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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ban SD from my en suite?!

695 replies

EasterEstherEgg · 02/07/2026 18:48

I’m fuming!!

When I moved in with DH, an en suite was an essential on my list. I have DD12 and he has SS15 and SD17 and I don’t want to share my personal space with teenagers. They’re also not allowed in our bed.

Have come back from a work trip early to find SD getting out of my bath, with my shampoos, body lotions and creams laid out and my bloody dressing gown and slippers on and apparently she often does this when I’m away!

She - and DH and everyone else - are well aware my en suite is off limits. AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
EasterEstherEgg · 02/07/2026 23:30

There is a bath in the kids’ bathroom and a separate shower, plus another shower in the annex. I buy her her own products (purple stuff for her blonde hair, I buy curly stuff for our child and generic boy stuff he wants for SS). None of the children are allowed in the en suite, not just SD.

She was naked in my bathrobe, she’d just got out the bath and was moisturising her legs with my £50 facial moisturiser.

OP posts:
Original poster
EasterEstherEgg · 02/07/2026 23:33

superspideysense · 02/07/2026 21:17

What is it that you don’t like? Is that they leave a mess or is it that you don’t like them touching your things?

we don’t have banned spaces in our house at the moment. But no teens! So interested to know!

I work hard and am the main earner by a big margin. I sacrifice a lot in my relationship and I think I have earned my own space with my own products.

OP posts:
PeloMom · 02/07/2026 23:34

Did you ask her what did she think she was doing? Does she know she isn’t allowed to go in the ensuite? Did you tell her again and what did she say (apart from her dad knows)?

suki1964 · 02/07/2026 23:35

I kind of get where the op is coming from

Back in the day when me and DH were in our first home, we had just the one bathroom and DSD and DSS thought what was mine was theirs

So I bought a tall cabinet with loads of shelves, DH, Mine, family use and a shelf each for them - and still my things got used

So I moved bits I really didn't want to share ( mature skin products wasted on teens after all ) to my bedroom, and still the kids would use if I wasnt home

Me and DH bought the house together, the steps came to stay/ live with us 10 years into the relationship. So it was always just me and him sharing till then. So for me it was giving up a lot of my privacy and time to strangers really ( the kids lived in a different part of the UK and only visited for holidays )

What really got me was DH would be home if I wasnt, and he either heard or saw the kids in and out of our bedroom and never said a word to them

Now we live in a 3 1/2 bathroom house, the step daughter came to stay with 2 DGC and a DGC's friend, they had two bathrooms between them - two showers, 1 bath and 3 loos, and still I had one come and use my bathroom !!

DimwittedSkater · 02/07/2026 23:36

I think it's actually quite sweet! She clearly looks up to you and wants to be like you when she grows up! She's your step-daughter and almost a young woman, can't she use a few of the nice potions that she can't afford for herself? Or maybe you could take her shopping and buy her some nice potions? Shiseido has a range that's geared to teens, Waso. She doesn't use your bathroom when you're there, so what's the problem? Get her a Lush bath bomb next time you're away and tell her to go wild. You can be mean or you can lean into it.

Flamingcoming · 02/07/2026 23:37

Perhaps they have different rules/use of house at their mum’s. Me and DH have an en-suite. Teen dd and 20yo ds are allowed in there at any time and can use anything they see in there. My dd also is happy for me to go into her room and borrow stuff. I used one of her body sprays today. She was sitting there happily. My ds is actually in my en-suite right now.
that said, if you’ve specifically said very clearly not to, then she’s been rather disrespectful. The dressing gown is the worst part IMO.

Tink3rbell30 · 02/07/2026 23:37

Very weird and uptight. What are people hiding in their bedrooms and bathrooms 😂

Laura95167 · 02/07/2026 23:37

EasterEstherEgg · 02/07/2026 23:30

There is a bath in the kids’ bathroom and a separate shower, plus another shower in the annex. I buy her her own products (purple stuff for her blonde hair, I buy curly stuff for our child and generic boy stuff he wants for SS). None of the children are allowed in the en suite, not just SD.

She was naked in my bathrobe, she’d just got out the bath and was moisturising her legs with my £50 facial moisturiser.

Than SD is completely unreasonable, she could use the other bath and her own products

DimwittedSkater · 02/07/2026 23:38

suki1964 · 02/07/2026 23:35

I kind of get where the op is coming from

Back in the day when me and DH were in our first home, we had just the one bathroom and DSD and DSS thought what was mine was theirs

So I bought a tall cabinet with loads of shelves, DH, Mine, family use and a shelf each for them - and still my things got used

So I moved bits I really didn't want to share ( mature skin products wasted on teens after all ) to my bedroom, and still the kids would use if I wasnt home

Me and DH bought the house together, the steps came to stay/ live with us 10 years into the relationship. So it was always just me and him sharing till then. So for me it was giving up a lot of my privacy and time to strangers really ( the kids lived in a different part of the UK and only visited for holidays )

What really got me was DH would be home if I wasnt, and he either heard or saw the kids in and out of our bedroom and never said a word to them

Now we live in a 3 1/2 bathroom house, the step daughter came to stay with 2 DGC and a DGC's friend, they had two bathrooms between them - two showers, 1 bath and 3 loos, and still I had one come and use my bathroom !!

