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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ban SD from my en suite?!

696 replies

EasterEstherEgg · 02/07/2026 18:48

I’m fuming!!

When I moved in with DH, an en suite was an essential on my list. I have DD12 and he has SS15 and SD17 and I don’t want to share my personal space with teenagers. They’re also not allowed in our bed.

Have come back from a work trip early to find SD getting out of my bath, with my shampoos, body lotions and creams laid out and my bloody dressing gown and slippers on and apparently she often does this when I’m away!

She - and DH and everyone else - are well aware my en suite is off limits. AIBU?

OP posts:
Jackiepumpkinhead · 03/07/2026 17:47

You’re not being unreasonable, OP. Ignore the batshit ‘I’m so kind and better than you’ comments. Feels like a ‘fuck you’ from your step daughter.

2O26 · 03/07/2026 17:49

geminicancerean · 03/07/2026 09:47

As much as I know SD is in the wrong, and I would be annoyed too, I have very vivid memories of gleefully swiping my mum’s Pond’s Cold Cream, Oil of Ulay moisturising lotion and squirting myself head to toe in her Anais Anais perfume so… yeah… maybe it’s a good thing that SD feels close enough to you to want to use your stuff?

"maybe it’s a good thing that SD feels close enough to you to want to use your stuff?" It could be the case If she did this when OP was around, but she only does it when OP is away.

MMUmum · 03/07/2026 17:55

EasterEstherEgg · 02/07/2026 18:48

I’m fuming!!

When I moved in with DH, an en suite was an essential on my list. I have DD12 and he has SS15 and SD17 and I don’t want to share my personal space with teenagers. They’re also not allowed in our bed.

Have come back from a work trip early to find SD getting out of my bath, with my shampoos, body lotions and creams laid out and my bloody dressing gown and slippers on and apparently she often does this when I’m away!

She - and DH and everyone else - are well aware my en suite is off limits. AIBU?

Make it much less attractive, no toiletries left out if you are not there, lock them away along with your dressing gown, slippers and anything else that might be fair game to her, like lovely jammies

Pessismistic · 03/07/2026 17:55

Hi op sounds like a dh problem tbh. He will have known about it. Otherwise he may have walked in on her so I bet she told him. Op if you split who takes care of your dd when you away? They obviously don’t respect you or the home you provide so let them all go live like pigs elsewhere.

AliceMcK · 03/07/2026 18:00

Anonycat · 03/07/2026 17:21

Blimey. You don’t have to be ND to be uninterested in and/or unknowledgeable about the price of (ludicrously expensive) skincare products, you know! You just need to be more interested in more worthwhile things in life.

Edited

I knew someone would have to make this comment 🙄

I would be very very surprised if any 17yo NT girl these days, even one not into “ludicrously expensive” skincare products didn’t know Chanel was expensive and not to touch someone else’s Chanel products.

QueenietheGreat · 03/07/2026 18:04

@EasterEstherEgg
Put a lock on the door and keep it's key on your person
And calculate the cost of what toiletries she's used so far
And charge her for them
Also
Give her a really really good talking to
Stating you'll not be taken advantage of
Friend of mine had the same problem
And SD wasn't just using toiletries but helping herself to outfits jewellery etc whilst going through her drawers wardrobes
And she even discovered the time she'd been abroad
She'd partaken of the double bed with then boyfriend
Just saying
I'd seriously watch her if I were you
Lacking respect/boundaries right there

NotThisShitAgain121 · 03/07/2026 18:04

Get your DH to have a stern word with her

Nettie1964 · 03/07/2026 18:07

I had step kids but they were both really nice kids. I would be fuming if it happened to me. You put a boundary in place end of. Your husband knew and he let it happen which is so disrespectful.

Beachtastic · 03/07/2026 18:08

Sensiblesal · 03/07/2026 13:17

Really thats what you get?

Op calls her husband and step children disrespectful pigs. Indicates the mothers home is nowhere near as nice (nits/ringworm)

The OP clearly sees her husband and hia children as lower class to her.

everyone missing the point that DH knew she was using the ensuite so therefore allowed it/gave permission, its his ensuite too or does he get no say either

the thread is not even about the step daughter, its about the OP’s resentment towards her husband and his family & the fact she feels she made a mistake marrying him

I don't fucking blame her 🤷🏻‍♀️

GlitteryRainbow · 03/07/2026 18:10

KnittyNell · 02/07/2026 19:03

It wouldn’t bother me in the slightest.
Hardly the crime of the century.

Exactly. OP is lucky she doesn’t have anything more serious to worry about.

My son uses the shower in my en suite. I’m just glad he’s showering. The only time it’s an issue is if I don’t know he’s in there and he comes out whilst I’m changing. That’s a rare occurrence.

Whettlettuce · 03/07/2026 18:11

EasterEstherEgg · 02/07/2026 23:41

She doesn’t want a Lush bath bomb, she wants to use my £70 Chanel facial moisturiser as a body lotion. She’s perfectly capable and knows how much it costs. This is a fuck you, to me.

I’m away on international business 2-3 nights a week, away from my own child, to pay for this fucking house and everything that goes with paying 75% of our bills. The least she could do is respect my (very few) boundaries.

