AIBU to think a 9-year-old boy can use the ladies with mum?

[aliceyyyy2654]

An AIBU on behalf of a friend who told me this story today.

my friend was out with her two children (DS aged 9 and DD aged 6). She took both with her into the ladies loo in her shopping centre. When she was done and the kids were washing their hands an old lady came up and told her it was unacceptable for a ‘young man’ to be in the women’s toilets as he was not a girl. This kid is 9!!

She was rather upset and embarrassed and hurried out and her son asked her why she was being shouted at.

When she told me this story I told her to ignore it and to continue taking her young children into the women’s with her when their dad isn’t present.

AIBU to think that a 9 year old boy should be able to go into the women’s with his mum as it is much safer than going into the men’s alone?

You dont feel uncomfortable around a 9 yo boy, but maybe you would if you were a 9 yo girl?
I also disagree that a 9 yo boy is necessarily pre-pubescent.

Completely agree. I have daughters too. Some absolutely batshit crazy people out in force tonight. Everyone is different but me personally once my son got to 10, he had to go in the men’s alone. I understand if not everyone does that though and leaves it a little longer. Certainly at 9 he’s in with me in the ladies.

He’s 10 now and told to quickly have a wee, and to quickly wash his hands. One time I just walked into the men’s as he was taking too long. He was fixing his hair, I told him it’s strictly in and out.

Someone said it’s my job to take him to toilets that are safe? Fuck me. The naivety. Not sure what planet they are on, but there’s no such thing as a safe public toilet for an unaccompanied child.

It isn’t a problem to most women and girls. The sane put safeguarding of children above all else. Couldn’t care less about the rest. Musing when boys should be put at risk of rape is disgusting .

If a girl is that worried she wouldn't be okay with any boy being in the ladies but we're not going to start sending our 4 or 5: year olds to the men's on their own.
I'm not sure most girls actually would be worried the other people using the toilets aren't going to know if she's on her period or not.

Adult men and women get raped in toilets. Doesn't mean they get to trample over everybidy else's rights.

The safeguarding of children does. I don’t want so called “rights” that disregards the safety of children
and will safeguard my children how I see fit.

Could you go into the mens with him OP? Maybe a reasonable compromise?

It most certainly is a problem to most women and girls. Womens and girls rights to privacy above all else. Waving away women and girls rights to privacy is disgusting but very telling of the person.

Considering he’s not my child, no

Disregarding the safeguarding of children is telling is hugely telling.

When I was nine, I wouldn’t have cared if a boy was with his mum. You’re in cubicles, no one can see what you’re doing.
If the nine year old boy didn’t want to go to the ladies with his mum, that’s a completely separate issue. It doesn’t seem to be the case in this scenario.

So now it’s ok for a grown woman to go into a male only space? But a young child cannot go into a female space?!

the mind boggles!!

You have to remember that men are the issue here. Not prepubertal young boys. They are not sexual predators. Men bad. Children innocent. Let's protect our children from them? Most women would be willing to protect children from men? As we have been doing for centuries? Are you not willing to safeguard children from sexual abuse? I do not think that prepubertal young boys invade or threaten women only toilets full of private cubicles. To note, I am all for women only spaces. By all means, start a petition for the government for a third space for these boys if you want a formal solution. Until then, let mums protect their sons, yes? Lastly, this thread is specifically about a 9 year old boy. Most 9 year olds are small framed and pre pubertal and highly vulnerable in men's toilets. Obviously no one is suggesting a 16 year old boy go into the ladies toilets when puberty typically starts age 11/12. To suggest an arbitrary age cut off point is also ludicrous. Let common sense prevail. If he looks too much like a man, then he's too old. And great, he'll hopefully be better able to protect himself in the mens due to that very fact.

Agreed. I have a 9yo and he is utterly clueless about both sex and violence. He isn't interested in women and girls at all and he would be useless in a difficult situation alone.

Schools have to provide separate toilets for girls and boys as soon as they get into ks2 (age 7 ish)

Yes, disregarding the safeguarding of little girls is hugely telling. And I'd call the police and do everything I could to make sure it wouldn't happen again.

Anyone being sexually assaulted is horrendous. But a CHILD. This is why we have special safeguarding rules for people who are around children. Because as a society (except for you apparently) we agree that children deserve special levels of protection even above what adults get. This is why child sex offenders in prison have to be on separate wings, because society (or most of it) thinks that is the very lowest of the low. The worst of the worst. That you cannot see that….well. I really don’t know what to say to you.

Adult men are not in school toilets. God you really aren’t getting this are you?!

My 8yo DS occasionally comes in to the ladies with me, usually if the doors are heavy as he struggles a bit. Sometimes, if it's quite quiet he'll use the men's, but he prefers a "sit down wee" so often he comes in the ladies with me.
The other day - my 4yo neice was so desperate that I took her in to the empty gents to avoid an accident 🤷🏼‍♀️ at the end of the day, it's a toilet & we all have to go 🤷🏼‍♀️

It is for women and girls to solve because us mums are women and we need to protect our children.

there is no solution other than what we have right now. We will risk assess at the moment in time.

you can moan and stamp your feet as much as you like but our little boys need to go for a wee safely. They have the right to be protected as much as girls.

everyone can go for a wee in the cubicle. Nobody has to see anything. These are kids.

let’s teach them respect and to have compassion for each other. Not start dividing them at such a young age.

what age are your children?

You’d call the police on a little boy having a piss with his mum and little sister?? the police would laugh at you my dear. You should try it and report back please

They just don’t get it.

the fact we’re talking about children.

I don’t have boys but I’d expect a 9 year old to use the gents (assuming no special needs).

My 10 year old DS comes into the ladies with me.

The men's toilets stink and the urinals freak him out. He is autistic and very sensitive to smell.

He does have long hair though so no one notices.

sorry quoted wrong post x