To ban SD from my en suite?!

[EasterEstherEgg]

I’m fuming!!

When I moved in with DH, an en suite was an essential on my list. I have DD12 and he has SS15 and SD17 and I don’t want to share my personal space with teenagers. They’re also not allowed in our bed.

Have come back from a work trip early to find SD getting out of my bath, with my shampoos, body lotions and creams laid out and my bloody dressing gown and slippers on and apparently she often does this when I’m away!

She - and DH and everyone else - are well aware my en suite is off limits. AIBU?

Put a lock on your bedroom door, lock it when you go away.

It’s because it involves a stepchild. Bends should thus always be made backwards and any behaviour at all, good or bad, is to be cherished that they are at least acknowledging you.

Not sure her H will appreciate not being able to use his own bedroom

Yes 100%, step mums can't win on MN (and I am not a step mum, for clarity!) and I bet if op was showering step daughter with her expensive creams then someone would be complaining about her lack of boundaries and how she's leaving all the hard work of that to mum.

Your updates explain why this was so anger provoking for you. Sounds like it was the last straw for you.

I think you should spilt up. Sounds like they’re living the good life while you suffer for it.

I wouldn't have an issue with the en-suite being used but I would be livid, if a child (regardless if biological or step) had been using my expensive creams/lotions and wearing my robe. That's most definitely an invasion of privacy and she hasn't asked either. It's a lack of respect and boundaries.
At 17 your step-daughter is perfectly aware what she's doing.

You have a huge husband problem, because he should be parenting his children. He knew his daughter 'goes into the bedroom sometimes'. My question to her, as her parent, would be Why? Why does she need to go into your bedroom??? There's nothing of hers in the bedroom, so she has no need to be in there!!

I can't believe the number of posters who are 'horrified' that the OP is upset her expensive stuff is being abused. It's not really relevant!!! What's relevant here is that the OP's boundaries are being seriously breeched and her DH is very lax about it because it's not his hard earned cash that is being wasted.

I have no skin routine/creams etc and I'm not into makeup of any sort! But whether you are or aren't is irrelevant! OP's boundaries are being bashed and DH is doing absolutely bugger all to stop HIS child from doing harm.

You have a massive DH problem here and he's obviously a cocklodger.

Good luck.

He'd have a key ,obvoiusly.

Whats good enough for me is good enough for everyone in the house. We share.

its intersting....how often on MN that the AIBU is in fact the last straw. Sounds like its ducks in a rown time OP

Then let them use it. Shared interests bring people together

That’s your choice. Not everything, including rooms in a house, is required to be considered communal property. Most people, except possibly the most ardent of communists, do like having some things for themselves.

The SD is fully aware that the en suite is not hers to use, and nor are her stepmother’s belongings are not hers to help herself to. All she needed to do was respect that.

I’d tell SD if she considers you’re that familiar, she won’t mind you rummaging through her bedroom drawers & private stuff whilst she’s out. See what she makes of that.

Or maybe this is just the straw that broke the camels back. Op has already stated she comes back from work trips and house is a mess etc. She buys both her own DD and SD their own specific toiletries. She has to medicate both the SC for nits and ringworm.... where is DH, their father in all this?

Its a basic lack of disrespect. She has her own bathrobe and lotions to use. Her own daughter abides by the rules.

Op I would seriously consider putting a padlock on the door when you are away. DH can share with the kids if its not such a big issue to him.

Well I wouldn’t want to have two teenagers using Channel products at that price.
Esp as theyre unlikely to fully appreciate the cost - knowing the price of the face cream furcexamole doesn’t mean they realise how often you replace it agd how much it costs each month.

Some stuff are luxury items that you don’t share. And it’s fine to do so.

But more to the point, nothing says you have to share EVERYTHING with everyone in the family.
It’s ok to not want to share your underwear, your clothes, your shoes, your fountain pen etc etc… the OP doesn’t want to share the bathroom agd her beauty products. That’s fine too.

So I hadn't read the full thread when I did my reply
I apologise
I think this goes deeper than your nice expensive creams
And you are the main earner by 75 %
Your job takes you away from your little girl two or more nights a week ,
When you come home there's frequently a mess
You feel disrespected in your own home by your step daughter using your expensive creams on her legs and disrespected by your husband,who knew she was frequently using your creams bath and clothes.
Also your upset to come home to a mess , leaving you feeling taken for granted by a husband,who if he can't earn enough to pay half ,should at least keep the house your paying for clean and tidy ,and at least control his daughter and keep her out of your things
You feel angry he is with his daughter and yours leaving a mess in the home that you pay for by being away from your own daughter.
So ,yes it's not fair ,and I'd be angry with DH to .
Do you think DH will change and step up ?
Is it worth having a conversation about expectations?
Or have you just reached the end of your tether with them both

I totally get it and it would make me absolutely furious too. Clearly you don’t treat yourself to very expensive facial treatments which generally come in very small pots for teenagers to use on their bodies. And clearly she knows it too or she wouldn’t be doing it sneakily when she thinks the coast is clear.
if DH doesn’t understand that this is an important boundary for you then you have a DH problem.

I'd be livid too OP. And this isn't the same as a one-off use of products for their intended useage because you are away or whatever. Its a piss take that I suspect is the straw that broke the camels back in a catalogue of piss takes.

Considering the state this grown man feels it’s okay to leave the toilet in, I absolutely can.

You're clearly better than all of us

Unless DH is expected to babysit 17yo all the time, 17yo will most likely find times to use the bathroom when DH isn’t around.

17yo should have more respect for boundaries, but it’s like toddlers and tantrums - pushing boundaries is what they do. As she’s demonstrated she can’t be trusted in this way,
OP needs to do the equivalent of carrying the screaming toddler out of the supermarket. At least a lock on the door doesn’t have everyone staring…

Bet you still have some boundaries in place! Things that teenagers push against and need reinforcement by their parents. That's part of being a decent parent. OP's boundaries happen to be different to yours. So what?! Boundaries still need reinforcing!!

I had all this shit with sd

Shed use all my products (in one case she used all the razors I'd bought and shrugged when I went loony about it,I buy in bulk and nobody should be going through 60 razors in 3 weeks)

She'd use half a bottle of bedhead shampoo (they are massive bottles) each hair wash and look tell me to 'buy some more' when I called her out on it (nobody needs to use that much shampoo)

She used a full tub of dark angels face scrub and laughed when I went to use it (I don't use expensive products but lush used to be a massive treat and I only bought it as we where near one that was 200 miles away from home,so not like i could nip out and buy more-i now avoid lush thanks to their woke views)

She'd wear and tear my tights (£7/8 a pair from better tights) and laugh when I went to wear them,finding them ruined

I had a massive dp problem (he stuck up for her) and we almost broke up over it

She moved out and is finding that she has to make products go much further and cant afford to ruin what she uses

She hates me but I won't have her back,I work hard for my money and budget for my stuff-nobody has the right to use it all up

The martyrdom on this thread is hilarious. 😂

Who in their right mind would allow someone to waste their £70 facial moisturiser and then say "ah how sweet of her"? What are you all teaching your teenagers? Mine are absolutely banned from wasting my stuff, they have their own things. They can borrow mine if they ask but not my expensive things.