Advice needed: He earns half of what I earn.

[Misssparkles2]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a 1.5 years. I really do love him and he’s a lovely man. I have a great job and can afford to live without my parents and still have luxuries and what I need. My partner earns significantly less than me as he is a TA in a school. He absolutely loves his job and has no plans of leaving. However, the relationship is starting to become expensive for me and unbalanced. I want him to feel welcomed at mine he doesn’t live with me but will come and stay over usually 3 times a week. Although I have a good salary at 25 it’s not enough to fund another adult and he’s never expected that from me but because he has less financially it natural ends up happening. When he comes over I’ve started to feel the pinch. Shower gel running out quickly, toilet roll, dinners/ food as he’s eating too. Even electric as he doesn’t have lots of clothing so he will put his work clothes on for a wash and it’s all costing me.

im starting to feel a way about it because I know he has no plans of leaving his job so how will his finances get better. He also has debt he accumulated in his early 20s he’s 28 now.

it sounds silly but u genuinely feel like a fairy making things happen behind the scenes while our relationship continues. Replacing the shower gel that would usually last me a lot longer or the bottle of iron liquid he would use to iron his shirt. Even a date he hasn’t got the finances to do that so if I want to do that it’s coming out of my pocket.

I love him but I’m paying more financially and I’m there for him emotionally like any partner would be but it seems unfair.

Has anyone got any advice as he’s not a horrible person and doesn’t expect it but it naturally happens if we are spending time together.

I can understand employing retired Police Officers for this role. I work with a few and they’re employed just for the same reasons, there isn’t anything they haven’t seen before and they’re usually masters at handling even the most difficult of people.

I did have a look to see what TAs get paid for an entry level job where I live and they all seem to be minimum wage. Sounds like he could be paid a bit more but I can’t imagine it’s going to reach the £20k suggested.

I can understand OP’s partner wanting a more nurturing role. I wouldn’t want to run a reflection room, it’s not my idea of a good day at work. It sounds as though the OP has got tired of the relationship and wants to live as a singleton, It’s not a crime to be single at age 25 and she’s not reliant on his income.

Well then time to cut him loose no matter how nice he is.

I can see people are asking if we are done for real and thats a yes. I was sad at the time but now it’s more of sign feeling. Now I’ve been able to digest th conversation couple of things stuck with me. He said he knew I would bring it up eventually. He agreed if roles where reversed and I was doing what he was he wouldn’t stay. Even realised that he’s got quite a bit of dispose income after paying the landlady and his bills lol but spends it on self pity for the first week.

so basically says everything

Wishing you all the best. It’s natural to feel sad after a break-up, but you’ll better, and freer in the long run.

So glad that you’ve ended the relationship. And I totally get that you’re a bit upset, it’s not that long since you were discussing having a baby with him.

I think you’ll be so much better off without him and can find someone who aligns more with your values.

Hope you are ok OP. It’s never nice to break up, but this man would have taken food out of your child’s mouth as you now know. Treat yourself with care and onwards and upwards! ❤️

If he isnt having deductions for tax and NI what will happen if he comes out of work due to illness?.

Would he be able to claim benefits?. Also NI credits for his state pension.

Well done for having the difficult conversation and making the decision, OP.

You sound really compassionate and understanding, I hope you find someone with the same qualities who truly appreciates you and is a team player

Well done, OP. Thanks for the update.

I know it really hurts but this is for the best. Deep down you are not compatible.

Well done op. I’m sure you’ll find someone you’re more suited to.

If you have very hard water then you're already filtering your water for use in your kettle, in general.
Anyway, I have no problem with people buying unnecessary little luxuries - it's like me buying lipstick I suppose, but she's also complaining about not having enough money.

Um, the thread has moved on quite a bit...

So? Point still stands.

When ive been truly in love with someone I wasnt capable of evaluating them on a practical level

Which is why so many end up in shitty relationships to trash partners.

If he’s a TA he could easily get a second job , weekends and evenings. He’s got no intention of changing things.

Well done, OP! So glad you’ve decided to post 🙂. Good luck with everything x

Could he have alcohol or drug issues?.

Hence the lack of money.

Quite. Luckily the OP has been able to think about what the future would be like with this loser and has seen sense.

OP seems adamant it’s not the case but honestly, either those or gambling. Something’s up for sure.

I wonder how he reacted when the OP told him it was over?.

No doubt he is on pof etc looking for another victim.

I'd never dream of doing my laundry at my girlfriends unless I was absolutely desperate. I'd make sure I had clean clothes already if i was planning to stay with her for a couple of nights and i'd pay halves on any food we got in too, heck, I might even treat her!

If you really want to make a difference be a teacher over being a TA. Why choose a pathway where you struggle to make ends meet?

No medal for that, it's the normal decent way to behave.

the OPs ex was a grifter, simple as.