AIBU to think a 9-year-old boy can use the ladies with mum?

[aliceyyyy2654]

An AIBU on behalf of a friend who told me this story today.

my friend was out with her two children (DS aged 9 and DD aged 6). She took both with her into the ladies loo in her shopping centre. When she was done and the kids were washing their hands an old lady came up and told her it was unacceptable for a ‘young man’ to be in the women’s toilets as he was not a girl. This kid is 9!!

She was rather upset and embarrassed and hurried out and her son asked her why she was being shouted at.

When she told me this story I told her to ignore it and to continue taking her young children into the women’s with her when their dad isn’t present.

AIBU to think that a 9 year old boy should be able to go into the women’s with his mum as it is much safer than going into the men’s alone?

My children are fine, thanks. Grown up happy and healthy. They have wonderful friends. My son has been going to the gents since he started school and began going to the boys toilet. I’m thinking you don’t know so much about 12 year old boys. Or, really, 9 year olds either. Unless they have special needs, they should go to the toilets designed for them.

The lady was mean. He is a child. My son 8, prefers to go into the men's whilst I wait outside but if his not comfortable with that then thats OK, perhaps those men's toilets were gross, some are!

You might need a radar key.
If he doesn't dont take him to use the disabled loo with you.
Hes 14! Send him in the men's for goodness sake. He wont want to see you peeing...

Thank you

9 is plenty old enough to use the men’s on his own. I have 2 boys, no way would I have taken them into the ladies at that age.

People should really mind their own business when it comes to these things. I was recently using the disabled bathroom with my son and nephew (both 7 and have a disability). I heard two women loudly tutting as we walked in and ignored it. As soon as we left the bathrooms both women started shouting that I was a disgrace. Both boys were very upset and their disabilites quickly became obvious. The women were then backtracking and still trying to blame me for their mistake.

@callmeLoretta1 I think you misunderstood my post. I think 9 years old is still young and I have no objection to a 9 year old boy using the women's restroom. I did not mention anything about a 14 year old. The article references a 14 year old being sexually assaulted but my point was it does happen and at 9 years old I can understand a mum wanting her son to use the restroom with her. Big difference between being 9 and 14.

I might have batted an eye, but I wouldn’t have said anything to the mum. How she raises her children doesn’t affect me and is none of my business. Unless, of course, it’s posted on Mumsnet.

That’s you. Any parent should
safeguard their own children and act accordingly as to how they feel is needed to keep them safe.

No it doesn’t. It comes down to whether the comfort and privacy of girls should be set aside for boys. Whether girls should be taught that their wants are less important than boys’.

Exactly!

Triggered by what exactly? Only if you see young boys as a threat would that be the case.

Do you not get that some young girls may have had experiences which cause them to see boys as a threat?

All of you taking your 10-11 yr old sons into the Ladies, don't they ever go out alone or with friends? What do they do then?

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again. Fundamentally it’s about the safety of children. That trumps any other argument. Women’s toilets have cubicles and a child accompanied by their parent doesn’t violate that privacy. It’s ridiculous to suggest otherwise.

This! No parent should be bullied into going against gut instinct as regards safeguarding their child. Nobody.

There’s been so much hype recently about how grown arsed men should be allowed in the ladies toilets if the man is taking his daughter. So many women were saying it’s fine for a man to do this. Loads and loads and loads.

So if a grown man is allowed in there, then it’s wild to say no to a boy who is much less of a threat than a man. If you would accept a man coming in with his daughter then you’re obviously not truly bothered really, you just want to be an arse towards mums of boys.

And once again for you.
if you don’t want your overage son in the males because you believe it’s unsafe for him - find a blooming nother solution - rather than the female single sex space.

the discussion should be ‘do you think companies should provide family cubicles to accommodate boys over 8 whose parents don’t think the gents are safe.’

you lot make this into a discussion about the female change, because you decide for yourselves that’s the solution and sod the girls.

Absolutely this. I saw the video of the sobbing little girls when their father was being verbally abused for accompanying them into a toilet in the US. Nobody in their right mind would think the abusive man laying into him was right. Some people( mostly a few obsessive boy hating MNers need a common sense transplant.

This is crap comment.

Boys over a certain visual age are making girls unsafe by teaching them that boys/men are allowed in the spaces. This one was safe, but will the next one be?

Does he look younger or older?

Was there a specific reason the men's toilet at that place seemed specifically unsafe?

Nope, mothers don’t have to do that.

Were you on Facebook or TikTok? Because I can promise you, mums would not be advocating for this.

Funny as I was in a long queue at a disabled toilet at a local railway station last Friday. I take it you weren't there

Of course I understand that. The boy would be with a parent however so not a threat.

Did you read the suggestion that a boy be kept at home instead of using female toilets (having had one son abused)? Do you agree with that bit too? Should we extrapolate that to keeping girls at home too for safety? The answer to that is obviously no, so I’ll go back to my original point:

children’s safety is paramount, regardless of sex.

Much as we should discourage misogyny, the same applies to misandry.

What's wrong with people saying YABU? @aliceyyyy2654 He's a child and doors are closed so he won't see any naked ladies peeing. I think it would be worse bringing a girl in to the men's room. If you feel threatened by a 9 year old with his mum you are need professionnal help!

My sons will still be using the ladies with me at 9 (unless their dad is with us).

Honestly, I couldn't care less whether that bothers people. Children's safety comes before adults comfort every time and sending young children into a public bathroom alone is a terrible idea from a safeguarding perspective (I don't have girls but would also be uncomfortable with them using a public bathroom alone).

Absolutely! That video was horrible, the poor dad was just trying to ensure his girls had a safe place to go to the toilet. I’m so glad the aggressive man was fined for wasting police time!