“All the trimmings” - to find this quite vile?

[Penelopefly]

I’m away with my boyfriend at the weekend. In the course of messaging about our respective days, I’ve mentioned I am starting to pack. He said ‘remember some nice lingerie with all the trimmings’. I queried what trimmings meant - he clarified stockings and suspenders.

I feel like a piece of meat!

I think it's called foreplay and is perfectly healthy in an adult, consensual relationship.

Well lucky me…I’ve lived a long time without encountering those “normal relationships” and I’m grateful for it …much prefer the loving kind

Ah well OP can reply to BF “What foreplay clothing will you be wearing?”

Problem solved

Cringe
Back to the 80s

No mistaking what a weekend away means to his mind.

I’m deeply disappointed because I thought we’d be discussing Christmas dinner, just like many other pp. I wanted to find out why it’s not ok to call Yorkshire pudding, potatoes and veg “trimmings”. I have never heard the term used in a different context, just roast dinner.

I think I’d be put off by this. Whilst I’m happy to put something nice on, I don’t want to be told to do so. And “trimmings” would result in brussel sprouts and carrots in a tupperware, not stockings in my bag.

He does sound a bit 1970's 😂sorry for laughing

Some wild responses here. A man suggesting his girlfriend might wear some nice lingerie would be threatened with pegging by several posters. Wtaf

@Penelopefly

He said ‘remember some nice lingerie with all the trimmings’. I queried what trimmings meant - he clarified stockings and suspenders.

I'd buy them in his size. In the scratchiest nylon lace I could find.

God is it vanilla not to dress up like a whore now? Hope you get picked aliceyyyy. Yuck.

Same here. I'm an adult who can choose what to pack and would not appreciate being directed in that way. Like I wouldn't appreciate the demand from Lover Boy.

Actually when my OH & I started seeing each other years ago he wore those awful huge, loose, American type bloomer boxers that to my eyes were not pleasing or attractive & over time, I gently told him he'd look way better in shorter, tighter fits, like Calvins (NOT budgie smugglers I hasten to add!) & he gave hem a go & hasn't looked back so in a way they could be described as "foreplay clothing"

So it does work both ways..

I don’t understand. You say you are away with him so how can he be telling you what to pack if you’re already there?

If you are there already and he’s treating you like an object then leave. If you haven’t actually left yet and you meant you had planned to go away with him, then don’t bother. Dump him and find someone better.

Is this really so outrageous?! He’s treating you like a prostitute, he’s controlling, he must be ancient and bad in bed?! Some real leaps in these responses despite very little from the OP! If she doesn’t want to that’s totally fine. But it doesn’t make him some kind of deviant for even mentioning it.

The point is that deciding to wear such things should come from her, not him. How is it a turn on for either party for one to instruct the other what to do or wear etc because then even if they do it has only been done because the other one demanded it so there’s zero spontaneity and actually a very high chance that the instructee didn’t really want to, otherwise they’d not have had to be instructed…

All just very cringey and forced really.

If he wanted to spice things up he could have taken the initiative to do something to turn on the OP. She says he is her boyfriend so presumably he’d have some idea how to do that? But no, instead he’s instructing her about his specific requests for how she should dress up for him. Maybe he should buy himself a barbie doll to play with until he grows up.

I don't get the angry replies. It's a bit naff and yes suspenders are dated but FFS you're going for a weekend away together, surely it's ok to focus on sex a bit more than usual.

I think it’s more just that the phrase he used (“all the trimmings”) is vomit inducing and this all makes him sound like an immature and emotionally inept teenager so isn’t something most women would find to be a turn on, and usually goes hand in hand with someone being rubbish in bed as well as a useless boyfriend.

The phrase itself aside I would like this request. I don't get the outrage at all .

I know right. Can’t dress up for a man cos he clumsily asks but can peg him

actually bizarre reading this thread

I did wear stockings and suspenders when younger also but found them to be the most ridiculous and uncomfortable garments. Glad DH isn't remotely into my wearing fancy underwear and never has been.

Stick a parsnip up his bum.

If the OP doesn't usually wear granny knickers then should she just for this weekend?

Why sexy lingerie or big pants with nothing in between? I wear hipster cotton pants and comfortable bras (sometimes with no wire) and look good in them because I'm fit and a healthy weight.

If OP isn't into wearing "all the trimmings" and it gives her the ick it's fine, but there's no harm in it or exchanging flirty texts with someone you are about to spend the weekend with, objectively. Personally I couldn't be bothered now but it's fine if that's what you are into.

So women who don't like wearing lingerie must dislike sex, in your view?

Yes, if it were an established thing that would be different but he has no idea if OP likes wearing them or not.

No woman is unreasonable for not wanting to wear stockings and suspenders (which anyway are hardly the only 'nice underwear out there'). It is wrong imo for him to randomly tell her to do it when he doesn't know if she'd like it or not.

The pegging threat is OTT but it's clearly sarcastic- I don't think pps actually mean she should do that.