I can see why you're annoyed, I would be too. You pay the majority of household expenses and you can't even have your nice stuff just for you or your en suite as a personal space . What does your husband contribute to his biological children from from his previous relationship? Because if you're doing the majority of the heavy lifting in that area too id be rethinking things . If he doesn't back you up with regards to his children respecting boundaries then I would be of the mind hes just using you to get a better quality of life and a nanny with a fanny and nurse with a purse . How's the relationship in other ways op ?

NotTodayPhyllis · 03/07/2026 18:12

0Thatsplenty0 · 03/07/2026 13:00

The martyrdom on this thread is hilarious. 😂

Who in their right mind would allow someone to waste their £70 facial moisturiser and then say "ah how sweet of her"? What are you all teaching your teenagers? Mine are absolutely banned from wasting my stuff, they have their own things. They can borrow mine if they ask but not my expensive things.

Some of these comments show that some women don’t feel they can have anything for themselves unless they are also buying for everyone else or sharing everything.

There are multiple comments calling OP horrible, selfish and ridiculous because she has the tenacity to buy herself something she expects to just use herself and not share it with the whole family.

A pp was “horrified” that OP is so “selfish” to buy expensive skincare said “if it’s good enough for her it’s good enough for everybody”
apparently this is a new way to be selfish 😆.

People are insistent she should be taking her SD for a spa day or buying her some of her own expensive products as a consolation for not being able to help herself to OP’s and multiple people are “confused” as to why OP isn’t happy to have everything “communal” and wants her own private space and use of her own things she works hard for.

When did attitudes change so much that kids and teens must always be equal?

I remember growing up and being told to stay out of my mums room and to not use her perfume, skincare and make up or any toiletries. She bought me my own cheaper stuff but that’s almost classed as child abuse now and women get slated if they don’t work to provide the same luxury items for their children.

I’ve seen threads on here with people disgusted that parents ordered a takeaway after their kids had gone to bed and the OP was called names for not ordering it earlier and getting the same for the kids.

There are so many threads about kids sharing rooms and saying how terrible it is and how the OP needs to move or shouldn’t have had children.
Apparently you shouldn’t even consider having children if they would have their childhood destroyed by sharing with a sibling.

Not everyone can afford to buy luxuries for the whole family and the adults are working hard and it seems silly they go without treats if their children aren’t included.
In the past the attitude was that kids can grow up and have their own money to buy nice things.

It is very much an attitude of martyrdom and seems a bit sad that some women think they aren’t worth anything just for themselves.

I have friends who use basic skincare and makeup and wear the same clothes from primark or supermarkets day in and day out whilst their kids wear designer clothes and have decent makeup, expensive shampoo and conditioner, skincare products and coats that cost hundreds of pounds.
Their kids just expect it and my friend’s daughter laughs at her mums appearance and seems oblivious that she can’t afford nice things for herself as she spends all her wages on her.

I wonder if some of the women who have called OP names on here and told her to move out of her house (that she mostly pays for) understand what boundaries are and if they have any themselves?

It would be a separate issue if OP was denying her SD use of the only bath in the house and refusing to share something like toothpaste or generic shampoo but the SD has access to her own bath and her own products.
Kids needs come first but their wants don’t come before adults and shouldn’t always be equal.
At 17 I had a job and bought my own treats and would have been pissed off if my mum had come and helped herself to them so it should go both ways. It’s about respect not entitlement.

axolotlfloof · 03/07/2026 18:15

Perhaps living with other people isn't for you.
Sometimes we need to compromise and accept an obsession with products isn't normal.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 03/07/2026 18:15

Frankly it sounds to me as though neither your husband nor your step children respect you and will minimise your rage at being taken for granted.

It is sounding like the straw that broke the camels back but whether in accumulation the issues are marriage ending you can only answer.

One solution is that the step children do not visit when you are travelling for work and do not have house keys. Depends on the custody arrangements in place though.

BruFord · 03/07/2026 18:16

ICantChoose · 03/07/2026 00:02

Wow this thread is weird 🙈 I can't believe people get bothered by these things....

I can, @ICantChoose. My DD (21) has been known to use my products lavishly and I don't appreciate it either. Especially more expensive items (mainly for anti-aging!) that she absolutely doesn't need.

@EasterEstherEgg There are clearly bigger issues at play here, but for now, what I'd do is put your products in a locked cupboard. The en-suite will be far less appealing without your products to experiment with.

Beachtastic · 03/07/2026 18:18

The trouble is that a locked cupboard/en-suite is not going to solve the problem of OP's stepdaughter acting out these outrageous aggressive insults and DH doing nothing to protect her from that, or from his kids' general mayhem.

linelgreen · 03/07/2026 18:19

I banned our kids from the en-suite many years ago when I found them bathing the dog with my Elemis body wash!!! Their excuse as it was smaller than the main bathroom is was harder for him to escape!

BruFord · 03/07/2026 18:20

axolotlfloof · 03/07/2026 18:15

Perhaps living with other people isn't for you.
Sometimes we need to compromise and accept an obsession with products isn't normal.

