“All the trimmings” - to find this quite vile?

[Penelopefly]

I’m away with my boyfriend at the weekend. In the course of messaging about our respective days, I’ve mentioned I am starting to pack. He said ‘remember some nice lingerie with all the trimmings’. I queried what trimmings meant - he clarified stockings and suspenders.

I feel like a piece of meat!

Interesting how men wearing uncomfortable underwear is very rarely a desired part of foreplay..

It is dramatic to assume but it was unreasonable to just tell her to wear this stuff without knowing if she likes it or not.

If OP (or anyone else) doesn’t want to wear something then she shouldn’t. That’s ok.

OP has not told us that. We know she doesn’t like the term “all the trimmings”.
She must have stockings and suspenders (for her BF to have mentioned them). She hasn’t said he makes her wear them.

Yes I thought it was going to be about a full roast dinner too.

I would’ve guessed roast dinner too… it would give me the ick. Unless he’s always like this and you enjoy it of course!

I wouldn’t care about this to be honest it would make me feel desired . A part of me thinks you are the same by posting this and asking people to comment. Whats wrong with a girlfriend being asked to dress up for her man and turn him on. Some of the comments here are just wild and ridiculous

I'm fascinated to learn that not liking stockings and suspenders = not liking sex.

It doesn't even mean you don't like sexy lingerie, since to most people that would mean a beautiful bra and knickers, not weird, uncomfortable 1970s gear that no woman wears.

If I don't like classic Bond and the Bee Gees, does it mean I'm not into film or music? If I don't fancy a perm, is it safe to assume I'm not interested in looking nice? Am I no longer a foodie if I shun fondue and trifle...?

I can't help feeling some pps are showing their own lack of imagination a bit, tbh!

Anyway. As many have pointed out, the icky bit is mainly the expectation- without prior conversation- that women should do all this performative stuff while men just turn up. It's the same conversation people often have on here about being expected to shave: nobody cares whether you choose to do it but lots don't like the idea he has a right to demand it.

I still think he's either older or young and reached for a naff "racy" image in his excitement. It's not the crime of the century. But anyone I was seeing would be told- with a smile- that I'll wear stockings and suspenders when he gets his skintight Jilly Cooper jodhpurs on.

Such a Mumsnet thread!

I'd have no problem with the request, and would act on it if I wanted to. I'd consider the request part of the pre weekend foreplay.

Many men like the idea of a woman wearing stockings and suspenders. It really turns them on. I like doing things that turn my man on. I love it when he's up front about what he likes.

It's the wording I can't stand here. That's the turn off for me.

I really wish MN would bring back the laugh emoji for comments like this. Brilliant 😂

I would have been thinking “😋 roast”
don't forget the mint sauce

All threads that aren’t about potatoes are disappointing, TBF.

There’s a difference between choosing to wear sexy lingerie yourself, or a boyfriend asking if you’re planning to pack something he’s seen you in before and loved…and a command. OP’s boyfriend presented this as an expectation rather than a request.

I’d pack sexy lingerie for a weekend away and wouldn’t mind my DH saying “sooo…will you be packing X?” I’d actually find it flattering to know he’d found me so sexy in something he’d seen me in he hoped to repeat the experience. I might even go buy something fancier to surprise him.

If he commanded me to wear stockings and suspenders, when I’ve never worn them and don’t own any, I’d be so put off I’d probably remove the rest of the lingerie from my suitcase.

“All the trimmings” made me think of pigs in blankets. Very sexy.

😂😂 omg this!!!

He is NOT a keeper

So you don’t like the wording either (which is what the post is actually about, not whether you agree with sexy underwear 🤣)

But you just had to tell us that you’re SUCH a cool girl!

You don’t know if OP may also have packed sexy underwear, but he will never know now will he?

I would tell him your sizes and get him to buy what he likes. Full matching set. Then he’ll understand how a seemingly simple request = work!

Urgh

A bloke like this would 100% put me off.

Why is it women are expected to shovel makeup on with a trowel, wear hideously itchy uncomfy (expensive) underwear, never gain a pound, while men cant even be bothered to share, rarely bother using products to prevent/lessen hair loss, and often wear horrible old boxers

The key thing most men like about women wearing stockings & suspenders is it indicates effort with appearance and validates their internal voice saying you are an aesthetic object & your role is to look good for him.

If a bloke wants that, he better be telling me i never have to work a day in my life if i dont want to & he'll keep me in the manner im accustomed to. But no - your typical bloke today wants you to look like a model but earn like a lawyer.

Good lord. So wearing pretty/sexy lingerie is making yourself a prostitute now? I always pack special undies when we're going away, makes me feel good and husband enjoys the view! Men and women are stimulated in quite different ways, and men are often very visual, so this is a turn-on for them. If you find it demeaning, find a bloke who'll settle for granny pants.

Such a Mumsnet response! 🤣

Same, I was so confused 😕

Me and my husband jokingly call any form of "nice" lingerie "frillies" for reasons I've completely forgotten over the course of 18 years. Definitely getting old 🤣

I had a bf like this back in the 90s. I bought him a gladiator "skirt" & used to make jokes about easy access...... for some reason this equal treatment wasn't ok.

Where does it say that? What is wrong with you!

Demanding your partner to wear something for your sexual pleasure is not treating them like a partner is it? It’s treating them like, well, an employee.

He has also asked for stockings and suspenders not “sexy undies”

But you’re such a cool girl! No big deal!

Or a turkey 🧐

You really are getting your (no doubt sensible) knickers in a twist over this, aren't you? I didn't see any demand, just letting her know what turns him on. She doesn't have to wear anything she doesn't want to, she can dump him or not, as she so desires. Life is too short to get so incensed about someone else's underwear preferences 🤣