To ban SD from my en suite?!

[EasterEstherEgg]

I’m fuming!!

When I moved in with DH, an en suite was an essential on my list. I have DD12 and he has SS15 and SD17 and I don’t want to share my personal space with teenagers. They’re also not allowed in our bed.

Have come back from a work trip early to find SD getting out of my bath, with my shampoos, body lotions and creams laid out and my bloody dressing gown and slippers on and apparently she often does this when I’m away!

She - and DH and everyone else - are well aware my en suite is off limits. AIBU?

This. Both SD and DD are very interested and aware of the cost of skincare products.

Personally I don't see this as something to blow your top about. It's life with teenagers surely, they mess up occasionally. Would you feel differently if it was your DD or is this level of rage just for your SD?

But being at school still, do they understand how much these things cost from an adult perspective, when you have bills and a responsible job to pay for them?

I would be kind to her and offer to help her pick out a range suitable for young skin from a nice brand (and buy it for her) but that's just me. Glow Recipe is suitable and has such lovely scents that she'll probably leave your old-lady Chanel alone! 🤣

I don't think there's any need to put a lock on the bathroom door, but a lock on a cupboard where you can put your really expensive products might be a good idea.

Why?? SD was clean when she put it on! She doesn't have fleas.

I’d be less angry with DD because she’s 12. If she did it, she’d probably cry and her allowance would be docked til she paid it back. SD has stormed off to her mum’s.

Both SD and DD know my en suite is off limits. They are both into skincare. If they want to try something, they can ask me and we’ll look together and I’ll sometimes say yes or sometimes I’ll direct them to something more suitable to their skin and age.

The fact that SD has repeatedly been going into my private space and taking what she wants, whilst I’m away working hard for our family, makes me absolutely furious.

To be honest this is the last straw. Both SC and DH treat our house like a dosshouse and I’m tired of coming home late after working hard to find a mess.

I think I’m done.

DD and I will be much happier living separately.

I’d tell them to wear their own dressing gown and slippers but as for using my products and en-suite, they’d be welcome too. I think it’s mean of you, especially as it seems like they use it when you are not there!

You've clearly got issues bigger than your DSD using your stuff. I feel sorry for the DCs involved.

😂😂😂

Funny because she often has headlice from her younger siblings at her mum’s, as well aa athletes foot and ringworm.

I probably spend £50 a month just on treatments for her and SS which they gratefully use at our house.

My husband is not allowed to use my ensuite bathroom. He has his own down the hall, and he prefers it that way. Using my bathrobe and slippers? Who does that? If there were no other bathtub in the house, I could understand her using yours. But she must use her own bathrobe, towel, and slippers, and ask first. Does she only use it when we are away on a trip because she thinks she can get away with it?

Seriously? Have you had a conversation with your husband about that issue?

I’ve felt sorry for SC before too, but now I just feel sorry for DD and that I’ve let her live with such disrespectful pigs.

Yes, repeatedly

Wow this thread is weird 🙈 I can't believe people get bothered by these things....

And his response?

She can't have been taking much, though, if you haven't noticed your potions going down.

I can understand that you're frustrated, but I think you should wait until you're calm to address it. But perhaps that ship has sailed, since she's gone to her mum's.

This is completely out of order. YANBU.

If they’ve established themselves as disrespectful pigs, then clearly this is an ongoing issue. She knows full well that your en suite is off limits, so to use it and waste your products is taking the absolute piss.

YANBU. Focus on yourself and your child. She’s her father’s problem.

Are you wise in the head?

Would you really want a 13 year old boy using your hard earned product with abandon?

End of the day its not even about the cost of the product, its about boundaries and them not being respected, either by the step child nor the step childs parent

There is so much on this forum about children needing their private space - god forbid we make children share a bedroom, but a step parent, wanting a private space and her own personal belongings?????

Blimey. 😟

Why did you put her in that situation in the first place?

Watching you pretty much support another family, including providing their home. Then letting them live like pigs whilst you are working hard to enable it?

I hate to think of how much $$ you are going to lose extracting yourself from this setup. Still, it will be worth it to show your DD how important it is to know your worth and be strong enough to live it

@EasterEstherEgg OP please just ignore these posters who think it is perfectly ‘normal’ for kids to help themselves to whatever they want & when they have nothing else want to try & make it about her not being your child. This is why we have little demons running around thinking they can do and say anything because of these types of parents. You had 1 non-negotiable not to use your en-suite and that was not acceptable to the SD. So she has been invading your personal space repeatedly and the fact you have posters defending her and seeing nothing wrong with that blatant disrespect tells you everything you need to know about some people. It does sound like you have a much bigger issue than just the SD & I wish you well in resolving that. This ‘arrangement’ seems more suited for your DH & his kids rather than you and your daughter. I guarantee if that was the man being disrespected you would hear all about how he works away working hard to provide a good life for the family and people don’t respect his space his boundaries people would be in support of that. Here there are posters trying to pile on the OP that she needs to chill out and not be the evil stepmother!!!! Why is it so hard for kids to be disciplined at home and taught basic manners and respect?!?

OK, that's different. She can bathe elsewhere so she is clearly doing it to use your stuff. Maybe she wants to feel grown up!

YANBU. She’s not just using your ensuite, she’s going into your private bedroom, taking your robe and slippers out of your wardrobe, and helping herself to your products. That’s a huge breach of privacy, and a 17‑year‑old knows exactly what she’s doing. Your DH is minimising it because it doesn’t affect him, but you’re entitled to boundaries in your own home. Lock your bedroom, move your products, and tell him plainly that this isn’t negotiable. She has her own bathroom, she can use that.

I would insist he reads her the riot act and explain about personal space. Or play her at her own game and go spend some lounging time in her bedroom, making sure she will find you and make it look like you have had a good rifle through her possessions, maybe lounge in her favourite going out outfit or something.

Or, get one of those door alarms for your bedroom and/or bathroom cupboard and don't tell anyone else about it and watch the fall out when it goes off in your absence, They are about £5 on Amazon.

Is it your house? If yes then you call the shots. If not well you don't.