To get a pet without asking DH?

[ThisAmpleCritic]

My mood is rubbish. Pet therapy is good, supposedly. DH does not want a pet. AIBU to get a pet without asking him? Just come home with one like “I DID A THING!”

ETA: I know a pet is not “just for Christmas”, I would love it dearly

My DH would probably leave me if I did this! Especially if it was a cat, which me and the kids would love 😭

It's an incredibly selfish thing to do OP, to your husband and to the pet. What if he gave you an ultimatum to re-home the pet or he would leave? Better to let the pet be in a home where it's wanted and loved by everyone.

Well I would leave my DH if he didn’t “allow” me to have a pet. I’m not a child.

Good job as well as I have nearly 20 pets 😂

Sea monkeys...?

Would wiping up kitten wee be lovely? Bear in mind that cats very much do what they want, you really cannot guarantee that any cat you get will have any interest in snuggles.

Which is a deeply stupid thing to do.

Is it going to help your mood having a cat jumping on you in the middle of the night, or demanding to be fed when you're exhausted?

lol it’s one thing to say she shouldn’t do it without agreeing with DH, but it’s unreasonable to try and argue that having a cat isn’t great for your mood. 3am zoomies and all

Don't be ridiculous. That's a living creature.

I wouldn't recommend it unless you're willing to risk DH walking out! That said, I found our kittens and, over a bottle of wine, managed to persuade DH that he'd always wanted cats anyway.

Meh, I'd leave my husband if he didn't agree to get a cat. Actually I wouldn't, because I wouldn't have married someone who refused to get a cat.

As someone who would prefer a dog over a cat anyway, I wouldn't be bothered if he didn't like cats 😁

We have two rescue cats and they have a hugely positive impact on my mental health but I wouldn’t have got them if my DH said no because they impact on his life too.

They leave cat hair on everything, occasionally have accidents around the house (especially when we first got them) and cost a fair amount in food, insurance and general vet bills. They’re also quite needy but that might just be because they’re rescues!

Well, my husband has always said that it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission... that's how we ended up with a pet spider though.

We're quite chilled about pets though, so as long as we have a plan for its care, I don't think either of us would be upset. We do have a bit of a menagerie.

I know you shouldn’t but I wouldn’t have had any of our pets if I’d asked or waited for partner to agree. He’s stubborn but I knew he’d soften right away which he did and they all ended up more his pets than mine and he’s loved every minute of it. I don’t think that’s the right thing to do though, I just know my partner well enough to know he would soften quickly

She hasn’t said she’s going to neglect it?

You sound quite naïve/inexperienced in keeping pets if you think that is all people pay for.

Yes, in theory all your cat should cost you is food, insurance, and monthly sundries, and most probably do while they are young, in reality cats and dogs can cost thousands, especially as they get older. Insurance goes up every year, and if you want to change insurer, then you are not covered for any conditions that the may have, some things like dental treatment are not covered. Special diets etc, flea worming and vaccinations, neutering. Not to mention the cost/faff of boarding if required.

Excesses also increase as the pet ages, to the point where the monthly premiums and percentage of excess exceed any amount you will ever end up paying out yourself if you didn't have the insurance.

We have a dog in our family that has a myriad of health problems, they don't affect his longevity but he needs medication to control his conditions. His monthly insurance payment is £250 a month, plus they pay 20% of any treatment he needs, as well as a special diet to not exacerbate his condition. if they didn't have the insurance they would be paying £450 in medication alone every month.

I've had dogs all my life, as well as other pets, it is a massive financial and emotional commitment.. OP should be getting one because she can offer it a good life, not so it can be used as a crutch to cheer her up on command.

The cat hair is a valid point. The only downside to having a cat. I can’t wear black. We have to buy new bedding any time a guest stays otherwise they wake up covered in cat hair lol. And you’ll need a lint roller budget

I really hope you’re not planning on having children with this stance of how relationships operate @Bridesmaidorexfriend

My DM used to come home with new pets all the time. My DF would be really annoyed and within an hour would be cuddling it on the sofa. She used to do all the looking after of the pet but I did always think it was a bit cheeky! I think my DF now loves the dog he absolutely didn’t want more than my DM 😆

My current two cats are 9 and 6. The oldest has had a number of issues as I’ve said, he’s got lifelong insurance it’s £21 per month. The younger cats insurance is £15 per month.

I would never change insurers as he’d have a ‘pre-existing condition’.

It’s hardly that expensive to look after a cat, I don’t know why people are insisting it costs £0000s unless they don’t have insurance. I’ve always ensured I’ve had insurance any time I’ve had a pet, even when I had two rabbits.

I pay for a cat sitter when we go away. Which is probably the only expense that isn’t easily swallowed. So no I’m not an inexperienced pet owner.

Not the point.

In general, no, absolutely not, you can't just get a pet if your DH doesn't agree.

In practice I think there are a very small number of potential pets that could probably be OK, e.g.: a pet snail which lived in a very secure tub on your own personal desk, made no sound or smell, shed no hair, didn't need to be plugged into a heat lamp etc, mostly ate salad scraps from your meals and did not require any 1-2-1 playtime or any feeding/care arrangements if you went away on holiday. Assuming your DH isn't creeped out by snails.

Vet bills. Pet insurance. Food bills. Dog sitter for holidays. You CANNOT buy or adopt a sentient being on a whim. I adopt ex racing greyhounds, they are wonderful but it's an expensive business and they are a huge commitment. Never do this unless EVERYONE is on board. Ever!

What does gym or cat costs have to do with children? I just think it’s a bit weird to imply that she can’t afford it, as the person who I’m replying to did.

I’ve also already said in a previous post that my wife wouldn’t care if I rocked up with a new pet. I wouldn’t do it without permission in reality, but I wouldn’t be happy if having a pet was a blanket no either. Pets are inportant to me and I wouldn’t be with someone who wouldn’t ever have one

Go and volunteer at a sanctuary the two I’ve been to always want people playing and going in with the cats and interacting with them. That way you increase your odds of finding a cat that wants a cuddle, you do tremendous good as well as have your own therapy. And it won’t cost you anything and your husband doesn’t have to have any animals at home