To get a pet without asking DH?

[ThisAmpleCritic]

My mood is rubbish. Pet therapy is good, supposedly. DH does not want a pet. AIBU to get a pet without asking him? Just come home with one like “I DID A THING!”

ETA: I know a pet is not “just for Christmas”, I would love it dearly

I know I’m in the minority here. I did vote YANBU.

It is just a pet at the end of the day and you really want one. It’s not a baby. I think if your husband really loved you, he could accept your need for a pet. As long as it isn’t a big massive XL bully and you are reasonable with what you get - I just don’t think it’s that deep.

As long as you are the one fully responsible for it - financially etc.

Do the thing 😂😂

You think if one person can afford something then they should absolutely get it without a backward glance to their partner.

Correct?

Please do not just get one kitten! I'm fostering a litter right now and the charity I volunteer for only rehomes young kittens (10 weeks old) in bonded pairs OR if odd number in a litter then to a home that already has a young, playful cat. Kittens are hard work and will destroy your home (climb your curtains, pee on things, chew things) and can't really be left for more than 4 hrs alone during the day (so if you don't wfh then don't get young kittens). I'm feeding my lot at least 4 times a day and have had to kitten-proof the upstairs of my house. Google Single Kitten Syndrome honestly.

Your wife must have more money that sense paying that per month for a gym membership!!
Vaccinations and vets fees?

What an irresponsible attitude … goes some way to explaining why rehoming centres are full to bursting!

I pay £200!!

Although it’s a sensational spa gym that feels like a mini break every time I go!

@BuildbyNumbere

Why would it need to be rehomed if the OP has the capacity, the desire, and the financial means to look after her pet?

My mum brought a german shepard puppy home and said i did a thing!

BUT my dad wasn't against getting a dog,.

If you know your h is against it than its unreasonable

Because the “home” contains a partner who pays towards that home and does not want an animal in it.

And because you should think long and hard before you get an animal to make sure you can give it a good home and meet all it's needs, for all it's life. If one adult in the home is not on-board with getting a pet, you don't get one. It's one of those two yes-es situations. If people don't then there's a much higher chance the animal will be put up for rehoming, usually with issues because of the lack of thought that went into getting them.

The very fact you are considering doing this @ThisAmpleCritic suggests that instead you should focus squarely on sorting the therapist you mentioned

No, obviously not, my defence of getting a cat comes from all the replies that aren’t just arguing against getting a cat even though her OH doesn’t want one, but ‘how will you pay for it?’ ‘Do you like cleaning up cat wee?’ ‘Cats are are life long commitments!’ ‘Don’t get a cat just because you want one’ everyone acting like they’re the exception, they’re the only responsible ones who know how to look after a cat/animal. This person should talk to her OH, but if she wants a cat let’s not pretend that it’s some awful commitment. Cats are great, highly recommend. I’ve never found it to be some unbearable commitment, plenty of people have them. Neuter them, insure them, look after them. And if she does it behind her OHs back, well that’s her business

Yeah that's true. But as in it wouldn't be forcing itself onto the other person and being in their space and making a mess and needing training etc.
But I don't agree they should really get any living animal unless everyone in the home accepts it.
Buying animals on a whim isn't fair on the animal.

I got a kitten, I wanted one I'd planed , I'd looked into insurance, vet bill, what to do when I go on holiday or away for work and was hoping for some cuddles too.

I got a little black and white fluffy ball that is the least affectionate, bulling aloof little critter I have ever owned .
He attacked nighbours cats so is now a house cat and I had to pay their vet bills , got bladder issues that have cost me over £2000 and now he cannot be insured.

His current catico needs replacing, that going to cost me close to £2000 .
How would your DH feel about all this?

Even if you have a household budget surely people are allowed a certain amount of money to spend how they want?

very much indicates you DO think that if an individual can afford - they should get go for it without a backward glance to their partner

My oh did this once, years ago mind, but it was a snake 🙃
he then refused to feed it because he was scared of it and I had to feed it dead mice 🙄 safe to say I quickly found someone who loved snakes who adopted it!
But yeah I wasn’t happy & wouldn’t be happy if it happened again 🤣
Also pets are hard work & you might actually need his moral support in the process so I’d just work on him for a while & he may come around!

@Thatsquark

OP I presume also pays. Why does her partners preference trump hers? We are talking about a pet, not a child. What are the reasons for the blanket no? Why does their preference have to take precedence? A blanket no is just as selfish in my opinion.

This. ^ We used to have goldfish in a good sized tank - not a little bowl, and gravel and ornaments for them, and they used to be cleaned out once a week. Also, many people don't realise this, but yes, they can live for 15 years in an indoor tank. 30 to 40 years in an outdoor pool. (Obviously if they are treated/looked after properly.)

We had 2 together for about a decade, and one died, then the second one died about 3 weeks later. (Our last one ever.) They'd both lived around 13 years. (This was about 8 years ago. I'd had goldfish for 40 years at that point.) They do take more work than people realise as you say...

.

Even fish can be hard work to be honest. I have 2 tanks and a cat. Depending on what needs doing i can be at it a good few hours. Don't get me started on when theres an issue and you start losing all your fish, cant figure it out... stress 😂

😆 I hope you do find them eventually!

As a small child, I was desperate for a pet. It wasn't possible at that time.

So I got a rock with googly eyes on it, imaginatively named Rocky.

Could be an option?

No. If my spouse brought home s kitten, I would divorce him because cats are evil.
You obviously can't get a pet if the other person in the house doesn't agree!

So to be clear
if one person has the money and desire and ability, they should be able buy an animal if that is what they want to do irrespective if their co habiting partner does not wish share their home with an animal.

Mumsnet really does open my open my eyes up sometimes to how utterly selfish some are and how difficult it must be to be in a relationship with them

We don’t know she does … all we know is she wants a pet and her husband doesn’t.

And that’s she trying to sort a therapist for herself and that she’s very unhappy and that’s she’s even considering buying a pet without discussing it with her husband… so I’d say definitely not in a position to be taking on this serious responsibility