I guess youngsters just like to use older women's bathrooms and all their good stuff! It's sweet. 🥹

AliceMcK · 02/07/2026 23:40

DimwittedSkater · 02/07/2026 23:36

I think it's actually quite sweet! She clearly looks up to you and wants to be like you when she grows up! She's your step-daughter and almost a young woman, can't she use a few of the nice potions that she can't afford for herself? Or maybe you could take her shopping and buy her some nice potions? Shiseido has a range that's geared to teens, Waso. She doesn't use your bathroom when you're there, so what's the problem? Get her a Lush bath bomb next time you're away and tell her to go wild. You can be mean or you can lean into it.

OP dose buy her stuff and the SD was naked in OPs bathrobe while applying £50 face moisturiser to her legs! My 12yo knows the value of skincare products and what to use where so I’m damm sure a 17yo knows full well and is just using OPs stuff to spite her, nothing about being sweet and looking up to OP.

Ablondiebutagoody · 02/07/2026 23:40

I wouldn't care about this. Your reaction is way OTT

DimwittedSkater · 02/07/2026 23:40

EasterEstherEgg · 02/07/2026 23:30

There is a bath in the kids’ bathroom and a separate shower, plus another shower in the annex. I buy her her own products (purple stuff for her blonde hair, I buy curly stuff for our child and generic boy stuff he wants for SS). None of the children are allowed in the en suite, not just SD.

She was naked in my bathrobe, she’d just got out the bath and was moisturising her legs with my £50 facial moisturiser.

Oh, she shouldn't be using an expensive facial moisturiser for her legs. You wouldn't do that. Maybe she didn't realise how expensive it was.

Original poster
EasterEstherEgg · 02/07/2026 23:41

DimwittedSkater · 02/07/2026 23:36

I think it's actually quite sweet! She clearly looks up to you and wants to be like you when she grows up! She's your step-daughter and almost a young woman, can't she use a few of the nice potions that she can't afford for herself? Or maybe you could take her shopping and buy her some nice potions? Shiseido has a range that's geared to teens, Waso. She doesn't use your bathroom when you're there, so what's the problem? Get her a Lush bath bomb next time you're away and tell her to go wild. You can be mean or you can lean into it.

She doesn’t want a Lush bath bomb, she wants to use my £70 Chanel facial moisturiser as a body lotion. She’s perfectly capable and knows how much it costs. This is a fuck you, to me.

I’m away on international business 2-3 nights a week, away from my own child, to pay for this fucking house and everything that goes with paying 75% of our bills. The least she could do is respect my (very few) boundaries.

OP posts:
Esmeraldathe3rd · 02/07/2026 23:41

Where was your husband while his daughter was wearing your dressing gown and using your expensive toiletries?

If he allows this I'd be more fuming with him. Kids push boundaries, if you let them. He is letting his daughter use your stuff knowing you wouldn't want her to.

He'd be replacing the dressing gown and the moisturiser and anything else she's used. And I'd put a lock on the bathroom. He can now share with the kids since he can't be trusted with access to your stuff.

But honestly I don't see what you're gaining from this. Seems like you're very much taken for a ride here.

Floatingdownriver · 02/07/2026 23:42

This isn’t about space or products. It’s about respect and I hope her dad can see this and instil some in her. It’s really not okay on any level. You being a step mum is irrelevant. An adult set a rule and she isgnkre it by design. This needs followed up.

DimwittedSkater · 02/07/2026 23:42

AliceMcK · 02/07/2026 23:40

OP dose buy her stuff and the SD was naked in OPs bathrobe while applying £50 face moisturiser to her legs! My 12yo knows the value of skincare products and what to use where so I’m damm sure a 17yo knows full well and is just using OPs stuff to spite her, nothing about being sweet and looking up to OP.

Show quote history

At 17, she may not have realised how much that stuff costs. I had no exposure to expensive skincare at all until I was 22 and had a part-time job in a department store while studying. (They had a beauty dept.)

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/07/2026 23:43

It’s more the fact dh knew it was happening and didn’t do or say anything

using costly toiletries - prob a mum thing - mini blondes acquires my stuff and shes 9 !

but no need to use her bath , esp as one in kids bathroom but kore the use of her personal clothes /dressing gown

DimwittedSkater · 02/07/2026 23:45

EasterEstherEgg · 02/07/2026 23:41

She doesn’t want a Lush bath bomb, she wants to use my £70 Chanel facial moisturiser as a body lotion. She’s perfectly capable and knows how much it costs. This is a fuck you, to me.

