AIBU to think a 9-year-old boy can use the ladies with mum?

[aliceyyyy2654]

An AIBU on behalf of a friend who told me this story today.

my friend was out with her two children (DS aged 9 and DD aged 6). She took both with her into the ladies loo in her shopping centre. When she was done and the kids were washing their hands an old lady came up and told her it was unacceptable for a ‘young man’ to be in the women’s toilets as he was not a girl. This kid is 9!!

She was rather upset and embarrassed and hurried out and her son asked her why she was being shouted at.

When she told me this story I told her to ignore it and to continue taking her young children into the women’s with her when their dad isn’t present.

AIBU to think that a 9 year old boy should be able to go into the women’s with his mum as it is much safer than going into the men’s alone?

Wtf!!

There’s a rule?

https://news.lancashire.police.uk/news/2025/november/man-jailed-for-committing-sexual-act-in-front-of-young-boy-in-restaurant-toilets/

Yet you suggest a young boy who has been abused “stay at home”. Where’s your empathy? I sincerely hope you don’t have children.

That was after the frothing comment. And I didn't say the boy that was abused stayed home. She said if she had a 9 year old. I was referring to the rhetorical situation.

Is he disabled?

Well said

Well you'll just have to put up with it if I'm in there with my son because I'm not sending him in to the men's. If you don't like it, tough!

He’s more than old enough to use the men’s, she can just wait outside for him. Mine was going to the men’s at 7, he’s have been mortified to come into the ladies.

At that age they need to be working on him becoming independent enough to go the secondary school in a few years time.

So to be clear, after having their 11 year old abused, they should keep a 9 year old at home rather than safely use a female toilet?

I ask again, where is your empathy?

Meanwhile in the real world… most people wouldn’t bat an eye at a 9 year old child going in to the toilet with their mum…

Again, they accused trauma survivors of 'frothing'. They had NO EMPATHY for me. Why should I be held to a different standard. No, you get what you give. Calling me 'frothing' really triggered and upset me. After that, that's it.

Yes I think we have to remember mumsnet is a weird place sometimes, nothing like our real lives - thankfully 😂

He should go in the men’s. And you have no idea if he goes peeking about or not.

Young boys have been raped in the mens loos.
Keep him going to the ladies / family bathrooms when available.

How embarrassing for him. I hope none of his friends see him going into the Ladies with you, He’d be teased mercilessly.

id have my son in with me! At concerts at 13 and even now at 14 he comes in the disabled loo with me. I can’t take him in the ladies and no way is he going into the men’s alone when people have been drinking (I qualify for radar key before anyone says anything)

it comes down this - do you see pre-pubescent boys as a threat? They’re not to blame and yet the vitriol is evident. It’s a great shame you can’t see that.

Oh stop it now, you’re joking.

im thinking of the 14 year old lads I know, and every single last one of them wouldn’t step foot in the ladies. Out of embarrassment, but also respect.

8 is usually the cut off. I think he should be made to use the gents‘ loo.

I'd say they should be in the men's but using a cubicle. I wouldn't want my son to have to get his privates out to use the urinal next to grown men.

They'd be crap friends then wouldn't they? I hope you have better standards for your own children - safety wise and friendship wise.

No, I’m certainly not dim. However, it’s been suggested that a 9 year old boy’s presence in the ladies toilets would be triggering. Triggered by what exactly? Only if you see young boys as a threat would that be the case.

You absolutely do mitigate it by taking the boy into the ladies with his parent.