“All the trimmings” - to find this quite vile?

[Penelopefly]

I’m away with my boyfriend at the weekend. In the course of messaging about our respective days, I’ve mentioned I am starting to pack. He said ‘remember some nice lingerie with all the trimmings’. I queried what trimmings meant - he clarified stockings and suspenders.

I feel like a piece of meat!

Eww, what a creep. 🤮

Nice try, you know nothing about my undies 😉

You’re forgetting that OP is asking specifically about his choice of words, not a debate on how you like to please your man.

oh he wants to stuff his balls alright in the trimmings.

Why does it have to be uncomfortable?? I wear different types of lingerie sometimes, if something is uncomfortable, it doesn't get worn again, the stuff that feels good on gets more outings and I've learned what I feel best in.

I'm not saying the way it was phrased wasn't a bit off, it was definitely odd and best and off putting at worst.

But I do think it's a jump to automatically assume (from one post) that he's some skeevy perv who wants op to dress like a prostitute and be uncomfortable while he wears ratty boxers and gets fat??

But you were the first poster to use the word ‘kinky’. No one else said stockings and suspenders are kinky. You did. 😂

Isn't it ok to be a bit playful as a couple? Is it the dressing up in stockings or the phrase all the trimmings that is so offensive?

If he treats you with respect day to day can't you see it as a bit of playful fun, which clearly hasn't landed well but that's a coaching situation not a get offended situation.

It’s not very classy or respectful is it?

”All the trimmings” is what you say about roast turkey dinners. I think I would probably have a word here because this type of language would make me feel the opposite of sexy.

Stockings/suspenders etc - it has to come from the woman, otherwise it feels like you’re performing a service. He sounds like he’s not very clever or sensitive.

This was my first thought too ! I’m clearly too old and past it !

Errr that’s pretty vile so his idea of you have a holiday is you dressing up as his sex thing.

I would send him on his weekend away alone. But I would actually tell him by doing this -

I would then pour a large glass of wine, get a few strawberries etc and snacks and a book and sit outside and send him a photo of my book, drink and snacks and say enjoying my weekend with ALL the trimmings - enjoy yours!

wait for him to go what ?? Why aren’t you coming and reply

I am not your sex toy or a piece of meat and any man that gives any indication of that is how he is treating woman as objects needs his head examined and understand this is why he is single. Enjoy your weekend.

I think this is fine if it's something you regularly do anyway and know he loves. If you've never done it before, he's obsessed with sex and makes everything sexual and you've only been together five minutes then total ick.

And this is totally on point. If you don’t dump him or worse still go away with his you have no respect.

Urgh. Nope.

Depends if you've worn this sort of thing before, or own any. Is it really that offensive though?

Weird. Why would you make assumptions about someone else’s underwear, and why would you think it’s an insult to suggest someone likes ‘sensible knickers’ anyway? (Was it also you who told OP to find a man who’ll “settle for granny pants” if she found her boyfriend’s demand for stockings demeaning?) Someone seems a little too concerned with, and judgmental about, other people’s underwear preferences…

I read OP’s post to my DH with no comment and he immediately said “ugh, the expectation for her to dress up is gross”. If a red-blooded heterosexual male who appreciates nice lingerie interpreted it as a demand, it’s not just women who you’d no doubt consider ‘prudish’ who’d take it like this.

😂😂😂

Sorry, but this thread is making me laugh. Just thinking about Christmas dinner now.
Seriously though, if this isn’t something that you have ever discussed then serious ICK! 🤮 the expectation that you want to dress up for him is so weird. What’s he bringing ???

I’d be telling him - “yes -I’ve got my strap on with a tinsel trim - I hope your bringing your sparkly thong’

I would get the ick and feel like a piece of meat, because that’s literally how you’d describe a roast dinner. I also wouldn’t enjoy being told to pack sexy clothes, not asked. I’d probably be happy to pack and wear stockings, but after a conversation where he mentioned he liked them, or asked me what I thought of them, so that I wear them of my own volition not because it’s been demanded of me. I hope he remembers to pack his manners

Is he always like this? Is dressing up something you usually do and would he say something about it? Context matters imo as my bf might say something like this as well and it's part of a normal exchange because well, dressing up is something I do a lot.
If it's not something usual for the two of you, then I'd be concerned.

Yuck. To me it sounds like a stuffed turkey?! I'm just imagining a bloody giant turkey wearing stockings and a suspender belt and a peep hole bra! Maybe that's more a me problem! 🤣

Is everyone on here literally determined to be outraged at absolutely everything? Jesus Christ.

One person's flirty talk is another person's boke-inducing nightmare.

At least he didn't ask for picky bits.

The baseline for a relationship is mutual respect. Clearly, his comments made you feel disrespected. And that’s the point that’s important here.
Nobody else’s thoughts on whether it’s just banter, or it’s truly disrespectful in their view, matter. The basis of a healthy relationship is an alignment on what is and isn’t acceptable. You will need to have a conversation, and if that isn’t something you think the relationship can survive, then that is your answer.

Don’t do it, if he doesn’t want you without “all the trimmings” then he doesn’t deserve you.

If you had chosen to bring that stuff on your own volition because you know it’s something he likes and you wanted to dress up then that’s completely different, but it shouldn’t be demanded of you, yuck.

The women on here are insane tbh. I got called a whore for suggesting that some women like it and that it’s totally okay for people to have different sexual preferences. Makes me wonder if all these women hate their saggy bodies and their husbands never get anyway (unless they’re single ofc)

Seriously what is wrong with a woman wanting to impress her partner in bed??