To get a pet without asking DH?

[ThisAmpleCritic]

My mood is rubbish. Pet therapy is good, supposedly. DH does not want a pet. AIBU to get a pet without asking him? Just come home with one like “I DID A THING!”

ETA: I know a pet is not “just for Christmas”, I would love it dearly

No you can’t without both agreeing. It’s a big responsibility and not fair on the pet if not everyone is on board. Perhaps look at volunteering with dog walking at your local RSPCA or similar.

Why do you think it’s fine?

I like cats but I would be very unhappy if one was brought into my house as a pet without my agreement. They climb everywhere, on kitchen work tops, their tails dipping into your tea or over your sandwich, they climb curtains and Christmas trees, they leave fur all over your clothes. They’re lovely to look at but I couldn’t live with one.

My DP said he would leave if we got a pet. I said ok. 20 years later pet and DP still around.

Yes! Do it! Get 2 brother kittens from a rescue, they will love him very much!

No. It's cruel to keep an animal in a house where someone hasn't consented to it being there.

So you’d be getting a pet because you think pet therapy is good “supposedly”…..that doesn’t sound super responsible. Pets are a lot of work, and if it is a dog you are thinking of getting it takes a huge amount of time and effort to train them (please don’t put a Temu harness on it and call it a therapy dog so that you can take it everywhere because you haven’t bothered to train it to stay at home happily without you!). I can tell you I love our dog dearly but he certainly does not always improve my mood (case in point this morning when he chased our chickens who had escaped from their pen and were busy trying to eat my vegetables). I also have horses and cats and likewise they are not magical fairy creatures who come ready trained and always behave perfectly. I love them and riding significantly improves my mood but taking care of the horses and slogging in and out of the mud with all the animals in the winter isn’t easy and doesn’t particularly make me feel good.

You know YABU to think about getting a pet on a whim when your husband is dead against it. I would be furious if my husband brought home a pet I was against getting, and we already have quite the menagerie here (horses, dog, cats, hens, fish, snake and bearded dragon).

Pet lover and owner.

Pets arent just therapy they are lives dependant on you. They are a physical, financial and emotional commitment.

So if you live with a partner a new pet is a 2 yes decision

Imagine if youre "i did a thing" was met with "take it back" 1 of you WILL resent the other when you know their choice is no.

As I said upthread, I’ve done it many times. My house as much as his, I earn just as much, I get an equal say. But there was zero possibility of any “cruelty”. I simply would never have married a man who would be cruel to an animal, in any situation. I cannot understand how anyone would.

Another one for a horse! I’ve sneaked loads in and he just goes along with the pretence now!

Currently sat on the sofa, with DH, buried under a load of dogs that he never wanted, at the start. Now? He’d give his last breath for all of them. I can assure you, it’s very happy, for all of us 🥰

My cat died and we agreed NO MORE CATS. We’re just too broken when they go, we miss them too much, our lives are sadder.

My mate sent me a pic of a kitten she was selling and I sent my son round to get it.

You should have HEARD how angry my husband was with me whilst he snuggled him on his chest and kissed and told him he loved him. 😂

I knew it’d be all right. If you think it will be all right, go ahead.

So? This is an open forum. You asked a question, I answered. That’s kind of how it works??

No. I’m sure 🥰

No, you can't get a pet if DH doesn't want one

This is why I will never get married. Can't stand the thought of someone stopping me doing something that I want to do and not being able to make my own mind up about how I want to live my life (in the knowledge that I don't do anything that harms me, or others, or is financially risky etc etc)

Nooooo - a cat or dog is a HUGE responsibility, don’t do it!!

You really can’t! My DH was very against us getting a dog because he was scared of them. After much persuasion he agreed to let us look after a friend’s rescue dog for two weeks when they went on holiday. A few months later we adopted our own rescue dog and of course DH adores him. Try before you buy. And if he agrees, adopt don’t shop! Good luck.

No I specifically said if it didn’t impact my DW, a pet would obviously impact, so I wouldn’t. I feel like the poster asking that question was asking more generically about spending money

OP Can you book visits to a cat cafe? Or volunteer at an animal shelter? Could you take your DH with you so he can meet a possible pet? If he has allergies then it would be horribly unfair.

I confess I brought home a cat without consulting DP, though he did suspect something was up and kind of worked it out before said cat arrived. But we (I) already have three other cats so it’s not quite the same. DP says he doesn’t do pets but can often be discovered giving them treats - mostly he opens a tin of tuna and says he doesn’t want it all so the cats are doing him a favour. (He’s even been spotted walking one of them).

You can rent my cats from me when I go on holiday if you want. My terms are reasonable.