@axolotlfloof Do you think that the SD would be OK with the OP rooting around her stuff and using whatever she likes, whenever she feels like it?

If that happened, I think everyone would be saying that it's a massive invasion of the SD's privacy, you shouldn't root around in teenager's bedrooms/en-suites/cupboards, etc. I don't think it's any different for a parent than a teenager tbh.

newlegendsfan · 03/07/2026 18:21

It sounds quite weirdly territorial of the 17-year-old!

For me using the bathroom would be ok so long as it was left as it was found - but wearing the bathrobe is weird and using the products is stealing.

NotTodayPhyllis · 03/07/2026 18:21

axolotlfloof · 03/07/2026 18:15

Perhaps living with other people isn't for you.
Sometimes we need to compromise and accept an obsession with products isn't normal.

I don’t believe anyone could miss the point this much and think you just wrote this comment to be contrary and go against the majority opinion.

How has OP not compromised when she works to pay for a big house so her SD has access to a bathroom with a bath and buys her products suitable for her?

Where did you get “obsession” from?

MadCatHag · 03/07/2026 18:22

ICantChoose · 03/07/2026 00:02

Wow this thread is weird 🙈 I can't believe people get bothered by these things....

I can't believe anyone wouldn't be bothered by the deceit and disrespect this girl is demonstrating. I'd be banning her from my house.

Sharptonguedwoman · 03/07/2026 18:23

Indianajet · 02/07/2026 19:05

I really wouldn't mind her using my ensuite (if I had either a stepdaughter or an ensuite).
Not something I would fall out about .

And the clothes and lotions etc?

Sharptonguedwoman · 03/07/2026 18:25

axolotlfloof · 03/07/2026 18:15

Perhaps living with other people isn't for you.
Sometimes we need to compromise and accept an obsession with products isn't normal.

It's not the products it's the breaking of trust, walking roughshod over boundaries and downright weird wearing someone else's dressing gown and slippers.

0Thatsplenty0 · 03/07/2026 18:26

Wingingit73 · 03/07/2026 16:48

You sound awful. I used to love using mums things. It felt like a luxury. Ive never known a family not allow their children to use a specific bathroom. Strangers yes but not children of the house

The 17 year old has her own bathroom to use. What a luxury and yet it still wasn't enough for her. What is so awful about providing teenagers with their own bathrooms?

GardenAnarchist · 03/07/2026 18:27

NotTodayPhyllis · 03/07/2026 18:12

Some of these comments show that some women don’t feel they can have anything for themselves unless they are also buying for everyone else or sharing everything.

There are multiple comments calling OP horrible, selfish and ridiculous because she has the tenacity to buy herself something she expects to just use herself and not share it with the whole family.

A pp was “horrified” that OP is so “selfish” to buy expensive skincare said “if it’s good enough for her it’s good enough for everybody”
apparently this is a new way to be selfish 😆.

People are insistent she should be taking her SD for a spa day or buying her some of her own expensive products as a consolation for not being able to help herself to OP’s and multiple people are “confused” as to why OP isn’t happy to have everything “communal” and wants her own private space and use of her own things she works hard for.

When did attitudes change so much that kids and teens must always be equal?

I remember growing up and being told to stay out of my mums room and to not use her perfume, skincare and make up or any toiletries. She bought me my own cheaper stuff but that’s almost classed as child abuse now and women get slated if they don’t work to provide the same luxury items for their children.

I’ve seen threads on here with people disgusted that parents ordered a takeaway after their kids had gone to bed and the OP was called names for not ordering it earlier and getting the same for the kids.

There are so many threads about kids sharing rooms and saying how terrible it is and how the OP needs to move or shouldn’t have had children.
Apparently you shouldn’t even consider having children if they would have their childhood destroyed by sharing with a sibling.

Not everyone can afford to buy luxuries for the whole family and the adults are working hard and it seems silly they go without treats if their children aren’t included.
In the past the attitude was that kids can grow up and have their own money to buy nice things.

It is very much an attitude of martyrdom and seems a bit sad that some women think they aren’t worth anything just for themselves.

I have friends who use basic skincare and makeup and wear the same clothes from primark or supermarkets day in and day out whilst their kids wear designer clothes and have decent makeup, expensive shampoo and conditioner, skincare products and coats that cost hundreds of pounds.
Their kids just expect it and my friend’s daughter laughs at her mums appearance and seems oblivious that she can’t afford nice things for herself as she spends all her wages on her.

I wonder if some of the women who have called OP names on here and told her to move out of her house (that she mostly pays for) understand what boundaries are and if they have any themselves?

It would be a separate issue if OP was denying her SD use of the only bath in the house and refusing to share something like toothpaste or generic shampoo but the SD has access to her own bath and her own products.
Kids needs come first but their wants don’t come before adults and shouldn’t always be equal.
At 17 I had a job and bought my own treats and would have been pissed off if my mum had come and helped herself to them so it should go both ways. It’s about respect not entitlement.

Very well said!

My only point of disagreement is that I don't actually believe some of these generously "kind" hyper-martyred communal-everything boundaryless posters. They're just typing virtue signalling nonsense on the internet.

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