AIBU to think a 9-year-old boy can use the ladies with mum?

[aliceyyyy2654]

An AIBU on behalf of a friend who told me this story today.

my friend was out with her two children (DS aged 9 and DD aged 6). She took both with her into the ladies loo in her shopping centre. When she was done and the kids were washing their hands an old lady came up and told her it was unacceptable for a ‘young man’ to be in the women’s toilets as he was not a girl. This kid is 9!!

She was rather upset and embarrassed and hurried out and her son asked her why she was being shouted at.

When she told me this story I told her to ignore it and to continue taking her young children into the women’s with her when their dad isn’t present.

AIBU to think that a 9 year old boy should be able to go into the women’s with his mum as it is much safer than going into the men’s alone?

If there was a long queue, would you be ok with your 9 year old daughter using the gents? If not, please explain why, and why it’s different for a boy?

Nope, I shared many spaces with 9 year old boys when I was a 9 year old girl whilst at school and growing up in general as do most 9 year old girls. And nope, washing my hands next to a boy in a room full of private cubicles whilst he was being supervised by his mother who wanted to keep him safe would not make me feel unsafe as a young girl. In fact, I experienced this often! I know for a fact, my children would feel the same. If they didnt feel safe washing their hands next to boy, Id tell them what the alternative might be for that boy and I've no doubt they'd be understanding. Also most boys don't hit puberty till 11/12...the odd 9 year old does yes but you keep challenging young boys though and put them at risk 👏

For dignity, mainly. I don't think they should have to share toilet space or changing space with boys.

If a boy can't physically manage the toilet solo by 8-9 I think it's ok to use the disabled toilet to help them.

If a parent doesn't consider the men's toilets safe, then they need to find a solution that doesn't infringe on the rights of girls - such as making sure they know where to find a toilet they find suitable, for instance a unisex, family or solo cubicle toilet. They are pretty common in places like cafes - I know because I have to find suitable toilets when out with my disabled dm.

The issue is the assumption that the solution to concerns is for girls to have to tolerate a lack of privacy, rather than the solution being for an alternative to be found.

What are you on about? How will the girls suffer in their closed cubicles because there is a 9 year old boy ACCOMPANIED BY HIS MUM there? We are not talking locker rooms here ffs.

👏👏👏Well said.

And by they you mean vulnerable children, yes?

🤣🤣🤣 999, what’s your emergency? ‼️

I can’t 🤣🤣 💦

The police would charge you with wasting their time because we’d be long gone and they would not care two shiny shits about a young boy going into a loo with his mum as there is no law against it.

I think a 9 year old with their mum in the ladies is fine. What on earth do people think he might do?!?!?!

DS is 10 and I haven’t let him use the ladies since he was 7 or 8. I think 9 is much too old. DS uses the men’s if we’re out without DH, and I just wait outside.

Schools stipulate that girls and boys have to have seperate changing facilities from year 3 upwards. So that for me would be the cutoff, unless additional needs, and then could use disabled facilities.

There are family changing areas at our local pools, where any gender and any age can change, which would you think be perfect for mums who have older boys and dont feel comfortable sending them into mens for whatever reason. Do they use them - of course not, they dont want to get changed in front of unknown men. So they bring their 10+ year old boys into the ladies so our young ladies have to get changed in front of unknown young men instead!

There is a sign which says no boys 8 or over in ladies, but these mums clearly don't think this applies to them. If women do not in practice stand up for women's rights to a single sex space, then what hope do we have of men respecting it 😪

👏👏👏

Well social media lasts longer.

Are you implying you would film two children and a woman in the toilets and post them on social media?

I don’t get it. Help me out. Because the inference here is you’d take a photo of a little boy and a woman in the toilets and put it on Facebook and I’m pretty sure you can’t possibly mean that. Please for the love of god tell me you mean something else and tell me what it is that you do mean?

You've lost your mind.

You'd make your 9 year old use the men's toilet regardless of the risk so he doesn't go on to be a rapist? Is that your logic??

Very well written, 100% agree

Yet again, women apparently have to tolerate a loss of dignity due to men's poor behaviour.

And yet another one whose only thought was about the boy…not a flicker of interest or second of thought in what his female peers might want. Read the thread, many many people have explained it’s not about what he might do.

I would take my 9yo in with me - I see no problem with this

The right of a little boy not to be raped and the right of a little girl to wash her hands with no boys present? Hmmmm.

Um so taking and posting pics of children in toilets is kind of not ok, a safeguarding issue, harassment and you’d be visited by the police.

So when does it end? 12? 15? I have a son and think you are being ridiculous.

You think the police are going to arrest a Mom for taking her 9 to son kn the ladies loo but congratulate the woman taking photos of kids in toilets?

I didn't say I'd be taking any pictures of children.