To get a pet without asking DH?

[ThisAmpleCritic]

My mood is rubbish. Pet therapy is good, supposedly. DH does not want a pet. AIBU to get a pet without asking him? Just come home with one like “I DID A THING!”

ETA: I know a pet is not “just for Christmas”, I would love it dearly

No animals are easy … even a stick insect needs proper housing and a heat source, regular cleaning and its needs being met. I don’t think OP has thought this through!

I would, but that’s probably why I’m single 🤣

No. You both need to agree,

OP I assume lol.

You sound like you’re talking to your 13 year old daughter, why do you assume she can’t pay for it herself?

Assume it would come out of the household budget considering they are married … and DH doesn’t want a pet so why does he want to pay for one?!?

We’ve had fish, rabbits and hamsters … NONE of these are easy or cheap pets and people expect, not if they are looked after correctly.
It’s not a case of don’t get a dog, get a fish … they need proper care, ongoing maintenance and obviously someone to feed them when you go away.
The animals themselves may not cost a lot but all the equipment certainly does.

IMVHO pet people and non pet people are fundamentally incompatible, like smokers/non smokers or monogamists/non monogamists.

Pets are most often, dirty, smelly, noisy, and needy. You've got to be really into them for all of that to be worth it. Easier in the long run to ditch the husband and get the dog/cat instead.

Even if you have a household budget surely people are allowed a certain amount of money to spend how they want?

I combine money but it DW decides to join a gym or attend a weekly meal with friends, then she’d be within her rights to use some of her money for that. It’d be quite controlling to have no autonomy at all over your own money

I kind of did this. We had to have our lovely girl cat pts in 2024, and shortly afterwards I was “idly browsing” the Cats Protection website and thought, oh, there he is. DP said it was far too soon for another cat, but I filled out the form anyway, not expecting to hear anything. DP was away for work for a fortnight, when the CP lady rang me saying she thought we sounded perfect - I had to send them a video of our home and garden and then she said I could go and meet the cat. DP said he still thought it was too soon, but to see how I felt when I met the cat and if it was right then he wouldn’t object, as he understood how heartbroken I was at losing our girl.

He came home from his work trip to an orange cat sat in his chair - he loves him though!

I know a woman who did this. No half measures either. She got a golden retriever. She told me if he doesn’t like it he can move out. I mean, that’s pretty much the only way you can do it!

I’ve just got a £20 betta fish… nice cheap fish. Tank cost £200 to set up lol. And a month of cycling. Hard work and expensive but worth it

Not the same as bringing a cat into the home though is it, potentially for 14 plus years that will
require ongoing expensive care, is that the same as a gym membership or the odd meal out then?
Another one that will likely end up pregnant and in the rehoming centre!

I agree with this.

The only way it could work is if someone is on the fence. But if someone is very much a pet person they aren’t going to be happy living without a pet, and if someone is not a pet person they aren’t going to be happy living with a pet.

Really it should be discussed and agreed before moving in together.

If he is the problem then definitely swap him for a cat.

Animals are great - if you are in the right place mentally to look after them and not expect them to 'fix' you.

It's not the right time.

Well my cat costs me £70 per month on cat food and litter and £21 pet insurance. The gym my wife is considering joining is £130pm and a 12month contract. So if she commits to that for the next 10 years her gym membership will cost more than the cat

Please don't get a pet if your mood is rubbish.

Pets are a huge commitment, often long term, 20 years or more and can be hugely expensive when they get sick.

I haven't had a holiday for 2 years as my cat is very old and sick and needs medication with her food several times a day. We are bonded and she only eats if I am the one feeding her. I love her to pieces and when I got her I made the commitment that I would give her the best life I possibly could. I'm currently spending around £200 per month on medication & vets visits, so be aware that they are not cheap.

If your mood is rubbish, I recommend that you not get a pet, but book a holiday or a make over.

Tempting Isn’t he!

Which works fine as long as you’re only talking about neutering and vaccinations and feeding. What about illness, accidents? As I said my cat developed FIP, which used to be fatal, but now there is a treatment, except it costs £4k. That’s quite a lot of cash, and it’s not unreasonable to think that the household budget would definitely be affected by that amount of money. My household budget is my own so was my decision to pay for it. But if I’d lived with someone then presumably that would have been a consideration and what if he said no then? put her down?

”A pet”? Is this a wind up?

Stick insects are fairly trouble free

I pay £21 per month for pet insurance. My cat has has pancreatitis and a blocked bladder and his insurance covered everything over £75 on both occasions. I would never get a pet without insurance

YABU, you both need to want a pet, do voluntary work at an animal shelter or walk a friends dog or something.

Agree.
It isn't fair on the animal or the other partner x

Absolutely do not get a pet without consulting the partner and considering the responsibilities because there is a shit load (depending on the pet) our first pet, sent hubs to get a hamster - I was at work and he came home with a guinea pig 🤦🏻‍♀️ didn’t help he took our son and the shop assistant said hamsters bite and a guinea would be better - well we had him 10 months and I researched finding that they should be in pairs as they can be lonely 😞 so off I trot to get another, bought a massive indoor set up for them, for them to in fact not get along and had to be separated and lived for another 7 and 8 years !! They became my responsibility as the novelty had worn off as I suspected it would do. During this period I wanted a dog seeing as I’d had the pigs and hubs was dead against it so I left it but continued to talk about it but then I was fortunate enough to work from home and after a lot of discussions we bought our girl home - she’s 4 now but because she’s experienced me home all the time she’s become anxious when I go out etc and it’s been a ball ache if I’m honest, she’s not independent so won’t be left alone without crying or barking and we have to arrange someone to have her if left longer than 2 hrs honestly I love her so much and she’s a very friendly loving dog which is a bonus but I will NEVER have any more pets after her they are a huge deal and I couldn’t just give them back I’m not like that 😂🤦🏻‍♀️ and cats can live 20 plus years as well so a lot longer than other pets

I would. He wouldn't have a choice! Women purposely get pregnant when the man has specifically said they don't want a baby after all don't they? This is not much different.