“All the trimmings” - to find this quite vile?

[Penelopefly]

I’m away with my boyfriend at the weekend. In the course of messaging about our respective days, I’ve mentioned I am starting to pack. He said ‘remember some nice lingerie with all the trimmings’. I queried what trimmings meant - he clarified stockings and suspenders.

I feel like a piece of meat!

I know. We’re obviously brazen hussies 😂.

It's making me think of that old program about prostitutes in Bradford. Band of gold I think it was called. That prostitute who had to put the stockings on for that old man and he got super peeved if she tore them.

OP read him the riot act for that comment alone?
How long have they been together?
What is their usual language around sex?
Have they've even had sex yet?

To say, "I'll still go away" but I've told him we're not having sex, is bizarre. It really is.

If you already have a happy sexual relationship there is no need to be offended. Take something nice. Wouldn't you do that anyway?
or, and I like this one, do as a previous poster suggested and pack granny pants, night cap and long flannel nightdress. I'd go all out with curlers in my hair and pop reading specs on.

I'd act all excited coming out of the bathroom saying, I'm ready!!! 👵🩷

Not at all, we’ve all worn those and it’s all very tame.

It’s not what he asked. It’s the clumsy way he asked to see her in them. The build up to sex is aural as well as physical and visual. If he can’t find a better, more arousing way to tell her what he likes, rather than just putting his orders in and making her feel like a customised Happy Meal, then it doesn’t sound like she’s in for a fun weekend, does it? That’s what many of us are turning our noses up at.

Maybe…

But it’s still weird in my opinion. Why don’t people redirect their anger at their parents where it belongs (joking). The internet is what we make of it.

Take him a box of Paxo.

I loathe the phrase 'all the trimmings' when it's used in relation to a roast dinner. It just makes me feel a bit icky. I've never heard it used as a euphemism for sexy underwear before.

Like @Wildefish , I'm 70. I am shocked that women now don't seem to have as much sexual agency as I did in 1974. I could, and did, fuck any bloke I wanted. The pill took any risk of pregnancy out of the equation, but I would have had an abortion if something had gone awry. Seriously, I do not get the victim mentality that is taking hold.

I could also wear stockings if I fancied the fantasy.

Tricky one really - if you both enjoyed dressing up, then it would be exciting but it sounds like you are uncomfortable with it? Is it something you've discussed before or is he assuming you'll just do it for him without checking how you feel about it?

The best relationships thrive on honesty and so if you are uncomfortable then you need to let him know and he needs to accept that. Have you asked him to wear anything? To me when men ask you to dress up, it sometimes feels like they are exerting control or taking charge, talk to him.......

Of course OP is entitled to feel the way she did but tbh I don’t think he meant it in a derogatory way

I didn’t mean it was derogatory. Just deeply unsexy, entitled, and indicative of someone who isn’t very good in bed.

Nobody is shocked. You're missing the point.

"With all the trimmings" is such a cringe making thing to say. And as poster above said, deeply unsexy.

I think we’re definitely on a different page here and that’s fine, but I really don’t see it as such. Shy get bairns get nowt as they say.

Don’t they? I always wear them when I feel a bit fruity! But I am older 🤣

I hate the whole culture around lingerie. it's so unwieldy and uncomfortable and is purely for male pleasure. Men don't need any help getting aroused at all so why are we supposed to put our own enjoyment on the backburner to increase theirs? A naked female body is enough! I let my DH know a few years back that I was done with all that shit and he didn't complain, he said he'd never actually considered that women might not like it and if it wasn't a turn-on for me then he was fine without it. I think both men and women just go along with things sometimes because they're expected, but if you explain to him that you'd rather skip the "trimmings" then maybe he'll surprise you and understand.

Surely you replied something along the lines of 'And you pick now to announce you're a cross dresser. Bring your own bloody lingerie'

The analogy to a roast dinner is apt, because nothing makes you feel more like a turkey trussed up for slaughter than suspenders.

I agree. I've never met a man who didn't like them.

I definitely don't think lingerie is kinky.
I would object to being asked to wear it because it's naff af.
As so many PPs have suggested, it's like something straight out of an 80s top shelf magazine.

You’re so wrong that it’s purely for male pleasure. I get a lot of pleasure from it. Just because you don’t, doesn’t mean that ALL women feel the same.

Well put 😂

The last two posts from OP are absolutely hilarious. This is going to be a long weekend.

It sounds as if it were a tongue in cheek comment. How anyone can get upset about that is beyond me. Most normal and sane people would laugh it off.

What's the equivalent of sexy lingerie for men?

I'm not going to tell you what you personally like, but as a general rule, lingerie is for the benefit of men and not for women. I think the general mood on the thread confirms that. It's wrong to call women anti-sex because they don't like lingerie. The reason I decided not to wear it anymore was that it ruined sex for me, and I'd prefer to enjoy it fully by being comfortable and feeling like I'm enough for the man I'm with without needing any "trimmings".

The thrill some women get from wearing stockings/suspenders/push-up bras isn't from the lace and elastic digging into their skin, it's about feeling desired, and if I can feel desired without needing any props other than my own body, then that for me is true sexual liberation.