To get a pet without asking DH?

[ThisAmpleCritic]

My mood is rubbish. Pet therapy is good, supposedly. DH does not want a pet. AIBU to get a pet without asking him? Just come home with one like “I DID A THING!”

ETA: I know a pet is not “just for Christmas”, I would love it dearly

💯

He will end up resenting you. I think its a huge risk. I'd be furious if someone did that to me. Try dog sitting prehaps

Ah, Pet Rock! I remember them!

Chances are high the kitten and your DH would bond immediately and he would get all the snuggles while you would get the half eaten mice, pigeons etc 😂😂😂

@Thatsquark

Absolutely. It’s not a child. If the adult has the capacity, desire and finances to care for a pet and take full responsibility for them, then what really is the issue? I understand if the other half has allergies or what not, but it’s just as selfish to say a blanket no.

So you do not want a pet and your right trumps your other half’s? even though it could also be for therapeutic reasons? I would much rather spend my money on a pet, than a therapist. Half of those lot aren’t even accredited, and seriously need to help themselves before they work their therapeutic magic on others. Much better to rely on the pet.

I don’t think I’m too bad to live with, been happily together and married for over two decades now. 😁

Check out the poll

Thankfully, thankfully, your stance that if you have money then essentially buy that, for example, Doberman if you damn well want to - even if your co habiting partner categorically
does’t want to share their home with a Doberman is very very very much in the minority!

Phew!

How many pets do you have? And your husband fully on board?

Again, the person asked how she was going to pay for food and pet care. I asked why they thought that OP couldn’t afford it, that was a bit presumptuous. The reply was that her money should be family money and so she essentially wouldn’t be allowed to spend money on a pet. I disagree, I think it would be pretty controlling not to have autonomy over some of your own wage. Having a pet and having money to be able to afford one are different things.

It's nothing to do with money. No animal should be introduced into a home unless all the humans want it there.

I have some big shrimp. Thought id killed one, was gutted then one day months later it was just there 😂

I’ve just reread your posts, yes if I can afford something and I want it and it won’t impact my DW or my contribution to family finances, then yes, if my DW wanted veto power over all of my purchases, I’d see her as abusive

@Thatsquark

I have a gold fish that I impulsively bought 10 years ago and it’s still alive. Some achievement that.

Our dog that we both wanted died a few years ago aged 16. I sometimes get a bit broody for a cat. He’s not overly keen, but if I really wanted one, I would get one. Also, it would be my responsibility to care for it, pay for vet bills etc. There would be no onus for him to do anything. He has no allergies or phobias.

It really is not that deep. I would want to know and discuss the reasons for a blanket no. If there’s no allergies or phobias, you haven’t really got a leg to stand on, when there’s no expectation for you to even care for the pet.

All our living expenses we split 50/50. If you think I’m having a man tell me I can’t have a cat as a grown arse woman then you are mistaken 😂.

It’s not a kid.

@Thatsquark

That is why I said in a previous post within reason. I mean yeah, bringing home an XL Bully without consent is a tad unreasonable 😂. Yorkshire terrier? Now we’re talking.

I mean I am not sure why you’re so irate. I knew I was in the minority and I was still happy to share my opinion.

Well yes. Now. But initially it was me informing DH that we were going to pick up two kittens that day. And then he came home with 6 chickens the day after our baby was born. Now we have alot of animals so one more makes little difference.

But our relationship and our personalities have always been that of "well ok, let's crack on with it." DH could bring home a new car tomorrow and I wouldn't bat an eyelid, I could, and have done, book a holiday and then forget to tell him for months. But that is us and our relationship, some people are planners, debaters, we must agree on everything families, that's fine for them, we're spur of the moment, we'll figure it out together, "yeah you're right, who could say no to free emus" people.

Only you know who your husband is. It's like suggesting a threesome, you know how they'll respond before you've even asked the question.

I think her DH has made the choice for her, TBF.

Many kittens are not snuggly.

All kittens are full of energy and need watching like a toddler and lots of playtime interspersed with lots of sleep.

You need lots of toys, money to pay for vaccines and neutering.

You need to keep them inside for 5-6 months until neutered and they are big and strong enough to look after themselves outside.

If you close a door they will rag your carpet and ruin it.

If they get stressed they'll wee on your mattress or your best carpet and it's hard to get the smell out.

And if they are sickly, they'll cost a fortune at the vet. I had a kitten that developed lymphosarcoma of the liver before he was 2, diagnosed after he tried and failed to jump onto a kitchen surface and broke his leg. Had to be put down. The broken leg, the investigations, the euthanising cost a fortune.

Yes kittens are wonderful but they are absolutely not therapy animals, they are a burden.

Years ago, DH and teen DS1 came home with a dog, despite me being very clear I didn't want another one. I was really annoyed with them as we already had two, plus two cats. I actually said at one point 'it's me or the dog!'

Somehow the dog stayed, and I got over it and I stayed too and eventually bonded with the dog. The DH was on shaky ground for quite a while though, I felt very disrespected.

If my DH had ever brought a cat home, they’d have both gone out of the door. Please just don’t.

We have two long haired cats so I’ve accepted this is my life now and keep lint rollers in every room for the occasions where we need to look more presentable. I’ve tried all the fabric conditioners, hair dissolvers, etc but nothing works 😂

Luckily I’m the one that’s a bit allergic to them and I absolutely adore them so we manage it through regular cleaning. I wouldn’t put my DH through that if he wasn’t on board though!

When DH and I got together I had cats. He didn’t like cats. A couple of weeks after getting together he asked me to move in but I said no as he didn’t like cats. He insisted the cats should come too. Fast forward a year and I wanted a dog, he was on the fence. I went and got a puppy - he loved the puppy. Many years later we had dogs and DD wanted a cat. DH wasn’t keen - I got a rescue cat. 15 years later DH still adores the cat. He wanted spaniels I said no but we ended up with spaniels and I’d never be without one now. Most times we compromise on things but occasionally one of us will go rogue and do our own thing and it really doesn’t matter at the end of the day. If he’s happy I’m happy and vice versa

You’re a politician @BuildbyNumbere !

So simple yes or no….

Do you think that if a person has sufficient money (and capacity etc) to buy and support a pet they should damn we’ll be able to buy that pet and bring it in to the home they share with their partner who categorically does not want to share their home with a Doberman, tabby, whatever?

yes or no?

the overwhelming majority thankfully think no. I am curious where you fall on it rather than coming back to me with waffle!

Pretty sure I’ve clear said NO I don’t agree with someone bringing a pet into the home if the other person doesn’t agree … maybe try re-reading my comments, or @ the correct person before trying to come at me with your waffle!!

My comment was if the pet is being paid for out of the household budget then everyone needs to agree to it, whether OP can afford it or not is irrelevant if the other party does not want the pet. They are expensive and no doubt the other person will start to resent this cost and the animal itself, what happens to the pet then?
If you want everything your own way and not have to consult anyone else on your choices, don’t get married.

Sorry I didn’t mean to quote you

it is @Bridesmaidorexfriend that thinks that if you have the money - spend it how you wish and if that means brining a pet into the shared home of someone who does not want to share their home with a pet