“All the trimmings” - to find this quite vile?

[Penelopefly]

I’m away with my boyfriend at the weekend. In the course of messaging about our respective days, I’ve mentioned I am starting to pack. He said ‘remember some nice lingerie with all the trimmings’. I queried what trimmings meant - he clarified stockings and suspenders.

I feel like a piece of meat!

That feels different though. Your DH knows you like them. The OP doesn't seem to have expressed any interest and rather than finding out what they both like he's telling her .

I enjoy dressing up so it wouldn't bother me particularly, but if it's not something that's usually on the cards I'd think it was pushy and presumptuous.

'I'm my own woman' - you mean you like wearing them yourself? That's different...

The issue is that he has no idea if OP likes them and he's just telling her what to wear. It's not an issue that he fancies her or wants her to dress up. It's the lack of consideration..

You can have a lot of fun with sex and still not like being told what to wear, not asked about what you both might like. There's nothing fun about just being told to wear something.

This

I think it's relevant it's apparently a fairly new BF not DH or LTR.

That's possible. We're just inferring tone and that can be an issue.

Assuming the post isn't just one for traffic...

Ask him exactly this and see what he says!

That would make my skin crawl. Even if I’d fancied him something rotten a minute earlier. There’s nothing sexy or charming about it. Nothing to indicate that he’s going to make sure you have fun too. Just ‘My expectations are that you will wear something to perform for me’. And all the trimmings?! If I’d packed stockings and suspenders, that would be enough for me to in pack them.

I hope you’ve texted him back and told him to remember his firefighters uniform.

Oh! What fun! Just a simple request for your thoughts on those trimmings (which of course initially I thought was an early Christmas dinner request) and the answers have had me in absolute fits of giggles. Thank you sooooooooo much for cheering me up.

Dump him if you're not happy . You're nit picking at this point.

the responses are wild!!

• I think a lot of people surprised by the dramatic responses are forgetting this is AIBU. People are always dramatic on here. I suspect lots of posters use it to work off excess anger etc and probably don't really feel that strongly.

It's also possible some dramatic replies are MN trying to manufacture tension to get more clicks.

I would have no problem with donning nice lingerie for my partner, and would expect him to do the equivalent.
His terminology is crass though!

LOL. It is like women on this website don't know what a man is.

I think he was clumsily trying to open that conversation

I thought he was asking you not to shave down there

Yes, I mean maybe it would be helpful if OP had given a bit more detail. Presumably they discussed it more. He could have been being clumsy or entitled.

I mean he always thought I looked great in the underwear I chose.

Ask him if he's got a truss string to make sure your folded up nice and tight too! Nice bit of bird!

That’s exactly it. If you’re going away for a weekend, especially with a new partner, most of us would want to do everything possible to knock their socks off, but this is just so… unskilled.

It puts me in mind of that scene in Gavin & Stacey where Pete is pretending to be Captain Mark Overmars and asks Dawn if she wants to go upstairs and have it off.

I myself- and several other pps- know that a lot of men find that stuff sexy. That's not the issue

The issue is just telling her to wear this stuff rather than finding out something she likes & something they'd both find sexy. And for that matter, he could ask her what she'd like him to wear/do etc!

Alternatively, as the OP was so offended, she could have told him to make sure he was bringing his own trimmings, like a book or a crossword, to keep him amused, cos she definitely wasn't going to.🙄

Re coronafiona.

I always associated all the trimmings with Christmas dinner. Ask him if he also wants you to serve sprouts, pig in blankets, gravy sage and onion stuffing and Christmas pudding.

Before or after sex in a Christmas Party hat.

Get rid he sounds like a real tosser.

Just as a point of history - those of us who were there stopped wearing stockings and suspenders in 1963, not the 1980s . . . .

Is this a new BF? Genuinely interested, as BF sounds like something you'd call a relatively new partner. I guess my question is if he is new why bother? I personally could think of nothing worse at my menopausal age than having a boyfriend. Apologies if not the case,

Thanks. I remember my mum having them in the 80s that's all - not for everyday. Just in her knicker drawer! I also remember seeing people wear them for sex on tv in the 80s 90s.

I went along with this kind of remark for the first couple of years we were together. On our wedding day he asked (he insists jokingly) why I wasn't wearing stockings and it really pissed me off. Since then I've found my voice and let it be known I choose what I wear and his preferences don't feature. He wouldn't dare now and we have both grown and learned from our early mistakes. So I don't think it's curtains for you, as long as you speak up and remind him you're an equal human being, not an object for his entertainment.