To get a pet without asking DH?

[ThisAmpleCritic]

My mood is rubbish. Pet therapy is good, supposedly. DH does not want a pet. AIBU to get a pet without asking him? Just come home with one like “I DID A THING!”

ETA: I know a pet is not “just for Christmas”, I would love it dearly

YABVU.

We have had dogs (one at a time, always older rescue dogs) throughout our relationship of 27 years. In 2024, we lost one to cancer after we'd only had her 2 years and both said we couldn't bear the grief again.

My partner caved after a month and I agreed to get another - but if I'd said no, there would've been no argument, because it's something BOTH partners must agree on.

BTW, we do have a goldfish, 2 actually. I chat with them all the time, much to the amusement of my dd...

I would divorce my DH if he did that!

do you have a therapist @ThisAmpleCritic ?

Oh dear

Your mood is not a pet's problem. Go to a cat cafe and cuddle the cats there if it helps, but there's 100s of other things you can do without this daft plan. YABU.

Depends what it is. My DP "put his foot down" on me getting gerbils even though they would have had zero impact on his life whatsoever.

Not scared of them or anything like that, he just didn't want them.

So of course he came home one day to me and DC squealing over 2 gerbils.

Bloody hell

I would have my husband to come home with a cat. What about them bringing rodents and half-dead birds into the house.

You don't get a kitten. You get a cat. And they are the least likely to be 'support' animals because it depends on their nature which you can't control. Some don't even like to be touched much.

No introducing a pet into a household has to be a joint decision. If both/all are not on board it doesn’t happen. Maybe volunteer at a rescue?

Depends on the pet. I brought home a pair of gerbils without telling him.

it was the “ gateway drug “ to agreeing to a dog - which he now utterly adores !

Woman after my own heart ❤️

Sadly no… in the pipeline though

Yeah same here but with a hamster ,now we have a cat who dh ADORES!

I know, I used to have a cat who would occasionally grace you with her presence by resting her paw on your foot. That was the extent of the affection. But I loved her muchly

Depends on what sort of pet you had in mind. A pony or donkey, sure, why not. He won't even notice.

Well then wait and discuss this with them and see what they say

Do not come home with I did a thing and it's a live animal when you know your husband doesn't want a pet.

Volunteer at an animal shelter for a while.

Pet therapy is good, have you explored options which do not involve having your own dog. May not be ideal, still better than divorce

Even considering doing this tome suggests that you need some kind of help snd support, nit to alienate your DH. Hope you get the support you need.

I did this(well my friends did, presented me with a kitten(we had a cat already) in front of my dd. We were going through a bad patch and it nearly finished us off. He did come to love him and things got better but I wish id been stronger and said no.

Tbf he liked to think he could throw his weight around and have the final say in whatever he pleased, no discussion allowed and no rationale and I'd had enough of it.

Since Gerbil-gate hes learned his lesson that he doesnt get to pull the "man said no" card.

Some woman try and discuss shit behaviour like this, some just put up with it, what van i say - I get gerbils with not a single fuck given 😂

If you’re saying talking to him about getting one = no pet for you, then clearly it would be wrong to get one. You both need to agree to it. There are other ways to improve your mental health. Pissing your husband off probably isn’t one.

Are you still with him??

No. Both parties have to want it and be engaged in its care, I’m afraid. The costs alone, as well as the need to arrange sitters/kennels on holidays, the lack of sponteniety because of needing to ensure they are looked after. It can really grate on a relationship, especially one where there is an underlying issue or one party is not in a good place and wants the dog for personal therapy/comfort.

That said I have acquired a dog three times without my DH’s express approval and, well, there is no bond as strong nor a love so pure as that of the man for then dog he never wanted. We have two spaniels currently and my DH adores them - but I always knew he loved animals, secretly rather yearned for one [otherwise he would have absolutely vetoed getting one, and he kind of dithered and blustered], and his objections were practical rather than ‘not wanting a dog’. Plus we have a great relationship so Poopers 1, 2 and 3 were not about trying to fix a lack in our relationship. I would not have got one without a minimum 99% certainty that he would love them.

It would have served me right if he had told me to rehome them though.

ETA sorry @NetballHoop I didn’t mean to quote you!!