AIBU to think a 9-year-old boy can use the ladies with mum?

[aliceyyyy2654]

An AIBU on behalf of a friend who told me this story today.

my friend was out with her two children (DS aged 9 and DD aged 6). She took both with her into the ladies loo in her shopping centre. When she was done and the kids were washing their hands an old lady came up and told her it was unacceptable for a ‘young man’ to be in the women’s toilets as he was not a girl. This kid is 9!!

She was rather upset and embarrassed and hurried out and her son asked her why she was being shouted at.

When she told me this story I told her to ignore it and to continue taking her young children into the women’s with her when their dad isn’t present.

AIBU to think that a 9 year old boy should be able to go into the women’s with his mum as it is much safer than going into the men’s alone?

Bringing sense and practicality in the situation, there isn’t going to be a third space for boys. So it’s not a case of “sod the girls”, instead a way to ensure boys aren’t sodomised.

I agree and if anybody verbally abused and reduced a child to sobbing for wanting to use the toilet safely I’m pretty sure there would be consequences in the uk too.

I think 9 is a bit old. I'd say up to 7 unless he has any disability or anything that makes him younger for his age or means he needs help. 8 and up should be fine in the mens, his mum can always stay right outside and tell him to call her in if he had any problems

I suppose in my experience I've just never seen a woman or girl outside of a shut cubicle exposed in a public restroom, so based on that I risk assess based on a lone primary school aged child in a men's restroom without a parent.

My 9 year old nephew wouldn't bat an eyelid if his mum wanted to take him to the ladies with her for his own safety. Nor would his very lovely friends (if they happened to be there which is unlikely as they'd probably all go into the men's together which makes your previous post even more pointless). They'd be understanding and respectful. They certainly wouldn't take the piss or humiliate him. Then again, they have all been very well brought up. I'll be happily doing the same for my son when he's that age if his Dad isn't available.

But what changes overnight when a boy goes from 8, to 9? Puberty hasn't happened yet, they're as vulnerable as an eight year old I'd say. They're in primary school. I am a fervent believer in safe women's spaces, I loathe when men try and take over but im talking about a boy not a man, and overall in the situation described by the op, I'd not take umbridge to a year 4 boy in a women's loo. I'll face this myself one day and perhaps would first use the accessible restroom, but until a third family option exists, I wouldn't have primary aged boys thrown to the wolves so to speak and have to use enclosed mens toilets completely alone, especially when I've got other children with me to organise so can't be vigilant outside the door for the 9 Yr old.

What is embarrassing about using a loo of a different gender? I am an adult female who if the "ladies" is occupied I will use the "mens" without hesitation if its a single loo.

Get over it. ITs not 1950

👏👏👏👏

He's too old to be in any female spaces. He needs to wait outside for his mother to do her business, or if he needs the toilet, use the men's. Why can't the mother go into the men's room with her son? But women are expected to accept not only older boy children in female spaces, but also adult men with their daughters and adult men that pretend to be women. Let's normalise allowing women male-free spaces. In the country I live in there have been several stories and cases now of creepy perverted men installing cameras in public restrooms to film wimen using the toilet and share the footage online. No to older boys and men in women's spaces. You're not that little at 9, you can use the toilet designated for your own gender instead of tagging along with mummy.

Why is he too old? What's he going to do, steal a grannie's knickers?

NONSENSE

Ok you crack on with that. The rest of us will safeguard our children how we see fit.

That father taught his girls..

• it is ok to film in the toilets
• men cant be challenged for being in the ladies toilets when women feel uncomfortable (the other man had been fetched by women!)
• and women dont deserve single sex spaces

He isnt the hero he thinks he is. The other man didnt behave well. He shoukd not gave handled it like that. But he was wrong first.

But you're assuming that women are genuinely threatened and/or inconvenienced by 9yo boys in the women's toilet. And I would suggest most aren't.

The government as that is when they have to have separate toilets in schools.

You can't really have it both ways...

... men are toxic and terrifying and can't be anywhere near me...

... but a 9yo boy is perfectly safe alone with them...

????

Right, so you're happy sending prepubertal vulnerable boys into the men's toilets while acknowledging in the same post how dangerous men are? Make it make sense. I agree with women only spaces absolutely but I dont think prepubertal boys threaten that space. Protect children, always.

No that father taught those girls that he would always keep them safe and how to behave properly. He also modelled incredibly polite level headed behaviour.

No question: Over 7s should be using the Gents' toilet. He is far too old for the Ladies loo.

Then don't complain when women will tell you that your child is too old to be in women's spaces and feel uncomfortable about it.

Also, why can't you take your son to the men's room? Why does he have to enter the ladies'? Why can't uou safeguard him in the men's toilet?

Women can walk into men's room with their sons. Why does it have to be the other way around?

No no no. You cannot compare school toilets to public toilets. Children at school go to the toilet unsupervised yes but there will be no unsafe adults in there. I wouldn't want even my 6 year old daughter going into mixed toilets at school. I also wouldn't want my future 9 year old vulnerable boy going into the men's toilets alone. I will keep him with me in the ladies if needed and I can guarantee no women or girls would be at risk from my supervised 9 year old son in a room full of private cubicles.

Unless he has a disability or additional needs - in which case use the accessible toilets - at 9 he should be using the gents.

His mum can hover outside and call in "are you ok" if she's really worried.

However, the other woman didn't have to get a busybody about it and should have addressed the mother and not the boy if she felt she really had to say something.

Because at 9 years old boys already start taking interest in the female body. So, women deserve some dignity from luring little eyes.

Oh come on - the blokes in the men's loos deserve privacy and dignity when they go for a wazz just as much as women do.

She can't enter the gents to keep an eye on her son just as a father shouldn't enter the ladies with his daughter.

Because he was sexually abused in a men’s toilet.