To ban SD from my en suite?!

[EasterEstherEgg]

I’m fuming!!

When I moved in with DH, an en suite was an essential on my list. I have DD12 and he has SS15 and SD17 and I don’t want to share my personal space with teenagers. They’re also not allowed in our bed.

Have come back from a work trip early to find SD getting out of my bath, with my shampoos, body lotions and creams laid out and my bloody dressing gown and slippers on and apparently she often does this when I’m away!

She - and DH and everyone else - are well aware my en suite is off limits. AIBU?

WTF?! It’s his house too! You’ve no right to ‘ban’ him from using anything in his own home!

I too have fine, greasy hair. May I ask which shampoo you use, please?

@pastadish

some shampoos are really expensive. Not everyone can afford to replace them frequently. Or do you think that OP should get a cheaper less nice type of shampoo so that her offspring can use them as and when they wish?

Great username🙌🏻
Love SG1❤️ (especially Colonel Jack O’Neill🥰)

So are you leaving him? Selling the house?

I hope your deposit was ring fenced.

If this is the height of your complaints about your step kids, bad enough to warrant a thread on mumsnet, I think perhaps you should count yourself lucky.

This whole notion is completely alien to me as I would allow anybody I know to use any bathroom in the house and any products they want. She doesnt have the plague.

I pity the step kids more than you. It sounds like you may have lucked out so please treat them as such. And yes if its really important to you just put a lock on and as a consolation take them on spa days occasionally.

It's perfectly fine to ask a man not to shit in an en suite toilet. It's fine to ask a woman not to as well, but we all know most men are smellier, less considerate and generally grosser than women when it comes to managing their excretions.

Ok, I have read some more of the thread and I see that there is more to it than just using your products and bathroom. But on its own, the transgression is not that bad. If there is a bigger picture then only when included in that bigger picture could it be seen as a bad picture

I use L’Oréal Professionnel Vitamino Color Shampoo. My DD 14 uses the purple Give Me cosmetics shampoos.

I don’t believe that a 17 year old went into her dad and step mums bedroom, through to their en suite, ran a bath, had a bath, dressed herself in her step mums slippers and dressing gown, got four (?) creams out, started putting one of them all over her legs and her dad who was in the house the whole time didn’t notice. He knew.

And the step daughter didn’t ’have a bath’, she thought ‘what can I do to give her a massive ‘fuck you’’.

How soon can you wind it all up?

I would have an issue this had been happening without my knowledge or permission when I was away, but I am not so precious about my en suite or products and don’t mind my DC using them occasionally if they want to.

I would be having a conversation but wouldn’t be putting a lock on.

The point is that SD never asked. I assume you wouldn't go into a friend or a relative's bedroom and start putting on their clothes and using their toiletries? Basic respect means that you ask before using other people's things. If the SD thought it was an ok thing to do, presumably she wouldn't object to OP hanging out in her bedroom, wearing her clothes and using her stuff? It's also very telling that she did this secretly, thinking OP was away with work. That says it all really.

Wearing your dressing gown is absolutely not on. I'd make her clean and wash everything.

I wouldn’t go mental but I would be having a form word of how it’s not appropriate

This is how I feel. Honestly I’m the one with bowel issues (medical) but DH dose his shits in the main bathroom because he’s a wipe and 1 flush person, he never checks it’s gone down or thinks about cleaning the toilet bowl after himself (unless unwell). I love him and he’s very domesticated but I’d divorce him if I had to put up with him using our en-suite toilet.

I think SD knew perfectly well it wasn't appropriate. That's the point.

I’m surprised by these responses. I hate it when my own child uses my en suite but if someone else’s did? Just no. The dressing gown would be the final straw for me, it’s a blatant fuck you.

I bet your DH did know. He just didn’t have the balls to deal with it.

Sounds like you need to rid yourself of the whole disrespectful lot of them.

Yep if I had an ensuite I wouldn't let my kids use it. I already have a tub with my face cream, body lotion etc in that I keep in my room or my teen will spaff through it really quickly and muggins here will have to buy a new tub. The younger kids have cheap shampoo and shower gel so when they turn it upside down in the shower and get a load of water in it it's them that has to deal with the consequences, not me.

It's ok to have your own stuff, would you lend your kids your nice knickers? No of course not, and I see my body lotion as the same! If they asked to use some for a particular occasion I'd say yes but that's not the same as helping yourself, especially when you have your own products, and also my oldest could certainly buy her own nice creams if she didn't spend all her allowance on crap so yeah, I'm not subsidising her monster habit and she can make do with boots own brand.

I'd be thrilled I had such a good relationship with my SD if I had one ,and if I was in that situation..
she clearly likes you op ..
it's nice sharing bits with the children
.i think that's what family is all about .
We have 3 bathrooms, and anyone can use any bathroom and I buy lots of different nice bits for us all to use , everyone just uses what's there ..my creams are available for everyone..
But ...I had a difficult childhood where I didn't have toothpaste or hygiene products or deodorant.. nothing at all..
So I do appreciate my way is probably not the norm

YADNBU OP. It’s totally unacceptable and I agree it was a deliberate FU. It sounds like your DH is taking you for granted and feels way too comfortable with the support you provide for him and his children. As another poster said, I’m guessing he would not have been able to afford a decent house for his children without you.

It”s clear the bathroom thing is part of a much larger picture - of course you should have one private space in your own home.

Get a lockable cupboard for your stuff - creams and wardrobe.

Tell your DH that he needs to support you, or you are leaving. And mean it.

This is NOT a good relationship! SD is walking all over OP and showing no respect.

So your DH was aware - she's done it before - and didnt say anything?

Do you / would you react in the same way if it was your DD?

OP, do bear in mind that the MN performatively boundary-less hyper-martyrs only have to type stuff on a keyboard and you can bet your bottom dollar that most of them are either lying (to themselves) or actually they do have boundaries (they just want to scold you for yours).