AIBU to think a 9-year-old boy can use the ladies with mum?

[aliceyyyy2654]

An AIBU on behalf of a friend who told me this story today.

my friend was out with her two children (DS aged 9 and DD aged 6). She took both with her into the ladies loo in her shopping centre. When she was done and the kids were washing their hands an old lady came up and told her it was unacceptable for a ‘young man’ to be in the women’s toilets as he was not a girl. This kid is 9!!

She was rather upset and embarrassed and hurried out and her son asked her why she was being shouted at.

When she told me this story I told her to ignore it and to continue taking her young children into the women’s with her when their dad isn’t present.

AIBU to think that a 9 year old boy should be able to go into the women’s with his mum as it is much safer than going into the men’s alone?

you cannot compare a supervised 9 year old with a 49 year old adult man. Please tell me I don’t have to draw you a diagram here. What is it you think a supervised 9 year old is going to do? I think we all know what a fully grown adult man can do, but a pre-pubescent boy? Come on get a grip.

I am all for women only spaces. I do not think a prepubertal child threatens or invades that space. Men do. My children wouldn't think twice if a young boy was in the toilets whilst supervised by his mother to keep him safe. Most women wouldn't either. Men are the problem here, let's protect our children from them, yes?

I think telling the OP to find a plant for him to piss on is the most stupid thing I've seen on MN.

There’s some real nasty child and boy haters on this thread.

?!

It's terrifying isn't it

Indeed. We should be uniting against gross men. Not against young children

My priority is just protecting my son in the moment when he needs a wee. I’m not really there in the moment pondering societal issues.

I would happily challenge you right back - and remind you of at least 2 personal references on this very thread of young boys getting abused or raped in men's toilets. Would you not feel guilty if one of those young boys you so 'bravely and righteously' challenged left the women's toilets to get raped in the men's?

I’ll be honest I’m shocked. I’ve got a boy and a girl, and I have a male family member who was raped in the gents in a shopping centre as a child. How women can say they want to keep adult men out of the ladies (which I wholeheartedly agree with) but on the same breath are willing to send my sweet gentle little boy into a space with a load of adult men is beyond me.

Unbelievable isn’t it. A boy, a child.

Precisely. I am so sorry for your family member, awful.

@LilOleMe2

Good luck challenging me out in the wild with a 9 year old boy. That is all I will say.

I have boys.
One boy in a female space will impact on many girls. So lots of girls will be uncomfortable
The risk for a boy in a male space is very low. As a parent the responsibility is mine to take my son to places where the risk to him is low. Otherwise we're just going to raise entitled boys with no boundaries who will become a danger to others and potentially the very men that we're saying are a danger to our sons.

Yes, but ... If 9 is too young to be allowed to go in the gents, what is the right age? What if someone deeply anxious wants to safeguard their son into their teenage years? In case they might one day be approached in the gents. (The simple fact of men having to get their tackle out in order to pee can't be the actual issue in people's minds, surely!) How old is old enough? I'm not taking sides at all on this one - I just can't pick up an overall opinion from all the PPs I've read about what age is indisputable!

Can you imagine:

mummy mummy I need a wee

hold on son, I need to gather all the men to solve the issue of you potentially being touched/raped in the toilet.

but I need a wee, can I come with you mum?

no, sorry - there’s some angry ladies in there waiting to challenge us!!

boy wees in plant pot - it’s ok for him to lose his dignity because….he's a boy.

angry ladies celebrate their achievement.

no men turn up - because….madness.

Thank you. It was a very long time ago now in the 90’s in Leeds and I was only a teenager myself at the time it happened, but I’ve never forgotten it. He had to go to hospital and they never found the man who did it. My aunt was waiting outside for him. I have managed to get my head around letting my son go in the gents with me outside the door a couple of times more recently (he’s now 10) but it’s a total headf*ck every time I allow it as you can imagine. My heart is beating out of my chest. He’s quite a slight 10 year old - but let’s face it even a robust 10 year old isn’t fighting off an adult man.

I wouldn't send a 9 year old boy into the mens alone and wouldn't be remotely bothered if one was in the ladies.

He's hardly going to be a sexual predator, is he?

Sorry to hear that.

Why should that be women and girls problems to solve? It's not a solution.

As others have said, boys can get raped at 14, 15, 16.... do you really think a 16 year old boy should be in the ladies? Where do you draw the line?

I am female, yes.

Describe the uncomfortable impact of girls washing their hands next to my son? I also have a daughter by the way.
how is trying to preventing my son being raped making him ‘entitled’? So perhaps I send my daughter in the gents now too so she doesn’t become entitled either? Safety is a basic, not ‘entitlement’. Everyone deserves basic safety.
please also explain why taking my son in the ladies would make him a danger because that I also can’t compute.

Are we all missing the point? We’re bickering over where the 9 year old boy should pee. The real issue that is a nine year old is not safe in an all male space. We will never solve this unless we address the problem - men.

My rule of thumb in my head is ‘big enough and loud enough to put up a decent fight and make a big fuss’

I imagine a boy would stop wanting to use the female toilets as he goes through puberty a) because he'd be aware it was strange to share a female space as an older child, and b) because he'd feel more confident about being in the male toilets alone. I would've thought somewhere around 12? 13? if not earlier.