To ban SD from my en suite?!

[EasterEstherEgg]

I’m fuming!!

When I moved in with DH, an en suite was an essential on my list. I have DD12 and he has SS15 and SD17 and I don’t want to share my personal space with teenagers. They’re also not allowed in our bed.

Have come back from a work trip early to find SD getting out of my bath, with my shampoos, body lotions and creams laid out and my bloody dressing gown and slippers on and apparently she often does this when I’m away!

She - and DH and everyone else - are well aware my en suite is off limits. AIBU?

You and husband need to sit down first, and be absolutely clear about the boundaries. Then you both should sit together with this girl and explain the boundaries again to her. This should be done together and at a calm moment. No access - its private - no use of products and do not ever touch your clothes. I have this problem here at home, and it really drives me wild. It's the lack of respect and constantly pushing at perfectly reasonable boundaries. I have in fact fitted locks to all four bedrooms, and if we are away, in case she turns up unexpectedly, she will not be able to get in without asking. You have to be cruel to be kind? Or at least very, very clear as to right and wrong. I have had clothes and shoes thrown away out of spite as well as my things being moved, borrowed or taken. Apparently it's me haha. But a united front and clear joint messages should help. Good luck.

Seems really odd anybody would want to wear somebody else's bathrobe - that screams unhygienic/ icky. Why wouldn't she have brought her own?

Are there conflicts over the kids' bathroom? Does it have an internal lock so they can have privacy? Is there reasonable pressure in the shower? Does it need an 'upgrade' now the kids are older?

Worth exploring explanations that aren't step-daughter-is-behaving-horribly

If you are going to divorce try to protect your ex step-daughter - it's not her fault if your relationship with her dad breaks down. She's responsible for what she did, which looks like it was behaving badly, doing something she'd been told not to do, but not for anything else.

I’d be upset and would have to stop myself getting angry because I know a total ban on something makes it more attractive and intriguing.

She needs a few conversations with you about personal space and what exactly it is about your ensuite and products and dressing gown that makes her want to disregard the wishes of somebody she shares a house with., - only to really upset them. She needs another full-on explanation of the meaning ‘invasion of privacy’ and where this concept is a serious issue in the work place, community and society in general.

Ask her….would she do that to friends or when she goes to uni or when she is house sharing with others. Tell her there has to be rules for everybody in any household to respect and follow, and to expect the same from others, for her own personal security and well being. And she is now old enough to understand the concept of privacy in a shared living space along with the consequences should the rules be broken.
Tell her it just isn’t decent or the done thing to go delving into the belongings of others, or to use the bathroom assigned to somebody else when she already has one assigned to her. And she should now be adult enough to understand that without having to be reminded yet again.

Is it bollocks

It's a place where you learn to respect other peoples' stuff

Enjoy your mess, H and SD free existence. They were both out of order.

You have to suck it up. The young girls are the princesses, we are the old queens

WTF? An obsession? Oh come off it, stop with the massive exaggeration. Are you one of those parents whose kids rule the roost? You're allowed to have boundaries you know, keep some things for yourself. What's happened in your life that you think you can't have your own things or space?

You'd buy Chanel lotions for your children?

They learn that's something they can have when they're earning their own money

Is the SD otherwise a nice sister to your daughter?
I would not be tolerating SC beeing a pain to my child. I did leave relationship because of it.

It's just downright aggressive - territorial would be the SD marking her own territory, not OP's.

Even if she has just landed from another planet and has no idea how pricey Chanel products are, using a face cream on legs is ridiculous.

Jesus Christ.

Exactly. No, my daughter doesn’t need my lovely luxurious toiletries. She has perfectly good toiletries she can use and if she wants fancy ones when she has a job she can buy them.

Funny story! I can understand your kid's logic that it would be harder for the dog to escape since your bathroom is smaller, but I am not sure your dog has sophisticated enough taste to appreciate the Elemis body wash.

To keep the SD out.

“She was naked in my bathrobe, she’d just got out the bath and was moisturising her legs with my £50 facial moisturiser.”- This is totally disrespectful. I wouldn’t have too much of an issue if she cleaned the bath etc but not using your products and robe. How have you not noticed? I’d be livid.
If no lock on the door, I’d be getting a lockable safe for my products!

You could have anything in there, prescription drugs or what have you. She shouldn’t be in there and you are entitled to your privacy.

Me too. Cheeky little mare!

I would be absolutely furious! Deliberately using your things when they know you have asked them not to. Hugely invading your privacy. I would be incandescent. Maybe that’s the wrong thing to admit, but it’s the truth! I’m really sorry for you. Other people’s children are always going to be problematic but this beats everything!

yup, if she did it in a house share, they would rip her a new one.

So you're ok with broken trust, disregarded boundaries and theft, before we start on the weirdness of wearing someone else's gown and slippers? Good to know.

Weird.

Same could be said of DSD.

Sounds like this is the straw that broke the camels back op . I understand i frustrated and fed up you must be. Time to split i think and gain back your privacy and piece of mind .

You don't find it strange? Also £70 cream as leg moisturiser. You are wealthy indeed.

Had a similar issue at work where 6 male team used my office for weekend meetings - its a real territorial move.. at the very least, just disrespectful

What other people feel about this is totally irrelevant. The SD was given clear, firm and extremely reasonable boundaries and she infringed them massively. Time for a talking to and a punishment.

Why should they need to? No doubt they have their own nice things. I'd be livid.