To ban SD from my en suite?!

[EasterEstherEgg]

I’m fuming!!

When I moved in with DH, an en suite was an essential on my list. I have DD12 and he has SS15 and SD17 and I don’t want to share my personal space with teenagers. They’re also not allowed in our bed.

Have come back from a work trip early to find SD getting out of my bath, with my shampoos, body lotions and creams laid out and my bloody dressing gown and slippers on and apparently she often does this when I’m away!

She - and DH and everyone else - are well aware my en suite is off limits. AIBU?

I think this is part and parcel of living with teenage girls… annoying though. Can you hide the good products and leave our decoys?

I would be mad about this. And I would be putting a lock on the door. Right now

That escalated fast. So now you’re divorcing?

Tbf my own DD would always ask if it was ok to use my more expensive products. She knows their worth financially and would always ask if she can try things. And there is no way she would use facial products on her legs-she is much more self aware anyway that things for face are not for legs…

I wouldn’t be bothered about them using my ensuite while I was away as long as they left it as they found it but we would be having a conversation about using my toiletries/belongings without permission.

But it does come across as though you already don’t like her/ don’t get along with her (justifiably or not we don’t know without further context) and this is just another mark against her.

I must be a nightmare then. I've never even thought twice about using my parents enough suite (if the main bathroom is already in use) I moved out a long time ago, but even now when I visit I'l still do the same, as do my brother's and I help myself to my mum's dressing gown and shampoo(I do have my own slippers there though) I would use her face creams of things like that, but shampoo/body wash is a communal item right ? Or maybe I just have different outlook.
Doesn't bother my mum (at least I don't think so 😆) She will get a 'better' robe out for me if I've taken an old one amd offers me toiletries she's been gifted but doesn't think she will use, or thinks I will like.

But would you lavish Chanel face cream on your legs?

Jesus are you really going to lie on your death bed thinking ggrrr, that effing little madam used some expensive moisturiser or shampoo. Thats your priority in life?

What does your hubby say about this did he know it was happening ? If so he’d get read the riot act first .

Twens especially girls are very entitled my twins would regularly take and use my expensive makeup until I bought a lockable cupboard .

get a lock on the door and the back up of your hubby

Sorry I just noticed my typo there I meant to type 'i wouldn't use her face creams and things' I think anything that would be contaminated, like make up if off limits, unless it's been offered. But regular day to day items I don't think twice about. Same in my own home, happy for people to use whatever is sitting out.
I do borrow her expensive perfume if we are going out (she prefers Aldi's moisturisers) But I probably bought her the bottle anyway and gives me a good way of knowing if she will need a new one soon 🤣

And would you be using your mums expensive face cream as a body moisturiser on your legs? I think not. I’m not precious about products being used as they should be but face cream on legs? By an older teenager? There is not way on earth that they don’t know that is not to be done

I would be less upset if she did it while I was home. Then, one could perhaps say it was an innocent mistake. But sneaking in while I was away? She knows better. She did it deliberately to prove a point—using my bathrobe and slippers and putting my expensive face cream on her legs. I could imagine this as a scene in a movie to show that the nanny is not as nice as she appears (e.g., The Hand That Rocks the Cradle).

It’s not just about having an en-suite. OP stipulated before moving the 2 families in together that if they were doing it she wanted her own personal space away from the teenagers in the form of an en-suite. This was agreed and all teenagers hers and step were told of the boundaries. OP also put up the bulk of the deposit and pays 75% of household costs for her and her DD as opposed to her DP who pays 25% for him and his 2 children.

Between 3 teenagers they have 1 bathroom with bath and separate shower, 1 extra toilet & 1 extra shower, OP also buys them their own personal products to suit their needs. There is absolutely no need for any of the teens to use OPs personal space.

It’s about boundaries and disrespect.

I’m pretty sure she has. But anyway in what way does ‘you may not use the ensuite’ become use my bath, wear my clothes and use my expensive creams that I’ve worked and paid for?

It’s not the bath, though that’s irritating enough given there are other bathrooms. It’s being where you were specifically told not to be and theft and the dressing gown weirdness.

Yes if they wanted it. I’d make sure they understood it was ‘special’ or explained age-appropriately. I don’t keep nice stuff my myself or my husband just because we are the adults. What message is that giving? If something’s good enough for me then they can have some. I can only afford Loreal at the minute and I’m happy to share. Genuinely though, what are you trying to teach kids? We tell them to share but we don’t?

It’s not the bath.

All i can say is this wouldn't be unexpected for a teen to revoke boundaries. They will understand when they have their own en suites but many can be selfish and not abide by the rules they deem as stupid.

And your expensive creams are theirs too?

The stepdaughter that was deliberately where she was told not to be, using products that weren’t hers and wearing someone else’s clothes?
The medical stuff is pretty grim and for that, poor girl.

Imagine thinking you can ban a family member from part of her house.

Also, ensuite = toilet in a cupboard.

Without knowing what the relationships are like, it’s hard to comment. I don’t think I would mind use of the en suite. But I wouldn’t be happy at use of products of wearing my dressing gown. Unless, you have a close relationship and she really looks up to you - in which case it’s sort of sweet.

It's her house, of course she can!!

Imagine thinking she can’t. It’s her house.

What message is that giving? That their parents are entitled to their luxuries, as well as private areas. I don’t think it’s great to teach kids that they are (or that anyone is) always obliged to share, or to expect it as something they’re entitled to from others. There’s nothing wrong with people having things for themselves. The idea that everything in a family needs to be communal property is frankly grim.

Besides, she has parents to buy her Chanel moisturizer if they want her to have it. Neither of which is OP.