To ban SD from my en suite?!

[EasterEstherEgg]

I’m fuming!!

When I moved in with DH, an en suite was an essential on my list. I have DD12 and he has SS15 and SD17 and I don’t want to share my personal space with teenagers. They’re also not allowed in our bed.

Have come back from a work trip early to find SD getting out of my bath, with my shampoos, body lotions and creams laid out and my bloody dressing gown and slippers on and apparently she often does this when I’m away!

She - and DH and everyone else - are well aware my en suite is off limits. AIBU?

I can see why you don't like it and you might want to set a few rules, but I also think you are overreacting.

My DD has left home now but she would often use our en-suite as it was the only bath and would use some of my products, tweezers, nail scissors etc. She'd usually ask first, but not always. And she didn't always return them either. I wouldnt think anything of her using my dressing gown tbh, but the she quite often borrowed clothes and shoes.

Annoying, but not the huge deal that you as some others think it is.

I'm intrigued that it is YOUR en-suite. Does your husband not get to use it at all?

I've just remembered one occasion when DH and I were in bed (I can't remember whether it was late night or early morning) and DD knocked, came in, announced that she urgently needed a nude coloured bra and all hers were in the wash. She grabbed the one off my chair and ran off with it. I pointed out it wasn't all that clean but she didn't seem too concerned 😂

I used to pinch my daughter's make up too!

No one is saying it is her responsibility! But clearly she feels some responsibility and is caring for her by buying essentials.

Op was asking if she was being unreasonable, I just said from the limited information it didn't sound like a 'fuck you', just remind of

And would your daughter use your pot of Chanel face cream on her legs, or a small amount for her face?
My DD can and does have anything she wants of mine, but is respectful and asks if it’s OK. It’s not that she thinks I would ever say no, but we do have mutual respect there.
The SD in this case knew that the answer would be no and did it anyway, and in a real FU used large quantities of Chanel face cream on her legs-she is 17, there is no way in hell she didn’t realise what she was doing. That is a deliberate act.

Well yes, it's hard to moisturise your legs by accident, but there's no reason to think it was some terrible act of malice and spite. She's a teenager with access to premium products and she likes them; they're very nice, that's why they're premium.

It's annoying but this idea that a teenage girl using expensive products she's not supposed is some sort of sinister calculated act is ridiculous. Anyway, OP has admitted there are problems in her marriage and her husband is a piss taker... as is so often the case, it's just getting deflected on to the kids.

She’s 17 not 12. She knows about premium products and how to use them. No one uses face cream as body lotion…I suspect that the DH’s attitude is rolling down hill.He’s an arsehole so she can be too.

Except she wouldn't have been using 'large quantities' obviously she shouldn't have used it at all but a £50 pot of Chanel moisturiser is tiny!

Yanbu.
Your husband knew well but doesn't give a damn.
He's a liar saying he didn't know.

What do you expect having married a man that clearly requires a woman to house him and his children.
You are the solvent woman losers needing to house their children, seek out.
It's your daughter i feel sorry for, collateral damage to her mothers choice of men.

You and your salary are a convenience.
Of course its a fxxk you using your creams on her legs.
She also knows her father doesn't care a whit.

God knows how much money you have spent on foisting this man and his children on your poor daughter.

Working away to finance a loser and his children.

Get good legal advice.
Hopefully its a short marriage and you can get out of it.

Stop paying a penny more than you have to now.

No one uses face cream as body lotion

Clearly they do! As a teen I sometimes used my dad's razor if mine was a bit blunt, drove him nuts. I also used to sneak into my sister's room and try on her clothes. It's all moisturiser; I know there's a difference but it's all essentially the same thing.

Anyway, I'm not saying she's right to do it, just that it's the sort of thing teens do and it's most unlikely to be this sinister calculated act of spite and malice, it's just something young girls (and grown women) often do so they can enjoy premium stuff they can't afford. It's all a big deflection anyway because the OP has admitted there's an issue in the marriage. It's depressing how often that gets put on the children.

You are completely right here OP, and ignore the naysayers on this thread. Unfortunately, for a lot of women, any man will do, so they will put up with pretty much anything.