I’m away on international business 2-3 nights a week, away from my own child, to pay for this fucking house and everything that goes with paying 75% of our bills. The least she could do is respect my (very few) boundaries.

Show quote history

It was 50 pounds a minute ago!

OK, but if what you say is true, I still think the best approach is to kill her with kindness and buy her some nice potions.

At least you know she was clean when she used your dressing gown!

Does she have access to her own bath, or is it all showers in the kids' bathrooms? If yours is the only bath, maybe she just wanted a hot bath.

Original poster
EasterEstherEgg · 02/07/2026 23:47

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/07/2026 23:43

It’s more the fact dh knew it was happening and didn’t do or say anything

using costly toiletries - prob a mum thing - mini blondes acquires my stuff and shes 9 !

but no need to use her bath , esp as one in kids bathroom but kore the use of her personal clothes /dressing gown

He says he didn’t know and was downstairs cooking. He knew SD goes in our bedroom sometimes apparently but didn’t know she takes baths. DD did but didn’t want to get her step sister in trouble.

OP posts:
AliceMcK · 02/07/2026 23:47

DimwittedSkater · 02/07/2026 23:42

At 17, she may not have realised how much that stuff costs. I had no exposure to expensive skincare at all until I was 22 and had a part-time job in a department store while studying. (They had a beauty dept.)

Show quote history

I assure you kids these days know exactly how much skin care costs and brands. Most kids these days have far more expensive products than some of their parents, I know my DDs will save and spend far more on premium products than I ever would and my oldest is only 14yo.

The only way a 17yo girl these days would not understand that a Chanel face cream is not cheap is if they were ND and not at all interested in skincare, in which case they would not be using OPs bathroom and products.

Ladamesansmerci · 02/07/2026 23:47

I wouldn't care tbh, though I can understand why others would! I love Lush products and yeah, I'd find it mildly annoying, but whatever. It would fall under the category or irritating but normal and not worth bothering about for me.

I think I just remember being a teen, and barging into my mum's en suite when she was bathing without a second thought (probably to ask for something, lol), whereas I'd have gone crazy if my mum walked in on me 😂 I also defo used to pinch my mum's socks, make up, lipstick, etc. My parents were pretty strict and I've grown up to be a very polite and normal adult, but teens are gonna teen 😁

If it bothers you that much, get a lock, or hide the stuff you don't want her using.

Original poster
EasterEstherEgg · 02/07/2026 23:49

DimwittedSkater · 02/07/2026 23:45

It was 50 pounds a minute ago!

OK, but if what you say is true, I still think the best approach is to kill her with kindness and buy her some nice potions.

At least you know she was clean when she used your dressing gown!

Does she have access to her own bath, or is it all showers in the kids' bathrooms? If yours is the only bath, maybe she just wanted a hot bath.

Edited
Show quote history

So you can read my posts well enough to cross check the costs, but not the one where I clearly say she has access to another bath?

There were multiple creams laid out, I know she was using a Chanel £70 one as it was on the bed but there were others open in the bathroom.

OP posts:
Original poster
EasterEstherEgg · 02/07/2026 23:50

Ladamesansmerci · 02/07/2026 23:47

I wouldn't care tbh, though I can understand why others would! I love Lush products and yeah, I'd find it mildly annoying, but whatever. It would fall under the category or irritating but normal and not worth bothering about for me.

I think I just remember being a teen, and barging into my mum's en suite when she was bathing without a second thought (probably to ask for something, lol), whereas I'd have gone crazy if my mum walked in on me 😂 I also defo used to pinch my mum's socks, make up, lipstick, etc. My parents were pretty strict and I've grown up to be a very polite and normal adult, but teens are gonna teen 😁

If it bothers you that much, get a lock, or hide the stuff you don't want her using.

Edited

Why the fuck should I put a lock on an internal door in my own home?

OP posts:
SnozPoz · 02/07/2026 23:50

Gees... take a chill pill. And choose your battles. She feels comfortable enough in her relationship with you to do this. That's a massive win. I wouldn't be losing my shit I'd be giving her a hug and a kiss and asking her to ask you next time.

DimwittedSkater · 02/07/2026 23:50

Tink3rbell30 · 02/07/2026 23:37

Very weird and uptight. What are people hiding in their bedrooms and bathrooms 😂

Some people are very weird and uptight! My sister guards her time at home with her family so jealously and is so insistent that anyone outside her husband and young-adult kids changes the dynamic that I seriously wonder if they're secretly naturists!