To ban SD from my en suite?!

[EasterEstherEgg]

I’m fuming!!

When I moved in with DH, an en suite was an essential on my list. I have DD12 and he has SS15 and SD17 and I don’t want to share my personal space with teenagers. They’re also not allowed in our bed.

Have come back from a work trip early to find SD getting out of my bath, with my shampoos, body lotions and creams laid out and my bloody dressing gown and slippers on and apparently she often does this when I’m away!

She - and DH and everyone else - are well aware my en suite is off limits. AIBU?

Really thats what you get?

Op calls her husband and step children disrespectful pigs. Indicates the mothers home is nowhere near as nice (nits/ringworm)

The OP clearly sees her husband and hia children as lower class to her.

everyone missing the point that DH knew she was using the ensuite so therefore allowed it/gave permission, its his ensuite too or does he get no say either

the thread is not even about the step daughter, its about the OP’s resentment towards her husband and his family & the fact she feels she made a mistake marrying him

The husband doesn't have the right to give his DD permission to use the OP's things though does he??

Then the step kids don’t come to your house while you are away as you can’t trust them and the CF thief - as that’s what it is stealing taking something that doesn’t belong to you! - is nearly an adult so she knows full well what she’s doing! This would be me ending my marriage frankly! Get your husband and his spawn out of your house!!

She did make a mistake marrying him.
He knew his dd was going into their bedroom, what did he think she was doing in there.
Sd's toiletries etc would be in her bedroom or the family bathroom, she had no business going into the ensuite.

YANBU!!!!!

DSD stole my false tan from our en-suite recently. I know it seems like a small thing, but she is also regularly ‘borrowing’ DDs products and clothes too.

It wasn’t a cheap one either - I have an expensive one for if we are going somewhere nice and then cheaper ones that are ‘daily’ ones. She took the expensive one and used it all!!

I’ve literally had to move all my nice products back into our room and hide them.

God knows what else she has taken that I haven’t noticed yet - I only noticed because we were actually going somewhere nice, couldn’t locate it and I ended up having to use my cheap one and smelt like biscuits all night. I was not best pleased!!! Found the empty bottle in her room a few days later.

I told DP - he was completely on my side and has dealt with it. Although I do not trust her to not take things in future.

DP should be firm with you on this - if she needs a bathrobe, slippers, products etc, he needs to buy some for her for her own use.

Yes I would be annoyed op. Quite brazen isnt it! Does she not buy her own stuff.

Well done to your husband for actually dealing with it!

Whats the thinking behind it, do you reckon?

A. I didn’t know I wasn’t allowed to use it (genuinely thinks this)?
B. I really wanted to use it and just hoped you wouldn’t find out?
C. I wanted to use it, knew I wasn’t allowed, knew it was expensive and don’t care what you think?

or something else?!

Sounds like the issue is you are subsidising the whole household and they can’t be bothered to show respect and take it for granted. I suspect your husband is going for plausible deniability so he didn’t have to get involved. Do you also pay for treats, clubs etc for SD? If so, maybe stop that for a couple of weeks? Did she apologise? Teenagers aren’t generally very gracious when in the wrong ..

Fuck that. I’d hate it!

The attitude on here to the OP because it's a step child is amazing. It doesn't matter if it's a step child. If she was her own daughter she doesn't have the right to enter the parents bedroom unless she asks and certainly should not be taking bathroom items that are personal to the OP. My daughters are not allowed take my items, honestly if they run out of shampoo from their room I don't mind if they take it from mine, they are supposed to ask, but I'd be really pissed off if they took something special without asking. And yes of course they've sneaked into my room and tried on my clothes and all sorts over the years.

And just because some mothers on here don't mind their daughters using their bathrooms, that doesn't apply to others, so have respect for our wishes.

I'd be enraged by the disrespect and deception. Boundary trampling. I might not mind someone using the en suite while I was away—if they treated it with care and left it as they found it. However, she certainly doesn't need to use your toiletries, dressing gown, and slippers. I'm surprised she wants to use someone else's dressing gown, honestly. There's a certain 'ew factor' there.

I had a feeling this might be the case .

So sorry, OP.

Maybe that was SD's plan all along. I'd leave too, it will not improve.

You sound awful. I used to love using mums things. It felt like a luxury. Ive never known a family not allow their children to use a specific bathroom. Strangers yes but not children of the house

So she can use her mums things then. OP isn’t her mum 🙄.

Sounds long overdue, personally...

Get moving on getting the disrespectful users out...

Blimey. You don’t have to be ND to be uninterested in and/or unknowledgeable about the price of (ludicrously expensive) skincare products, you know! You just need to be more interested in more worthwhile things in life.

THIS!

and anyone who says otherwise is a martyr. Or just being plain disingenuous.

“The OP clearly sees her husband and hia children as lower class to her.”

Sounds like they are.

“the thread is not even about the step daughter, its about the OP’s resentment towards her husband and his family & the fact she feels she made a mistake marrying him“

Also sounds like she has every reason to.

“everyone missing the point that DH knew she was using the ensuite so therefore allowed it/gave permission, its his ensuite too or does he get no say either”

I would imagine he got a say when they agreed on the ground rules when they bought the house. If he wanted that rule to change, and OP hasn’t said that he does, then he owed OP at least a conversation about it before taking it upon himself to allow his daughter to use it. He certainly isn’t entitled to give his child permission to use OP’s personal property.

@Wingingit73

OP isn’t her mum.

But she is a child of the household yes? Albeit a scummy, lower class one.

Well, she was.

She’s someone who knows she’s not permitted to use that bathroom, or OP’s personal things. If OP’s 12 year old can manage to follow that simple instruction, then the 17 year old has no excuse.

Totally. It’s really fine to want some space for you and to not allow your kids to help themselves to your things. I am quite suprised by people having no issue with it, I totally would and do, I have a daughter and it’s just not ok for her to help herself to my stuff without asking, it’s entirely disrespectful and entitled

I apologise that I haven't read all the posts. I would be furious. This shows a complete lack of respect from your husband and SD. You have a real issue here. If your husband knew that the ensuite was off limits he should have told his daughter in no uncertain terms that she was not allowed to use it. Your wishes would apparently count for nothing. Once trust has been lost, it cannot easily be regained.

Exactly! Well said.