Stop wasting your money, energy and time on these people. You are paying 75% of all costs?! That’s madness! Think what sort of lifestyle that could buy you and your daughter? Think how much you could save for her and get her set up for life! And how much you could save for yourself to retire early!

This sounds like the straw that broke the camel’s back. You are killing yourself working all these hours and missing out on time with your own child to feed and house these people. Who uses face cream as body lotion? Someone who deeply dislikes you, that’s who.

In your shoes I would divorce this man, take my child and my money and live a very nice life with my daughter.

Huile Douce from Chanel is £175.
Bleu de Chanel has hair mist at £80.
Would you be happy to discover that a teenager had been slathering your stuff all over themselves if you had paid that much for it?

We have stuff in the bathroom which is available for all the family. I had some Chanel no 5 bath oil. Everyone knew that it was mine and not for general use.

OPs stuff was in her en suite which was an extension of her bedroom. It was not a family bathroom. There is a difference.

Yes, I hadn't considered this. The honeymoon is over, husband has got his feet under the table. He is taking everything for granted. OP is working her arse off. Honestly, Chanel is a reward for working your socks off. I know.

Stepdaughter is also testing boundaries and taking things for granted. I'm still not sure that she deliberately put face cream on her legs. She sounds a pretty grotty specimen who knows very little about self care. I think she was just imitating an older well turned out woman. Lecturing teenagers about the cost of things usually falls on deaf ears. Time for her to get a part time job and buy her own stuff. I'd also be buying her shower gel and body lotion for her birthday or Christmas.

At 12 your daughter is no dope.
She will see clearly what her mother has modelled.

Men come first, ahead of her.
Men and their children come first.
Mum is a workhorse that is away from me to provide for others who treat our home as a doss house.

Women are only there to provide and work for others.

I really hope this is a huge wake up call for you.
You have sacrificed her childhood, time with her mother, to be a workhorse for a user loser and his children.

I would reflect very hard on how your daughter is going to look back on her childhood.

You working to fund others.
As an adult she will be very very harsh I would imagine.

I don't mean to be harsh, but you need to fully wake up and get legal advice to get the hell out of this mess, with as much money as you can.

@EasterEstherEgg if that's how you feel, make some changes (only you can know how far you want to go as it is your life). You've already shown your DD that you're hardworking, if you feel like you're wasting her precious childhood take stock and see what YOU want to do.

As an aside I would be livid if anyone wore my dressing gown and I did bin my slippers after a relative by marriage wore them!

To @mylifeisexams if you bought expensive creams, and your DD used them, you would need to replace them, unlike with jewellery or hopefully with clothes. Not comparable.

Jeez… you refer to SC as disrespectful pigs. That’s horrible. As the adult in the relationship it’s for you to find common ground to meet them on and make the, feel welcome. I am getting vibes that DD is a precious princess and SC are well aware that you hate them. Your family is doomed with your attitude.

You really cannot read, can you? 🙄

I wouldn’t even waste any time on this. Just a rent-a bash stepmum post

Maybe the OP just doesn’t want to be a martyr to a disrespectful teenager who is living a great life on her dime?

I agree, women don't have to give up their sense of self when becoming mothers. We are still individuals in our own right with wants and needs and deserve as much out of life as the next person.

Divorce him OP. Youre sacrificing so much and he damn well knew exactly what his daughter was up to.

I rarely comment on posts, only when I think I can either offer help or situations like these when the OP is being trashed by people who either obviously haven't bothered to actually read her posts properly or are just plain nasty for whatever reason they feel the need to be.

Anyway, think I will just use a ⏰ symbol in future, stands for Complete Lack Of Comprehension skills, will save a lot of time, (no pun intended).

can I steal this please?

Please do, I'm hoping it will catch on and those of us who can apparently read can use it freely. Because let's face it, how many times have we read a bonkers reply but really can't be bothered pointing out the absurdity of the reply. Be typing all bloody night otherwise...

And meant for the face. How far do you think it would go on legs ?

I think you are both marking you territory. You are an adult though . Seriously, why would you mind a teenager using your en-suite and some smellies bother you? Sounds like you are asserting your power not protecting privacy. She's not some random person she's your step daughter.