AIBU to think a 9-year-old boy can use the ladies with mum?

[aliceyyyy2654]

An AIBU on behalf of a friend who told me this story today.

my friend was out with her two children (DS aged 9 and DD aged 6). She took both with her into the ladies loo in her shopping centre. When she was done and the kids were washing their hands an old lady came up and told her it was unacceptable for a ‘young man’ to be in the women’s toilets as he was not a girl. This kid is 9!!

She was rather upset and embarrassed and hurried out and her son asked her why she was being shouted at.

When she told me this story I told her to ignore it and to continue taking her young children into the women’s with her when their dad isn’t present.

AIBU to think that a 9 year old boy should be able to go into the women’s with his mum as it is much safer than going into the men’s alone?

Women flee to the ladies to escape a man. We cry. Seek help. We miscarry there. We change out at the sinks to go clubbing. We wash blood-stained underwear at the sink, and baby sick off our blouses. We are in a semi state of dress. We don't want any males there. Not to mention the times we have a pram and/or trolley with us and have to leave the cubicle door open.

Women understand that is not merely just about the 'cubicles', and never has been. It's about the actual open sink space.

My ds is 11. Busy places he comes in with me...

It seems that there needs to be a campaign for more family toilets/changing in buildings that might be expected to have children using them.
Most shopping centres do have family facilities.
My understanding is that age 8 is the age children move from infants to juniors

It's also psychologically healthy for boys to be taught that female boundaries are non negotiable, and this needs to start young. Teach them at 9 that female safe spaces are just that, safe spaces for females and not them.

It's in some legislation. But your callous disregard of women and little girls rights to privacy is is horrible!

Thank you. I’ve not seen these signs so wasn’t aware it was a thing. We always use cubicles to change and in the toilets.

Pre-pubescence, boys should be allowed to be with their mums in the girls' bathroom when out. They're not a 'boy' or a 'girl', they're a child.

Aside from the fact that, if grown men can freely use the women's toilets, there's really no need in having separate facilities in the first place, why does it only have to be about danger - as important as that is?

What about privacy and dignity? Any half-decent man would be mortified at the idea of strolling into the women's toilets - even male cleaners tend to feel awkward at going into the ladies' unannounced, just to do their job - so I'd be especially concerned about the motives of any men who do decide to do just that.

What about when you have menstrual blood on your hands? Or maybe you have had just had a situation and just need a minute in what you think is a ‘safe’ female space? There are probably other examples but why minimise and reduce the provision for women (presumably to further accommodate men)?

Absolutely mental comments here. 8/9 is definitely still a child and would be vulnerable in the mens alone. They don't suddenly reach 6 foot and get muscles when they're that age, so would reasonably be able to defend themselves as much as perhaps a 9/10 year old girl? We can send 9/10 year old girls into the mens toilets too then?

No way would my 9 year old use the ladies
with his mum!

i stood outside and said 'just waiting for my son' loudly 😂

but look this just emphasises the dangerousness of men doesn't it all the posters saying no way would they let him go into the men's

Who is getting raped by a pre-pubescent boy? Would they also see a young girl with short hair as a threat?

Yes, when my children were young you used to see signs saying 6 and over must you their own sex loos/changing rooms.

Is he 11 and in primary school or 11 and in high school? Either way he will currently or soon be toileting alongside 18yo men. Let him grow up and support him in doing so.

Why? Why can’t he use the men’s?

Surely he feels ridiculous doing this.

Yet women and little girls rights to privacy don't matter at all? Absolutely mental!
Decades ago mothers would stand outside while their son went into the mens, with no problems. That's how it was done. Why can't it be done now?

Oh stop being so dramatic! 😂 In all my 50 years on this planet, I have never seen any of that going on in public toilets.

Again. Not the point. Have you read the thread? Women’s rights to privacy and dignity are important.

I respect everyone’s right to privacy. Girls and boys. Boys have a right to safety and protection too.

as I’ve said - there are cubicles.

Many places have unisex toilets now anyway. A lot of the pools and local attractions near us have unisex toilets. I’m assuming you avoid these places?

I would expect a typical 9 year old boy to use the gents.

I don't care. He can use the men's or hold it in until he gets home. The generally accepted cut-off age is 8.

So because you haven't seen it, it 'doesn't happen!' Right? Well I have personally seen 3 on the list, and including myself having to do one of them. Think yourself lucky you have never seen it. Maybe develop some compassion for those who have.

At 9 he should be using the men’s toilets, there has to be a cut off and the accepted one is age 8. If there’s additional needs use the disabled loo

So?