/videos of the interiors of peoples homes but that consent us for the purpose of marketing the property for sale or rent. The sharing of photos/videos fir any other purpose is likely to be a breach of data protection so you could (and should) report her to the information commissioner.

Hee behaviour is really unprofessional and she is showing a complete disregard for the privacy and security of her clients.

My beautiful ds2 died at 7months old. Justi reading this has made me cry.. Some people just shouldn't be allowed to care for others.

Yes this. I think it's a combination of genuinely not being able to sympathise with people who've lost a baby and lack of awareness of why someone would want their picture on their wall. Also I believe she does it for attention. Most of the things she messages us are somewhat outrageous/ out the norm/ belittling of other people in order to garner attention. She's had a lot/continues to get a lot of attention from my parents/her partner so I'm not sure if this has contributed to the way she is

Then send it all to her work. Then tell her and say "let's hope they have your sense of humour and not mine". She sounds utterly abhorrent and i'd absolutely wipe the smile of her smug little face.

Has she always been a psychopathic cunt or did she turn into one overnight? I’d be steering clear of her, she is clearly not normal or reasonable in her judgement.

What a disgusting human being. Let's hope she never has to go through something like that herself.

She's vile. Ask her how she thinks the homeowners would react to knowing she did this. Then ask how she thinks prospective clients would feel about inviting her into their home knowing she did this.

Completely agree. She's staggeringly unprofessional and should be reported to the ico.

However doing that may destroy your relationship with her and your mum. Difficult decision

My friends and family would probably say that I can be overly harsh sometimes and may make jokes about things that others would consider inappropriate. But even I would never make a joke about something so upsetting. Your sister is an awful person to even consider sending this to you. If she ever has her own children, you should remind her of this as I’d imagine she’d be thoroughly disgusted with herself.

Unprofessional?? It's fucking horrendous! Photographing someone's picture of their dead baby and sharing it? I'm beyond horrified.

> Isn't that a sackable offence?
Wouldn't it be a criminal offence?

I think this post needs to come with a trigger warning. How absolutely heartbreaking your sister did this.

Sadly, after I posted I discovered that this horrible woman is self employed. There is a regulatory body for estate agents, but I don't think they "police" estate agents very well.

I think some negative publicity on social media might do the trick.

I thought she’d sent a pic of a baby who’d just died.
I am now assuming she has sent a photo of a photo of a baby who’d died from somewhere within a home she’d been in?
It is not quite as grave, but it’s still appalling.
She sounds a bit unhinged and without empathy. People really trust someone like her with their home it’s such an intimate space.
I don’t really have any advice other than stop having her on your WhatsApp and tell her why.
Your mum is close to my age I would go nuclear if I received a message like that.
Stop giving her attention and feeding the beast by accepting her messages.

She is disgusting for doing that

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YANBU. Not even close.
What your sister did involved someone's private grief, filmed without their knowledge, captioned with something callous, and shared to other people. That's not a matter of taste or a joke that landed wrong — it's a real breach of the trust that lets her into people's homes for work in the first place. If the family whose baby died ever found out, it would be devastating, and honestly it's the kind of thing that could cost her the job if the wrong person saw it. Calling that unprofessional and inappropriate isn't harsh — if anything it's a restrained way of putting it.
The "moral police" accusation is a pretty classic deflection — it reframes "you did something that could really hurt someone" into "you're being uptight," which conveniently makes the conversation about your character instead of her behaviour. You said you gently raised it, which suggests you weren't even coming in hot; the barrage back sounds disproportionate to what actually happened.
Your mum staying quiet to keep the peace is understandable but it does mean you're the only one who said the thing that needed saying. That's an uncomfortable position, and it makes sense you're now second-guessing yourself — that's often what happens after getting yelled at, even when you were right. But feeling bad about the fallout isn't the same as being wrong.
You mentioned she has a pattern of not accepting criticism — I'd separate that from whether you were right to say something this time. You were.

She needed calling on her shit and you did it - good on you. How would she feel if someone did that to her - bet you would hear it then and rightly so. She needs to sort her shit out, Maybe if this got out and she lost her job it would give her a kick up the arse and open her eyes!

Yes do I just need to write this in the title? I'm deeply sorry for anyone in this thread who has experienced this

but she has already behaved unprofessionally, sharing images of people's homes on your group and making comments about the state if them. Yes the baby photo is a whole other level of nastiness but the line had already been crossed.

Block her fucking nut job and go low or no contact.

Jesus Christ
Look, I've worked children's hospice. Some photography companies can do amazing shots of babies born sleeping. They are likely the only photos she can display in her house of her child. And a supposed professional has come in and filmed them to take the piss out of her stillborn child?
I do not say this lightly, your sister is a callous cunt
That would fundamentally change my opinion on somebody (and u say that as a laid back lass with plenty of experience of dark nurse humour)
There's a line, your sister obliterated it

She sounds like an arsehole and she is not going to change. I would mute the chat and message your mum and other siblings (?) directly to contact them. Or if you need to be in the group one just ignore every single message she sends from inside people's houses